questioning in adulthood

[natashalieromanov]

Hi everyone. I'm 25(F?), and I've been questioning my gender on and off for a couple of years,  I thought demigirl fit for awhile, but since quarantine I've been thinking that maybe that doesn't fit me either.

I haven't hated living as a female, but something just doesn't feel "right". Idk how else to explain it. A few years ago I dressed more masculine and cut my hair short, and I was so happy. I felt at home, like it was what I was supposed to be doing all along. I gave chest binding a try a few days ago, and it so good in a way I don't even know how to describe. I know it's not entirely accurate, but I used FaceApp to see what I'd potentially look like as a guy, and wanted to cry happy tears. I thought, "yes, that's right", like it was the way things were always meant to be. I'm not really sure where to go from here, or if it's nothing and I'm just being dramatic. Maybe I'm really just a masculine lesbian and I should forget about all of this.

Idk, I'm just very confused right now.

[DonkeySocks]

4 hours ago, natashalieromanov said:

I'm not really sure where to go from here, or if it's nothing and I'm just being dramatic. Maybe I'm really just a masculine lesbian and I should forget about all of this.

 

Hello!

These are your feelings and experiences, it's not "nothing" if it means something to you. You might be transgender male. If you decide you are a masculine lesbian who loves to cross-dress, that is totally okay and I am sure you will be welcome on this forum.

[TTheta]

Welcome welcome :DD 

 

Whatever you chose to be is up to you and you alone, and we are here to support whatever decision you make, take your time, but know you are never stuck to one label, it is perfectly normal to swap if it feels right. What you are experiencing sounds a lot like what I felt when I started presenting as male, but take your time to think things out friend, any who welcome!

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, natashalieromanov said:

I haven't hated living as a female, but something just doesn't feel "right".

Hiya, pleased to meet you.  This is actually a very good description that will echo with a few people here (including me - only I was 40 before it hit me full in the face and made me address it), no one can tell you what you are or aren't but read through the forums and ask any questions as you think of them. Honestly do not look at a desciption and try to see if you fit the label but keep on doing the little experiments and see how they feel for you. Most of us have tried to ignore or forget about our feelings of gender unease but from what I have seen it doesn't go away.

[Gabriel]

Welcome @natashalieromanov

 

Not much to add to the wisdom already said. Breathe deep, take your time, experiment, play with the whole spectrum and follow what feels right for you, don't stick to labels, find out how to be true to yourself.

I was 45 when Pandora's Box opened and saw what had always been there. So, you are already ahead on the game.

Enjoy the ride  

[natashalieromanov]

Thanks, everyone! I bought some masculine clothing a few days ago and I've decided I'm going to start binding my chest more often and use different pronouns. I'm going to mention this to my therapist at our next appointment too and see what she suggests.