My Introduction - Leilah :

[Leilah]

Hey everyone!

I joined this amazing forum today only. My femme name is Leilah. I am just 26 and always felt to be a woman but never had the courage to come out. I have always suppressed this part of me due to societal constraints. Last year, I went through severe depression and panic attacks but don't know the actual cause. But I believe it got triggered due to this suppressed side and I have never shared my desire with anyone else. I have conditioned myself to be a tough guy as I am afraid of society and still live as one without showing my weakness. I am scared to death to share with anyone else but made a decision to embrace this journey somehow. I don't wish to have regrets in future.
 

Finally, I am taking this first step to join this forum and start this wonderful journey. I need a lot of motivation and support from you all. I don't know where to start or how to begin this journey. Please do share your inputs.
 

Looking forward to knowing about each one of you. Thank you and have a good day!

[Ann W]

Welcome @Leilah.  This has been a great place to start for me.  You have lots of time to work things out.  You are really at a great age to address these feelings IMHO.  

[Susan R]

1 hour ago, Leilah said:

Finally, I am taking this first step to join this forum and start this wonderful journey. I need a lot of motivation and support from you all. I don't know where to start or how to begin this journey. Please do share your inputs.

Hello Leilah, It’s a pleasure to meet you. Congratulations on this very big step forward to living an authentic life as yourself. I have been down the same road you are on...it doesn’t easily go away in most cases. I’m not sure it ever truly has for anyone like us. I too tried to be an alpha male as a cover and defense from my true fear of being exposed as a faux male. It worked for a long time. Some eventually found out about my secret side, others did not. Sound at all familiar? Living two lives is not easy and when one life is used to hide the other, the suppression can be so demanding and overwhelming it can get to the point of making your sick.

 

Looking to move forward and working hard in becoming your true self may help you in so ways. The hardest part for me was the fear of losing that control of one’s world. It creeps in on occasion especially early in the journey. Once you get beyond that, it gets so much easier to just take the next small step. Before you know it, you’re a whole new person with new dreams and desires. When you finally accept yourself, it makes it so much easier for others to accept you too.

 

Thank you for sharing some of the deepest parts of yourself. This is a safe place to do so and we are all here as allies. I look forward to reading more about your journey if you’re willing.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

 

[Leilah]

Thank you so much @Ann W and @Susan R. I am really filled with happy tears now?
 

I have never been in a community so far. This community looks very supportive.

Can you please give me a few tips on where to start or how to start this journey? I am overwhelmed and dunno where to start this. Thanks for all your help. Lots of love?❤️

[Susan R]

You already made. the first move...reaching out. Getting a support system in place is always a good way to start any mission. I would look into therapy. You will see it mentioned on so many threads here because it really can help US answer questions about where we want to go, how would it be possible to attain that goal, who am I, helps you look at your life in a new light and perspective, and so many other things. It’s hard work but it pays dividends in finding your path.

Also, ask questions and do some research here. Attempt to meet others like yourself online and locally and you may possibly make some very trustworthy friends along the way. You also might consider getting involved in local support groups if they’re available in your area. You might try to find a friend or family member you trust to share yourself with and bring them on as an ally. These people are critical as close support. They can share their perspectives on who might be added as a future support and ally.

 

That’s probably enough for now. I’m sure others will come on board and add other places to start. We each go about things in a different order but eventually each one of these is needed to some extent during our journey. This is just the beginning so keep in mind once your support system is in place, the next steps will be much easier to make.

 

Best of Luck,

Susan R?

[Robin.C]

Leilah, welcome. I f you read some of the stories and posts your story is very familiar.

You have made your first of many steps. Please consider getting a therapist they will be invaluable during your journey.

If you have a questions try the search function.

Sometimes it returns too many answers ? If that sounds daunting then you can always ask wonderful community.

 

Hugs

Robin

 

[Leilah]

4 hours ago, Susan R said:

You already made. the first move...reaching out. Getting a support system in place is always a good way to start any mission. I would look into therapy. You will see it mentioned on so many threads here because it really can help US answer questions about where we want to go, how would it be possible to attain that goal, who am I, helps you look at your life in a new light and perspective, and so many other things. It’s hard work but it pays dividends in finding your path.

