Struggling

[Omega85]

Hello all. I’m an assigned male at birth, 35, who has always felt far more feminine than my assigned gender. I recently came out to a friend and my wife as bigender but I’m not sure that’s even right. I feel so lost in trying to figure out who I am and where I belong. 
 

My wife isn’t terribly supportive of me even being something else besides my assigned gender, at least if it involves me changing anything about myself in public (name, hair, nails, clothes, etc.). In other words she feels like I can be me - as long as no one else knows about it. 
 

I’ve seen the advice here to seek out a gender therapist. I would normally follow such advice if I didn’t already have a therapist and a psychiatrist trying to help me. Is there a point in seeing another therapist too besides the ones I already see? 
 

Any advice on next steps would be appreciated. 

[KathyLauren]

Welcome, Omega!

 

You have quite a few maybes there.  Maybe you are bigender.  Maybe not.  Maybe you are trans-feminine but afraid to say so.  Maybe not.  Figuring out that stuff is not easy, and is why we usually recommend that people see a gender therapist.

 

Maybe your regular therapist and psychiatrist can help you, maybe not.  If they have the specialized knowledge and expertise that you need, they might be able to help.  But if they don't, they will beat around the bush and you won't get the help you need.  It is also possible that whatever issues they are helping you with are in part caused by your gender issues.  In that case, solving the gender issue may give you some relief on the other issues.

 

I would definitely recommend bringing the gender issues up with your current therapists and see what they say.  They might be able to recommend a good gender therapist.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Jacqui]

I agree with @KathyLauren.  Definitely discuss your gender issues with your current therapists and see what they say (if you haven't already).  They will be understanding, and if you are clear about what you are looking for, I think they will be forthright if they feel that they are not equipped to help you.  They might also be able to refer you to someone who is.

 

I was seeing a psychologist with whom I was very comfortable.  Unfortunately he told me he had no background or experience with gender issues and could not refer me to a gender therapist.  I did research on my own (Transgender Pulse and the Psychology Today website have resource lists you can search by location and specialty to find therapists).  It took a number of calls (many therapists are 'booked up' and not accepting new patients, and one I spoke to seemed reluctant for some reason), but I finally found one I think is a good fit.

 

Having an experienced gender therapist you trust is invaluable!  They will help you discover who you are and where you belong -- they have the tools and the communication skills to do so.  After only two sessions, the one I chose has employed a very simple exercise that is making me confront my identity and how I accept myself.  I am actually startled by what I am learning!

[Jackie C.]

6 hours ago, Omega85 said:

I’ve seen the advice here to seek out a gender therapist. I would normally follow such advice if I didn’t already have a therapist and a psychiatrist trying to help me. Is there a point in seeing another therapist too besides the ones I already see? 

 

Short answer: Yes. Like others have said, the mental health profession has many specialties within it. A gender therapist is going to be the best choice to help you get to the bottom of this. It's like if you have a flat tire, you don't take it to the detailing shop. or have the electrical looked at. Definitely bring it up with the people you're already seeing. They might have the knowledge to help you. For example, my wife's therapist can handle gender issues, but couldn't see me because she was already seeing my wife. If they don't, they may be able to refer you to someone who can.

 

In the meantime, welcome to Transpulse! We're here to help.

 

Hugs!

[Omega85]

Thank you. I sought out a gender therapist found through the resources here and hopefully start therapy soon.