Hey everyone

[Synthara]

Hello everyo

 

after browsing through this site for some weeks, i thought it is time to be more active. So far it helped me tremendously, so much information, so much kindness and help, i am amazed.

I am 33, amab, born and raised in germany. Used to be a translator but work now as a IT manager.

It started a year ago, when i dressed as Darth Maul for a themed brithday party and wore black leggings and wrapping skirt. It felt amazing. Didn't read much into it. In Spring/early Summer it got really hot here and i wore skirts again. Due to Covid i work at home everyday since march. I also startet to paint my nails. I justified it with "rockstars do it, i am edgy" and so on. Two months ago i got really bored with dressing options for men and looked for more diversity when i got into the mindset of not limiting my fashionchoices to gender. I thought "why are there no sexy lingerie for men? i want to feel sexy, too". Found some on amazon and also tried some of my girlfriends. Because it felt good, i tried even more of her clothes and WOW!! It felt really good. Out of the "maybe i am non-binary or genderfluid to maybe trans. We're both not very tall and slim, so i got a huge wardrobe to experiment with  . So now i wear makeup everyday, trying to get the hang of it. Looooooon learing process, but my girlfriend is a huge help. 

With all these new experiences, i got tons of flashbacks from my childhood and teenage years where i constantly wished to wake up as a girl. But i was raised in a small catholic village. I didn't even dare to give it a thought. I also git abused physically and emotionally by my parents. Not the best conditions to talk about feelings. 

I also was stuck in a 10 year long relationship with emotional abuse, of which i escaped just last summer. But i found my soulmate a few weeks after and we are happy since then (Even got a little girl two months ago). She is super supportive so far. (maybe because she is bi, has some gay friends and don't judge people in generel)

 

There is so much more i want to write about, but don't want to make this a wall of text. Just want to say a huge "THANK YOU" for what you all did here with this!!

 

P.S.: that's me 

 

Hugs!

[DeeDee]

Hi Synthara, pleased to meet you.  Thanks for the introduction. Feel free to put up a wall of text any time you want, being able to express ourselves in a place where others can understand is part of what makes this site so good to be a part of. Also that handbag is gorgeous! ❤️ You are lucky to have a supportive partner (congratulations on your baby girl) and instant access to fashion and makeup advice no matter where you eventually find yourself settling on the gender spectrum.

[Gabriel]

Welcome Synthara, nice to meet you.

 

You have that style down pat! 

Take your time questioning, it is a great place to explore as many things as you feel like trying. For me, although I know I feel right on transmasculine land, I keep exploring that side of the spectrum to find my own place. It is a great adventure, even with the ups and downs that come with it.

 

Looking forward to knowing more about you

[DonkeySocks]

Hello! It's good to hear that you have an amazing, supportive girlfriend, that's such a huge help. I love the purse!

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Synthara, and thanks for the introduction.  I'm very happy for you that you have someone supportive in your life.  That will make all of this so much easier.  Please let us know if you have any questions or if you need some support.  We'll be here for you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[actuallysage]

Hi Synthara! Thank you for sharing your journey. Your style is amazing! That's awesome that your girlfriend is so supportive. I'm questioning my everything (currently experimenting with non-binary/genderfluid side of things) and having a safe place to explore those identities is such a big help. 

 

Best, 
Sage

[Mmindy]

Good evening Synthara,

Welcome to TransPulseForums, you are among like minded and kind people here.

 

Best wishes, stay positive, and safe

 

Mindy???

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @Synthara

[Susan R]

Welcome @Synthara. It’s a pleasure to meet you. It’s nice to hear that after 10 years, you finally have an accepting soulmate. Also, congrats to you on the baby girl. Blessings abound! This should make things so much easier in your future exploration of your true self. So many in our community have to first deal with the difficulty and uncertainty of loved ones coming to terms with our changes. It can sometimes prevent us from immediately focusing on what we need to do next. You’re able to bypass much of those issues it would seem. Although, every transition has its unique issues, roadblocks, and setbacks.  This forum, along with a little effort, can help you avoid some of these on your journey.  I’m glad you’ve reached out and hope you find this place as rewarding as I do.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Synthara,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Synthara]

Thank you all for your kind words.

 

The purse is from killstar, so is the hat and the skirt. I love shopping there. Ordered there four times in eight weeks. Fashion really is addicting, and black friday very soon omg ?...

 

Yeah i am blessed with this wonderful person in my life and very thankful. It was a bit of shock at first and she jumped way way far into the future. The first thing she asked was "what about other children? do you want surgery?"  But i take it slowly, one step after another if it feels right. That i have learned here.

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Synthara said:

The purse is from killstar, so is the hat and the skirt. I love shopping there. Ordered there four times in eight weeks. Fashion really is addicting, and black friday very soon omg ?...

 

Ahh! I love Killstar! They made my wallet and my gym bag. Their aesthetic is awesome!

 

Hugs!

[KayC]

Hi @Synthara!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!   Also, LOVE your outfit!

Congratulations of finding a new freedom to explore your life and discard the shackles of the past.  Happy you have found a supportive partner too.
I am sure you will find this Forum to be a great place to share and explore the connections we all share.

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[CallMeKeira]

Welcome! I'm new myself.

 

Also, amazing purse. ?