Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I think I'm a bit Gender Fluid/non-binary/gender non conforming.


NinthDoctorGirl

Recommended Posts

I'm 28, Female by birth. And I'm ok with my body, it's nice. But I've always had issues with wearing clothes that are overly feminine. 

I always preferred to wear jeans and a t-shirt. I used to wear ? to parties or nights out but now even on those occasions I don't really want to. 

Very occasionally I enjoy wearing a dress but I'm more comfortable in trousers. 

 

I've never been particularly feminine. I have my moments but I was always a 'tom boy'. 

I relate to men and women equally although I'm only attracted to men. 

 

And I like to wear makeup sometimes even when I'm dressed more 'masculine'.

 

I know I'm not trans but I also know it's not as simple as just fitting in to a female gender stereotype.

 

How do I go about figuring this out?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Ok, so it sounds like you just don't like to go really girly. You're comfortable in your own body. You see men and women as people not gender stereotypes. Your style is a little on the butch side.

 

So what's the problem? Gender stereotypes are a thing, sure, but you don't have to fit in with them. I know plenty of girls who like "boy" things and boys who like "girl" things. Just because "The Wisdom of the Elders" or some such nonsense says that you have to do or like a thing because you were assigned female at birth doesn't make it true. You do you. People (slow people) might think you're a little non-conventional but so what? You're happy, comfortable and trying to live your best life. That's what it's all about.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Hi @NinthDoctorGirl, welcome.

 

What Jackie C. says is totally right. We don't need to conform to any stereotype.

 

That said, it sounds like something is driving you to ask the question if there is something else here. So... what is nagging you under the clothes/make up stuff? Is there something else that is asking for your attention, even if it is a subtle feeling? Have you seen, read or felt something that stirred something? What is your desire? What/who would you like to be if there was no preconception of who you are?

Link to comment
7 hours ago, Noah A said:

Hi @NinthDoctorGirl, welcome.

 

What Jackie C. says is totally right. We don't need to conform to any stereotype.

 

That said, it sounds like something is driving you to ask the question if there is something else here. So... what is nagging you under the clothes/make up stuff? Is there something else that is asking for your attention, even if it is a subtle feeling? Have you seen, read or felt something that stirred something? What is your desire? What/who would you like to be if there was no preconception of who you are?

I developed early, and it's like since the age of 16 i've just felt uncomfortable being looked at when i'm in 'girly' clothes. I guess I had a few uncomfortable experiences with men. Like this one time I was out drinking with friends in a bar (I was 17), and these two creepy middle aged guys were just staring at me. Then when my friends and I were buying chips they followed us and started asking me to go home with them. I said no and walked out but my male friend told me that when I left they said some really creepy stuff to him. I've had comments thrown at me by well meaning male friends, judgement from female friends. I've been groped in bars by creeps who won't take no for an answer unless I tell them I have a boyfriend (or girlfriend if that's the only option). 

 

I've never been girly, even as a little kid, but i just want to figure out if my 'questioning' is legit, or if i've got trauma issues that I need to deal with.

Link to comment

When I say I developed early, to clarify, I started puberty at 10. I felt that people started to see me differently straight away and it kind of sucked.

Link to comment
9 hours ago, NinthDoctorGirl said:

i just want to figure out if my 'questioning' is legit, or if i've got trauma issues that I need to deal with.

 

I don't think that is an either/or question. If there is some trauma it would be way better for you if you address it with a therapist, so you can understand the impact it has had in your life and how to manage it. At the same time, questioning your gender identity is always legit, regardless of the end result or how you end up identifying as. It is always a path of self discovery and it is good in and of itself.

 

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Noah A said:

 

I don't think that is an either/or question. If there is some trauma it would be way better for you if you address it with a therapist, so you can understand the impact it has had in your life and how to manage it. At the same time, questioning your gender identity is always legit, regardless of the end result or how you end up identifying as. It is always a path of self discovery and it is good in and of itself.

