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[cananna]

Hello everyone

I don't really know what i'm doing here. I guess I'm just confused, and lonely. Don't get me wrong, i have an amazing and supporting family, i live with two of my closest friends. I shouldn't be lonely, i shouldn't be here.

 

My name is Giovanni, i'm 26, male, from Italy. I'm questioning my gender, it's something new, that started less than a year ago. But i'm not entirely sure of that either. In fact I'm not sure of anything. I'm very confused, and tired. And I'm a little bit angry that i can't talk about this stuff with my loved ones, not because they wouldn't accept me, i'm sure they would, but because they wouldn't know how to respond, and it would be an akward situation.

 

I guess what i'm looking for is some direction, some confrontation.

So here i am, not sure what to expect, or what to do.

Thank you, for reading me. I hope you have a nice day

[Jackie C.]

Hello @cananna! Welcome to Transpulse!

 

General rule. If you're here, you should be here. No worries. Plenty of us have supportive families, but you're absolutely right: Even if they're supportive they don't really understand what you're going through. So welcome to the fold!

 

Please feel free to join in, ask questions and generally poke around. You're among like-minded friends.

 

Hugs!

[Audrey]

Dear @cananna, welcome! As Jackie said, you've just joined a super friendly and welcoming community here. I'm hopeful you will find the support you're looking for as you come to understand yourself. You are not alone!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @cananna. It sounds like you have a lot more you'd like to say. We're here to listen and will give feedback where we can. I do understand, in my way, feeling alone even when your among friends. The people I've met here are just amazing. It's become a safe space where I can talk about anything without judgement and get honest answers. In time I hope that you feel that way too.

[Charlize]

Welcome Giovanni.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Heather Shay]

@cananna you were supposed to come here. Like you I and many here can feel?alone in a crowd and have questioned their gender. What I have found here is sound advice based on facts and experience with no?strings attached and complete love given. Any worries or questions or things you just need to get out (within the rules of course) you will find comforting friends. I am happy to meet you and glad you are here.

[KayC]

Hi Giovanni!  nice to meet you and Welcome!

Questioning is a very good place to start, as that was the starting point for many of us here.  You don't have to decide on a final destination or create a label for yourself.  The journey itself is rewarding.

This Forum has been extremely helpful in my own journey, and I felt an immediate connection with all the shared experiences here.  I hope the same for you❣️

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Lee H]

Hi Cananna

Italy... Cool. I'm in Northern Nevada. This is a ginormous group of world travelers, all on tour together. Join the fun and see the sights ....

11 hours ago, cananna said:

'm questioning my gender, it's something new, that started less than a year ago. But i'm not entirely sure of that either. In fact I'm not sure of anything.

How could it be otherwise? I guess some of us know from the day we started walking that we're being shown to the wrong box of toys, but my impression is, for most of us, it starts as a question. "How would it feel to ...?" In my case, when the Covid lockdown started, I decided to dress full time -- hell, just me and my dogger, why not? He doesn't notice my fireplug shape. So my first questions were, "Is there a progression from life long cross dresser to newbie MtF Trans feminine person named "Lee?" I decided to find out. So far, my answer is "HRT and away." I go one day at a time. "How am I feeling. Does this feel good? What can I savor today?" 

 

So, at least for me, questioning describes my entire journey so far, but not a negative questioning, as in "I shouldn't be doing, liking, experiencing this. I should beat myself up for liking it. Am I -censored-? My questioning is evolving, becoming, "Which bra will feel good today? Which panties? Cozy warm sweats or harem pants? Shopping on ebay? How can I make my hair less frizzy?"

Those used to sound like dumb, stupid meaningless questions. Not at all the "manly man" I showed to the world. Now they feel like they're worth finding out the answers.

 

Glad you're here. It's a cool place to be....

 

~~A Welcome Home Hug, from Lee~~

 

 

[cananna]

Tank you to everyone for the very warm welcome, you are all wonderfull people and i'm glad i decided to sign up. I can't wait to get to know each and everyone of you

See you arround

[Gabriel]

Welcome Giovanni! NIce to meet you.

 

On 12/5/2020 at 10:27 AM, cananna said:

i can't talk about this stuff with my loved ones, not because they wouldn't accept me, i'm sure they would, but because they wouldn't know how to respond, and it would be an akward situation.

Yup, lots of awkward lately in my life. But you know what?? They end up feeling wildly liberating. And I'm learning to see the fun in them. 

 

Questioning is hard and deeply uncomfortable. Confusion, fear, doubt, stress and back to confusion. You are so in the right place. Here you can find people with experiences you can relate to. Don't expect to find anyone exactly like you. That doesn't exist. You are unique and your answers will be unique to you. But you are not alone.

 

I love Lee's way to put it, so I leave it to her to say it again

19 hours ago, Lee H said:

This is a ginormous group of world travelers, all on tour together. Join the fun and see the sights ....

 

[TTheta]

Welcome welcome :DD @cananna There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely when you are with others, I still live with my family and I feel lonely all the time. 

 

While we cannot diagnose you, we can provide some insight and support for you. We will be here for your journey, whatever path you decide to take  Yeah it tends to be awkward for a little bit but it really feels nice not to long after that initial awkward patch.

[Neoncat]

Welcome! I know that many of us share similar feelings, situations, loneliness and confusion. But you're in the right place. For me it took a lot of introspection just to come to terms with the feelings I was having, and that doesn't even count the steps I started taking after that to live closer to how I want. Friends can be a great source of comfort, but you're right that although they can understand and help, it's hard (if not impossible) for them to really empathize because of the chaotic mess of emotions swirling around when thinking about gender. That's pretty much how I found my way here too. You're in a good community and finding your answers probably won't be quick or simple, but you will be able to find them. We believe in you.