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What do men talk about/do?


Ivy C

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Hi, I have not lived my life around a lot of men, so I was wondering if someone could answer these questions (and I know these are all broad generalizations, and also I don't necessarily mean average "manly" men, I also mean nerdy and artist and queer men):

What kinds of places do men hang out at, and what do they do together? What subjects do they talk about when hanging out? Do they ever just chat about their lives/tell stories? Is there anything they don't talk about, and if so, what?

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  • Forum Moderator

 Age range might be important too.

 

I can't really speak for my age because I am not really allowed to do anything fun but I do have experience from school so, usually hang at each other's houses or outside. Or pretty much online in games haha. As to subjects I have talked to with my friends is usually shows we watch or games we play, pretty much anything popular. I would say it takes levels of trust to talk about our life stories and with my trusted friends, I can't say there is stuff that we don't talk about, but with my not so close friends, I typically stay away from politics. 

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Oh goodness. First off, Salutations @Ivy C and welcome to Transpulse! I can answer for more nerdy men with a smattering of other men.

 

For example, my father didn't hang out with anybody outside of work. When home, he spent time either watching games of Sportsball (I never saw him watching Soccer or Golf, but that was the 80's), reading or tending his garden. In general, my observations of men tend to show that they really throw themselves into their hobbies.

Now, the geekier guys would hang out in comic or game stores. Failing that, they'd hang with friends. Big difference between myself and my dad is that I hung out with a friend group once or twice a week to do hobby stuff. I guess that folds into the earlier comment about hobbies. My hobbies are more social so there are more men hanging out (I'm an old-school gamer, my hobbies are strongly male-dominated). So the geeky guys when not engaged in social hobbies, spent their time either on constructive hobbies like woodworking and painting or just reading, video games and watching TV.

Normal guys like my nephew, uncle or brother in law are more into cars and such. Again, their leisure time revolves around their hobbies. It just tends to be more about cars, grease and sailing. Oh, and music. My cousin and brother in law were both in bands.

 

So yeah. Thinking about it, men do passion projects and their hobbies. They gather with other guys who have the same hobbies if those hobbies require a social element. They can have the same range of interests that women do, but they tend to the more masculine/outdoors end of the spectrum.

 

OK, so as to what they talk about. Mostly their hobbies and shared interests. Beyond that, they can entertain each other with funny stories about their lives, but they don't generally share emotional stuff. You're allowed to talk about relationships, but you have to speak in code. For example, "My woman is such a bitch," could mean, "My emotional needs aren't being met and I would like more freedom to pursue leisure activities." You are also not allowed to admit weakness unless you can do it as a strength. For example, let's say a man is bad at math. He might say, "Math is for losers." In straight men talk of variant sexuality is mostly forbidden among older males and often the subject of ridicule. Younger, more cultured men can deal with it. Especially if they know there's somebody present with a variant sexuality. They will however tell "funny trans stories" when they think nobody is watching. One-upsmanship is a pretty common tactic. Especially when talking about sexual or romantic conquests.

 

Firm rule: You do not speak to or make eye-contact with anyone but your closest bros in the men's restroom. No speaking unless strictly necessary is allowed.

 

In short, they're people. People who have been emotionally stunted by their upbringing and testosterone, but still people.

 

Hugs!

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Yup, mostly there needs to be a focal point to gather around whether it's, playing or watching sport, pool, fishing,BBQ's, camping, console or pC's, chess... doesnt matter.

Your tribe good, other tribe bad - whether they actually were or not. In the UK friends are usually greeted with good natured insults and acquire nicknames, but no one new gets to do that until they've been accepted. There was a cringeworthy comedy show called the inbetweeners here that was over the top but nailed the experience/angst of uncool teenage male conversations and bragging.

Deep stuff only comes out after knowing someone for years, or unless they have been drinking and the shields down, but even then no one mentions it afterwards, or cracks a "that's what your mum said last night" type joke to close the conversation down.

My entire social circle is cis and mostly married with kids now, and my best friendships are with the men that outgrew needing to show off or one up others but were there for me in a pinch - but equally I was never really very good at being blokey lol.

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Welcome to Trans Pulse, Ivy. You've already received some insightful replies to your post. I doubt there would be much I could add that would be of value especially since I'm old & pretty reclusive. I almost never have occasion to talk to anyone. And I've always been uncomfortable around other men in particular .