 

 

 

 

Seconded. You should probably talk to a therapist. It did wonders for me.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

@NinthDoctorGirl Hello! Lots of good advice already, and an online counsellor is fairly reasonable just now if you look about, just get one that has some sort of LGBT contact/connection to ensure there is no bias. Be honest with them and say you are unsure if it is due to personal experience or a sense of identity and they will help you work through your feelings. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Your questioning is 100% legit no matter what you decide. :)

Link to comment
On 11/1/2020 at 9:45 AM, NinthDoctorGirl said:

I know I'm not trans but I also know it's not as simple as just fitting in to a female gender stereotype.

How do I go about figuring this out?

One resource I'd heartily recommend is the book How to Understand Your Gender by Alex Iantaffi and Meg-John Barker, who are both mental health professionals and trans-identified.  You can find reviews of it here:

 

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/35290631-how-to-understand-your-gender#:~:text=How To Understand Your Gender is a guide,gender and its diversity in the twenty-first century.

 

I used this a few years ago prior to coming out and revisited it over the course of almost a year.  It has useful exercises as well as clearly written explanations of the many gender identities.

 

Best wishes!

 

Astrid

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 90 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • christinakristy2021
    • Birdie
    • Lydia_R
    • Jet McCartney
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Vidanjali
    • Ashley0616
    • Mmindy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,049
    • Most Online
      8,356

