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Neoncat

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Hi everybody, I'm Ellie!

 

I'm thirty years old and AMAB. It wasn't until about a year ago that I finally accepted that I don't identify as a man, but a woman. I had some suspicions for a while, but without a way to find out or ask questions (I lived in a not so accepting place, so even questioning gender wouldn't go over well). So, I took to the internets to find answers to questions I never bothered asking before. I was worried what answers I'd find, because part of me wondered if it would just be easier to keep lying to myself than to go through with all the changes I wanted (and still want) to make. Turns out it wasn't easier, I just ended up feeling completely dead inside after a while. One thing I learned that started me down the right path when I didn't know who I was yet was finding out that even wondering about your own gender isn't something most people even consider let alone question. Since then, I've been trying to live more true to myself. I changed out a lot of my old wardrobe with new clothing. I picked a new name for myself. I learned how to use makeup and that's been a big improvement. I even came out to most of my close friends. And once I'd realized the truth, a lot of my life started to retroactively make a whole lot more sense; stuff started to click. But I still feel lost and don't know what I should do or who I should talk to, which is how I came across these forums. I moved from georgia to washington this month and I don't really know anyone in the area so I was feeling particularly lonely and wanted to find a place I could express myself. I joined a few days ago but haven't had the courage to post an intro until now. Hopefully I maintain this courage and become a more active member. Thanks for having me here!

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  • Forum Moderator

Salutations @Neoncat! Welcome to Transpulse!

 

Your story will resonate with a lot of the girls here. I grew up in the 70's and 80's. Those weren't very tolerant places either. 😋 At least they weren't in the Midwest. Congratulations on figuring things out decades before I did.

 

Please feel free to join the discussion. Chime in. Ask questions! Obey the forum rules! We're glad you're here.

 

Hugs!

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  • Forum Moderator
4 hours ago, Neoncat said:

Since then, I've been trying to live more true to myself. I changed out a lot of my old wardrobe with new clothing. I picked a new name for myself. I learned how to use makeup and that's been a big improvement. I even came out to most of my close friends. And once I'd realized the truth, a lot of my life started to retroactively make a whole lot more sense; stuff started to click.

Wow, that’s an incredible amount of change in a short period. I applaud you for being able to recognize the problem and be able to move to taking active steps toward living authentically as you! 

4 hours ago, Neoncat said:

I moved from georgia to washington this month and I don't really know anyone in the area so I was feeling particularly lonely and wanted to find a place I could express myself.

Howdy Neighbor! Heck, I practically live up the road from ya! Must be difficult making all these changes during a pandemic. Although, I will say Washington state (mainly western WA) is a great place to find acceptance and/or affirmation. It’s both an opportunity and struggle as you can (eventually) express yourself with a new set of people with no preset expectations of who you are. On the other hand, due to covid, there are restrictions in how you can go about doing this. It may take a bit more time getting to know people in your area but you can still get a lot done on your journey without socialization. But I have to be honest, the social aspect of transition is what I miss the most during this pandemic. Hopefully, that will change soon. In the meantime, enjoy yourself here and learn more about who you are with the help, advice and friendship you’ll find here on our forum.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷

 

 

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Hello Elie and welcome.  Being new to an area as Susan notes can be difficult and the virus protections make a little tougher but I can tell you'll persevere and be successful.  Please join in the conversation.

 

Jani

 

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Hi Ellie!  nice to meet you, and Welcome! 

16 hours ago, Neoncat said:

even wondering about your own gender isn't something most people even consider let alone question.

Yep!  You found the "Secret".  I am certain cis-gender humans have no clue about our feelings, and why would they?  I think this is the first step from going from "Questioning" to self-acceptance and affirmation of your true gender identity.


Gender therapy was the next step for me, something recommended by the experience of many on this Forum, and that I can attest to as essential in my personal growth and confidence I am on the right path.

I am sure you are still getting settled in.  I hope you can find something in your area, and specially a Community you can connect with.  In the meantime, this is a great place to share, and learn from the experiences of others.

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

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Hi Ellie,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

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Welcome Ellie.  Hope you enjoy your time here.  Simply knowing i'm not alone helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Hi Ellie, and welcome from someone who is going in the opposite direction. We are all here (nbs too) to share our perspectives, struggles and support. 

 

You've landed in a great place. 

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Thanks for the support and the advice! I'm going to start looking into gender therapy and figuring out the next steps I want to take. Its a tough journey but it's 100% worth the hardship if I'm happier and more comfortable with myself as I progress (which has already been the case thus far)

 

^_^

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Sandra6sandy9sand

Hi Ellie, welcome to this great place. I fought the woman within for nearly 65 years and have let her out, little by little over the past 5 years or so. I have accepted that I am transgender. The girl in me is tolerated by my wife but I’m not really out to my daughters or anyone else for that matter.

 

Sounds like you have taken very positive steps to accept who you are. I hope you are able to connect with a positive group in Washington. COVID will not be with us for ever. Be carful and enjoy life. Every day is a gift.

 

Hugs

 

Sandra

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