How to confirm or deny my state

[IslaS]

I am Isla, aged 61 and recently realised that I am not really the bloke I thought I was. Some 40 plus years ago I first heard of a "sex change" and I remember thinking at the time that that would be wonderful because I wouldn't have to struggle to be manly enough. However I had a male body and got on with life, to the extent that I eventually found a girl friend, who is now my wife. Reproduction didn't go as expected; I knew what to do, but could never get excited enough. Over a year of psychotherapy every week got me going to the extent that I now have an 18 year old son.

 

Some ten years or so ago I started wearing leggings, telling myself that men could wear leggings as well as women, then ladies shoes, and then nearly two years ago I bought a skirt, telling myself the same thing. What I hadn't expected was the effect wearing a skirt would have on me; suddenly I felt better, far more so than a different style of clothing ought to have.  With working at home this year I have been wearing skirts most of the time, and whilst it has been wonderful it seems to have let the genie out of the lamp. I now realise what I hadn't before, I think I am transgender

 

This is to the extent I now know I want to be a woman, BUT I don't want to want to be woman if you get what I mean. I have realised that when I see an attractive lady/girl, my thought is not the normal manly response of wouldn't it be great to be intimate with her, my feeling is that I want to be her.

 

I came out to my wife a few weeks ago, and that didn't go well, though she is now being more supportive than she was. Understandably she wants a professional opinion about my state.

 

I have had a chat with my GP, who has agreed to refer me to a gender identity clinic, but I suspect that that will takes many months, if not a year or more; I don't feel I can wait that long, Is my best course of action to try to find a suitable gender therapist, and if so, how? (I am in England)

[VickySGV]

Yes, if time is an issue and money not that big an issue, I would look for a private therapist who has expertise in Gender issues.  Gender issues start in childhood at a young age, and if they are not quickly over, then they will be with you constantly, poking their heads up and become more intense, but they will be consistent and unwavering in what they are leading you to.  There is no one set way to act on Gender Dysphoria and yours will be unique to you, but you are still part of the crowd that is here.  Some can satisfy it by simple daily things such as favorite robes, slippers or even under dressing, while others will find they need to take the whole long road and whole set of possible actions to calm the beasties within you.  You do have groups of people there in England that will welcome you and help you even to finding a therapist, and many groups will have support groups affiliated with them that are free, or minimal contribution for snacks and the rent. 

[Susan R]

8 hours ago, IslaS said:

What I hadn't expected was the effect wearing a skirt would have on me; suddenly I felt better, far more so than a different style of clothing ought to have.

Welcome IslaS, It’s a pleasure to meet you and I’m glad you’ve reached out. I felt the same way as you described above as a four year old child. Having my sisters dress me up and then later starting to do it on my own, made me feel wonderful. I was never happier dressing up as a girl until I was told firmly and then later abusively, that boys NEVER dress like girls. I remember thinking it was strange that I wasn’t allowed to do something that felt so natural to me. I did stop at that point until puberty but like you, the feeling doesn’t fade like a tan. It has to be dealt with sooner or later. It’s good that you’ve finally decided to do something about it in your life. It’s a difficult path but it might just be the right one for you.

 

As @VickySGV mentioned and as you are discovering, proper therapy to sort out these issues is very important. Until that happens, we are here as one of your support systems in case you need one. We offer advice, friendship, information, and hope.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[IslaS]

Some progress to report, in that company health insurance will pay for 3 psychiatry appointments because of the anxiety the dysphoria causes me, but not to deal with the dysphoria as such. So now I need to find a psychiatrist that they will pay for, with an interest in transgender problems. Does anyone know any suitable psychiatrists in the UK; I can easily look up  to see if any names given are on the BUPA approved list? Assuming that the consultation will be by video link, presumably location is not too important