    LostAndForgotten
    Newest Member
    LostAndForgotten
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Adamtoeve
      Adamtoeve
      (38 years old)
    2. Andy C.
      Andy C.
      (22 years old)
    3. Asher the Enby Goddex
      Asher the Enby Goddex
      (23 years old)
    4. camerashy
      camerashy
      (52 years old)
    5. Stacy S.
      Stacy S.
      (55 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      We love udon noodles here! Sometimes we have the skinny Singaporean ones, sometimes we have rice, but those fat buggers are simply devine! 😍
    • Lydia_R
      My Gen Z transwoman roommate and my Gen X drummer roommate and I made two wonderful stir fry in the traditional wok on the high power propane burner on the back deck.  We splurged both times and had udon noodles in them with brussel sprouts, pepper and onions with a peanut and sesame sauce.   Been having them with seasoned white rice lately too.  I've been enjoying putting dill in them with the toasted sesame oil, turmeric and white pepper.
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   It's grass cutting day here on our little corner lot. The sidewalk that goes along the south side of our house, leads to a city park so we get a ton of foot traffic on it. I keep the lawn mowed and the sidewalk edged for the best street appeal. Several in the neighborhood have said its the slowest part of the walk because they have to stop to look at the flowers or watch a bird at the feeder. All of the dogs know they have fun hugs coming from me if I'm in the yard, and the conversations with the neighbors also give their hearts a chance to reach a resting beat.   @April Marie while you're working on your tan, please don't forget sunscreen. @KymmieLgood luck with the job search, it's so stressful to be the punching bag at work. @WillowI've never sold a car to a friend or someone I knew. Buyer beware, sold as is.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mirrabooka
      We pulled a leftover beef stir-fry out of the freezer. With Asian greens, noodles, cashews, all in a honey/sesame sauce.
    • Mirrabooka
      Oh @April Marie, sssstop it!!! 😍
    • Mirrabooka
      Whether it is Sunday or not - may I ask, how long does the whole process take?    My every-morning basic 'beauty routine' - shave face/wash/hair/other grooming already takes over 10 minutes. My wife is basically beating down the door, lol! 
    • Ivy
      We did pretty well for almost 40 years.   But by then we were kinda moving in different directions spiritually and on some other things.  I might have moved the most significantly.  I think my trans woman was trying to assert herself, although it still took a little more time for the egg to crack.     I was the one who moved out (although we had been sleeping in separate rooms for about a year).  I was satisfied to just be separated, but after a bit she filed for divorce.  I didn't contest it - our kids were all adults by then.  She remarried, I haven't.  Now her husband has died and she is back in this area.   Yeah, we are still friends, but sometimes it's hard for me if I've been around her.  I do miss her.  She uses my now name and gender for me.   I am lonely.  I think I could remarry, maybe, if I found the right person, but I don't see much chance of that.  I'm in my 70's, this is a pretty conservative area, and I am a transgender woman.  So this is how it is - at least for me.
    • missyjo
      daisy nightie..soon to be bike shorts n t for alpaca sheering day..then shower b something cute for dinner   all the hair ideas..I started biotin..thought him was just ed..interesting..did you pick hims for a reason?   hugs to all    
    • Lorelei
      That is am what I planning on. Take the defensive driving class after the conviction and all goes away aside from the fine I pay. My vehicle is a commercial vehicle (10,000+ pound diesel pickup truck with commercial plates), but since I exclusively use it for personal use so I do not need or have a CDL.
    • KymmieL
      I seems like I am dreading going to my job more each day. So, I take it as a sign to jump ship. All the time I expect to be chastised. It is not a good way to have a job. I am on the hunt for a new one, however nothing has surfaced.   Kymmie
    • EasyE
      yes yes yes!
    • Ladypcnj
      Hi Heather, thank you for the welcome 
    • Lydia_R
      I'm currently on the ballot for an open US Representative seat in Portland Oregon.  Here are some of the news stories on me:   Rachel Lydia Rand on Ballotpedia: https://ballotpedia.org/Rachel_Rand#Campaign_themes KATU 2 (ABC) Know Your Candidates 2024: Rachel Lydia Rand https://www.katu.com/news/know-your-candidates/rachel-lydia-rand-d-congress-district-3 League of Women Voters Candidate Forum for US Representative https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OOoS39CTEOw KOIN 6 Written Interview | top issues, what's going right https://www.koin.com/news/politics/rachel-rand-on-running-for-district-3-top-issues-whats-going-right/ League of Women Voter's Interview with Rachel Lydia Rand https://youtu.be/V5o9RKE3WVo     This is my third time running for US Rep.  Campaigning is very challenging for me because I only have two family members still alive and I've spent less than 2 weeks with them in my life and I have virtually no social network to start with and I don't belong to any social media sites.  I haven't even been able to post here and on sites like it because of rules about self-promotion.   I'm boldly saying in these videos that I want to be appointed to vice-president in the next 5 years.  My platform is about addressing climate change and everything that comes with it.  Population decline is the number one proposal I have and it is very, very scary and controversial for most people.  The way I see it is that oil is more than a fuel we burn in our cars, it's a substance we pave our roads with.  And it will run out, so at some point in the future, most of these roads are going to go away and we'll have a much harder time distributing food.  I play chromatic pennywhistle and I'm this iconic whistleblower politician saying that we will not be able to support 10 billion people at the end of the century on wind and solar power.  Even solar panels are made with oil and there isn't much difference between a wind turbine and a dam.  If we can build skyscrapers and nuclear power, then you'd think we'd be able to figure out how to make a wind turbine 100 years ago.  It's simply not as efficient.  The numbers I've crunched say that if we have one child for every two women for the next 40 years and then go back to normal replacement rate, we'll get our population down to 2 billion by 2099 which is where the world was at in 1950.  If we don't do that and stay on this current path for the projected 10 billion by 2100, then when oil runs out and climate change raises sea levels and floods coastal cities, humanity is going to be in a very uncivil situation.   I'm sorry that I'm not making a huge issue of transgender rights.  Of course I'm here to support our community.  I'd be highly visible on our national and international scene as a transwoman.  I tend to focus on engineering realities rather than these social issues.  It upsets me that people take engineering for granted.  People tend to just get in their cars and think that there will be some space age technical solution that will make it all OK.   OK, that's my rant for the day :-)  Coffee is on.  4:26am.  The ABC station is interviewing me again in a few hours and people can vote for me today.  Please consider spreading the word.  I'm only one person and it takes an incredible amount of effort to keep my political thinking and platform going.   Sincerely, Rachel Lydia Rand Jazz Musician | Software Engineer  
    • Heather Shay
      RIP Duane Eddy - pioneer rock and roll guitarist        
    • Heather Shay
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...