It's All in the Name

[Heather Shay]

Finding one's new name is a challenge to some and to other's, they've known it all along. I seem to be in the middle some place. Back in 1982 the name Shay came out of nowhere and been with me ever since. When I joined TP and started with new Therapist and HRT Healthcare - I used Shay. But another name also came - HEATHER. Many of you know me by one or the other. My wife knows I use a name other than my given name on this forum but has not asked what it is. I've given hints but I'm not sure she's ready. 

 

The more I though about it the more I'm thinking Heather-Shay as a middle name as I always hated my original middle name and for those who want to call me Shay - I like it , those who want to call me Heather - I like it. 

 

But the more I think of it - the more I'm thinking of using the female version of my dead name to honor the pain he continues to live with and the name is unlike any in my family AND might be easier to receive acceptance from my wife. So I'm now lending towards MICHELLE.

 

I kind of feel like the song Rocky Raccoon and to paraphase:

 

Her name is Michelle

But she calls herself Shay

And some others know her as Heather

 

Cheers and I hope you have a good day.

 

Names are important - be thoughtful and realize yours needs to fit.

 

[Jani]

Names are important as they are our first line of identity.  I think this is a nice name that has a nice flow as its spoken. 

 

[Charlize]

I also struggled with a name.  That is certainly not an issue most cis folks have to deal with.  They have been named and while nicknames may change that birth name does not.   I have gone by several names.  The pretentious Charlamaine being the first.  When i came here i was Charlie.  The time came for legal changes and i was blessed that my wife stepped in and helped.  Charlize was kind of odd to start but today it sticks.  There are traces of Chuck, Charles and occasionally Chuckles around but i no longer react to those names.

Perhaps the thing to do is to accept what name comes or is given for after all "A rose by any name......"

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Heather Shay]

I love Charlize - it sounds foreign, has a mystique about it, it's elequent yet simple and from your photo - it fits YOU.

[Ivy]

Funny… I have been thinking about this a lot lately.  I was about to post something, but found this thread.

 

I've been going by "Jandi" here and with people that know the "out" me. (which is pretty much who I associate with these days). But the name has some history that I am questioning now.

 

It has some connection with my ex.  And that is a relationship that I have a hard time letting go of at times since we were married like 45 years.  She seems to have moved on, living with a new boyfriend now, but I had my identity so tied to that relationship that I have really struggled to be just myself.  (Just to note: the breakup was not over trans issues, they hadn't really come up at that point.  Although perhaps they were there beneath the surface.)

 

I am happy to have finally been able to accept myself as a woman after fighting it for most of my life.  Awhile back, I was considering going through legal name change, although it would be a pain in the (you know what) but I wasn't quite sure that I really wanted to be "Jandi" because of this association.  I suppose maybe I feel like it was put on me, more so than by my own choice.  I guess it's complicated.

 

Lately I've been thinking about "Ivy".  I actually have a tattoo of an ivy vine running up my leg - although that was not a consideration at the time.  It would be more of a break from the past.  The more I think about it, the better I like it.  But I'm just not sure yet.  I've always had a hard time making up my mind.  Half of the time I can't even decide what to fix for dinner LOL.

 

I'd appreciate any thoughts on this.

[Audrey]

I feel names carry such a deep personal and emotional connection for us. I might have mentioned in my introduction a few weeks ago - Audrey has always been a name that resonated for me and really spoke to me. I think I first felt inspired by it back when I was growing up and admiring Audrey Hepburn. I remember thinking that I wanted to be like her. Later, when I learned that the name meant ("noble strength"), I knew that I'd found my true name. Now that I'm in transition, I feel so affirmed and accepted when people call me Audrey and use she/her pronouns when referring to me.

However, I never connected with my given (and hopefully soon to be dead) name.

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[TTheta]

I struggled with names as well, well when I stumbled upon Aidan, it just felt right, the euphoria was amazing. Some names I was considering, Arron, Alex, Angelo, Andrew, all names with A's since my legal name starts with an A. Some other names that I considered because of family, so my family wanted to call me potato I settled for Tato, but then I suggested Dan, which stuck for a little (while my family was in a good place) and Dan kinda stuck with me and is short for Aidan, help people with the spelling, because most spell Aidan like Aiden or smth. But I am extremely happy with Aidan. 

[Conner2020]

I feel very lucky, my wife and friends threw around a few names and we had actually settled for Travis but after telling my family they asked if I would use the name that would have been mine had I been born male and that's where Conner has come from. When I change my name by deed poll soon I will be using Travis as a middle name ?

[Jani]

@Jandi I like Ivy.  It is a name someone of our age might have been named at birth.  As your current moniker is tied to a past life maybe it is a good time to let it go.  

[Heather Shay]

Thank you. It is so interesting  to see how names come and names are so important. Some Native Americans changed names when some significant life event occurred. Names are so powerful. I try my hardest to spell names as the owners spell them out of respect. Sadly I don't always get it right so if I ever spell your name wrong I apologise in advance.

I hope others here at TP will share why and how they picked their name or their name picked them.

[Heather Nicole]

10 hours ago, Jandi said:

I actually have a tattoo of an ivy vine running up my leg

 

Oh, I love those sorts of tattoos! I've been thinking lately that if...(scratch that)...when I get to a point of passing and being more out, I definitely want a floral tattoo.

 

@Shay Michelle is quite a beautiful name. @Jandi So is Ivy. Always liked it.

 

I've mentioned how I came about my name before, but I like this thread, it's fun. ? So I'll share again. Maybe with a little more flair this time.