 Thank you so much @Susan R. This gave me a lot of clarity. And yes, I want to continue this journey without giving up. Thanks again for your time and help. Really appreciate it??

[Leilah]

3 hours ago, Robin.C said:

You have made your first of many steps. Please consider getting a therapist they will be invaluable during your journey.

Thanks a lot @Robin.C. Yes, I will try to navigate the site and look for more answers to increase my awareness?

[Audrey]

Nice to meet you Leilah! Your name is lovely. I'm happy you've joined the community here and I'm hopeful you'll find the support you're looking for. The feelings you're having are very relatable, and as others have said, this is a big first step on the path to living authentically as yourself.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi Leilah, Nice to meet you.

[Leilah]

Thank you @Audreyand @ElizabethStar?? Nice to meet both of you!

[Charlize]

Welcome Leilah.  This journey is difficult for everyone.  I think we all face some pushback from friends, family and society.  I'm glad you've found us.  Knowing others, reading of their journeys and  sharing my story helped me a great deal.  We all have different obstacles but our feelings are very similar.  We can support each other as few can.  A local therapist who may know existing resources certainly helped me as well.

Most of all try to enjoy yourself as you explore that self.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

Hi @Leilah!  nice to meet you and Welcome.
Your story of "awakening" sounds familiar to mine, which also started with depression and deep anxieties. 
Much better now though since finding this Forum/community and then starting gender therapy.  I hope you can also find a good therapist.
There are many different life stories here, so I am sure as you spend more time with us, you will be able to connect with those with similar paths.  In this way we both learn from each other, and support each other.

 

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Heather Shay]

@Leilah welcome. You are right about a great first step. You will find those around you age and old farts like my who wholeheartedly want to share your journey. It is difficult and you are fortunate to be so young and in a changing world that is still dangerous yet much more willing to accept you for who you are and accept you as you explore your inner self 

 

[Leilah]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

Your story of "awakening" sounds familiar to mine

Yes, you said it right. It was the real "Awakening" experience I had last year. I faced a near-death experience and ended up in severe depression. After that, my perspective towards life changed a lot and I had only one thing in my mind. Life is limited and anything may happen in a blink of an eye. And so, I should follow my desires so that I don't regret it later when I am dying. I am not trying to sound negative here but it gave me an awareness and courage to push through.

[Gabriel]

Welcome @Leilah 

 

I won't repeat all the wisdom already shared by this wonderful ladies. 

 

But I want to point out another place you can begin with. You say:

9 hours ago, Leilah said:

still live as one without showing my weakness

Maybe one of your first internal steps is to realise that this is NOT a weakness. It is not now and it never was. And hopefully in time you'll realise that it is indeed a strengh  

 

Trust yourself. Love yourself

Gabriel

 

[Leilah]

Thank you @Charlize, @Shayand @Gabriel? I am really blown away by the positive responses. Thank god I found this community and you people?

[Elizabeth Star]

1 hour ago, Leilah said:

Life is limited and anything may happen in a blink of an eye. And so, I should follow my desires so that I don't regret it later when I am dying. I am not trying to sound negative here but it gave me an awareness and courage to push through.

I don't think it's negative. You found yourself before it was too late. I took me being in a bike wreck where I broke my back and almost lost half of my face (it was just by chance I wore a helmet, I never wear a helmet) for me to wake up.

[Leilah]

I am sorry to hear that, @ElizabethStar. Are you better now?

And thanks for your kind words.

[Elizabeth Star]

Thanks @Leilah. I'm good now. That was 8 years ago. The incident made me start thinking about what I really needed from my life. I needed to be me and stop being everyone else's expectations. Another 5 years passed before I started having thoughts about transitioning and things started changing. A year and a half ago I had a complete breakdown and fully accepted who I was. Since then I've been a lot happier, my head is clear and I can think, I don't have angry outbursts. It was difficult at first but now I'll never look back. I know there are others out there that have gone through worse and I really feel for them.

[Leilah]

I can feel you @ElizabethStar. I am going through everything right now as you mentioned in your initial stages. Hoping for the best✌️

[Ivy]

Welcome Leilah

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Leilah,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hi @Leilahand welcome! So glad you found us! This is a great place to come out and also get the affirmation we all need, while doing so in a loving and safe environment. I hope you feel at home here. Bless you! ❤️