 

One thing did occur to me though. Since you're in the U.S. I presume you have access to Public Television? Have you ever watched the two companion programs: "This Old House" & "Ask This Old House"? If you would be able to watch those two programs (they run back-to-back at 7 PM on Thursday evenings here where I live) I think you'd get a pretty good idea of how conversations tend to go between men. That's especially true for the second program: "Ask This Old House".

 

Anyway... that was just something that occurred to me. I hope you enjoy the time you spend here on Trans Pulse. 😀

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  • Root Admin

Oh I loved "This Old House", was it presented by Norm? Is he still the presenter, is it still on over there?

 

I'm a little younger (just) than Overalls Bear but I too rarely have occasion  to talk to others, especially now! Before all this started I worked in an office with one other male but with my upbringing, I was never encouraged to meet with others. Since then, I used to be involved with a local voluntary group or three, and we would meet once a week to supply local gardeners during the spring and summer, and we would pretty much set the world to rights inbetween serving customers.

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2 hours ago, Petra Jane said:

Oh I loved "This Old House", was it presented by Norm? Is he still the presenter, is it still on over there?

 

Oh yes. "This Old House" and it's newer companion show "Ask This Old House" are alive and well on PBS. Norm wasn't ever actually the host that I know of. But he was a key member of the cast. Norm still shows up on "This Old House" itself (not on "Ask This Old House".) But he's not the presence he used to be it seems. It is interesting to watch though. The cast hasn't changed all that much over the years. (There are a few younger folks joining the show now.) But the regular old crew has lost a substantial amount of hair & has gained an impressive amount of paunch. And that includes the current host: Kevin O'Connor who hasn't really been on the show all that many seasons. I don't actually watch the show much myself. But my wife is a regular viewer. And I'm typically in the room while she's watching. So I catch bits-&-pieces of it along the way. 🙂

 

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Hi Ivy.

Heh, heh,  I'm afraid I won't be much help here since I've never really figured that out myself.

I think you just have to be yourself.  But, guys are weird.

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Here is the run down, at least in my experience:

- dick jokes

- making fun of their friends

- messing with the weaker ones, but in a jokey way

- the occasional deep conversation with some reassurance, you can count on your boys for anything

- cars and stupid stuff they do

- dick jokes again

 

Basically, guys are typically rude, disrespectful, and like joking around. But deep down, the person that you make fun of the most, the one who makes fun of you the most, is the kind of guy that would help you hide the body. Loyal to a fault, and always willing to call you on your crap. At least, the good kind of guys. Avoid anyone who seems to like pretending that he likes people just so he can be popular, they are corrupted.

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I think @Jackie C. and @A. Dillon covered a lot of the fundamentals  ..

 

BUT, the one thing to know about is the unspoken code of male urinal etiquette.  EVERY cis-man somehow is born with this innate embedded code (or they are otherwise socially shunned) ..
Enjoy 😁  https://www.plumbworld.co.uk/blog/guide-urinal-etiquette

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Sorry if these are duplicates. I hope they will soon be obsolete:  

-- The lies coming from the White House and GOP acolytes.

--The worrisome, racist, inhumane, hateful things being done in the name of America.

--Covid and the pandemic.

--The unbelievable hypocrisy of the GOP's Congresspeople, especially in the Senate.

----

--Motorcycles and good rides up in the twisties.

--Great biker-friendly Mom and Pop coffee shop type restaurants nestled up in the Coast Range and Sierras.

--Who is getting in whose pants these days.

 

But then, my best friend and I both are Left Coast Liberals and bikers. I've stopped riding, due to physical problems, but he's very active. "Motorcycle Meditation." Every biker knows about it. And political angst. Every Left Coast Liberal has been feeling it for four years, and I imagine most of us are as relieved as I am.

 

~~A fist bump and a hug, from Lee~~

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I work in my campus' police department, so most of my coworkers are male. On shifts, we like to make smalltalk. Most commonly, we discuss movies and tv shows- a lot of star wars and marvel. A few days ago we had a big discussion on the Mandalorian and what it added to Star Wars canon. 

We also talk about cars, something I grew up watching my grandfather work on. They talk a lot about their experiences being cops before coming to work at the college. I like hearing stories, like one guy who worked for DC Metro police and so told us all about how our nation's capital works in terms of local governance. I talk a lot about computers because that is my major. Politics come up sometimes. Sports, of course. I always had an affinity for watching baseball and football, so I am pretty knowledgeable. COVID, since our job revolves around making sure student, faculty, and visitors to the campus don't show symptoms.  

We joke around sometimes, like how I got my finger stuck in the wipes container and needed to get the other guy's help to get it out. Lol.

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