 

Picture it! Cleveland, early 1990's. Bright colors, loud designs and a young Will Smith were all the rage. (Ok, so I've been rewatching a lot of Golden Girls and can't help channeling Sophia.) Ever since around then I'd sometimes find it fun to try thinking of a girl's name for myself. (How did it take me so long to realize!) Never did come up with one that seemed quite right. I can be very indecisive sometimes.

 

Fast-forward to maybe a couple years ago, I find myself at a fast-food drive through, and the young guy at the window says "Hey there!". For a brief moment, I mishear it as "Heather!" and think "Hey, now there's an idea!" I've always loved the "heathered" fabric pattern. And I'd recently learned about a flower I really like called "Mexican Heather" (I love any kind of small purpley flower.) And of course the name just sounded nice to me anyway and feels very "my era" which means a lot to me, too.

 

Later on, the more I'd learn about the name only made me like it more. It's Irish and I like that about it. My grandfather's ancestry was a British-isles mix, including Irish, and I have to admit, a bright Celtic lass has always been one of my shining ideals of feminine beauty. And all the meanings of the name I've found just seemed to fit, too, including the name's connection with the Irish "Heather" flower (Just as lovely as Mexican Heather, and not a bad metaphor for me, either).

 

I considered Amy, too. I love that name as well, and how short it is. But if I switch to my mom's last name, which I fully intend to do when the time for name-change comes, well, there are reasons it might not be the best combination.

 

There are reasons for the "Nicole", too, involving my love of everything Christmas, my mom, and deeply appreciating and caring about a certain person - the little "boy" I used to be. Especially considering how intimately well I understand that kid's life and her struggles, being that they are my own. (I just want to travel back in time, hug the heck of out little me and tell her that no matter what does or doesn't happen, everything will work out fine.)

 

Oh! Now I'm getting a little teary...

[KayC]

@Shay ... Michelllle.. ma belle.  Sont les mots qui vont tres bien ensemble ... tres bien ensemble ?❤️

[Heather Shay]

@KayC Merci beaucoup

[KayC]

Je t'en prie @Shay!  and I LOVE your new profile pic❣️

[Heather Shay]

Thank you the old one had me in wig and I am determined to get more electrolysis (weekly) and highlights and only show the true me when it is time. I had 2 dogs in 20 years and we loved going in the woods every day. They are cremated and when I die I have in my will to be cremated and mixed with my boys and spread in our favorite woods.  The bottom line is that silhouette is the ideal me with  a dog.

[Kiera]

          My son and spouse are expecting a new "boy" any day now and, without any input from me, they have settled on "Jordan" which is not only very masculine sounding but can be "feminine" as well?

 

         Duaghter's two year old boy's middle name is the same as her "trans parent" (the male me) so must being doing something right, been honored yet physically replaced? He's got a great disposition (due not talking yet?), and is cute as a bug with long, curly blond hair! 

[Heather Shay]

Congrats grandma

[Elizabeth Star]

I struggled for a long time finding my name. When I thought of one to use I would try it on for a few days in my head. Sierra was stuck in my head for a long time and still in the background when trying on other ones.  It was when I made my appointment to start HRT that it happened. I was asked if I had a preferred name. I had to think fast it was now or never. While I was busy flipping through all the different names in my head, Elizabeth escaped my lips. Could I have found a name I like better? Probably. Most cis-people stick with whatever name they’re given. In a sense Elizabeth was given to me and just think of all the nickname options. I have been getting asked if I prefer Liz or Elizabeth. My common response is Liz will work unless you piss me off, then you’ll have to pronounce all 4 syllables. A middle name wasn’t as hard. I did consider the typical ones like Marie or Rose and a few others but I wanted something a little more unique, fun, short  and would have a little flow to it. A star is born. 

[Jackie C.]

My maternal grandmother and mother in law were both Elizabeth. They both went by "Betty." Personally, I think I'd prefer Liz too, but what do I know?

 

Hugs!

[Heather Shay]

@ElizabethStar Remind me never to piss you off. 4 syllables are a mouthful and I love that a STAR is born. I have never heard the name Star except for surnames. LOVE IT and love the story.

[Ivy]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

My maternal grandmother and mother in law were both Elizabeth. They both went by "Betty." Personally, I think I'd prefer Liz too, but what do I know?

I had a grandmother and sister named Elizabeth.  My sister was "Beth" and my grandma's brother called her "Bess".  

[Elizabeth Star]

I like having a somewhat common name. ?

[Jackie C.]

Nothing at all wrong with that. I have to correct people on spelling. Constantly. I'm not sorry, but it's a hazard if you have an uncommon name or an uncommon spelling.

The girl who works the front desk at my gym calls herself Griffon. Nothing wrong with that, but it's going to draw attention.

 

I've heard that a good method for choosing your name is to look up the most common names for your birth year and pick something in the top ten. My name is on the list for 1970, but it's buried in the second half somewhere. I still love it.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is that you have to wear it. Pick what works for you.

 

Hugs!

[Heather Shay]

Good point @Jackie C. - I'm still unsure but heavily leaning towards Michelle insted of Michele or Michellllle (what the L am I to do - I think I'll use the most common spelling - Michelle - it will be fun to do 4 loopy loo's).

[Elizabeth Star]

Y’all made me go look it up. 
My (dead-name) is 400+ down the list.  Less than 350 other people were given my name in 1974. 
 

Elizabeth is 12th with over 12k girls given the name in ‘74.