Seeing a New Face

[Linnea]

Hello, this is Linnea. For the first time in a very long while, when I look at my face I actually feel kinda happy! I'm still on month 2 of HRT but for me this feeling has been almost life changing! 

 

Its all very subtle things and sometimes I feel like its all in my head, but I'm perfectly happy with that. The whole reason I've been going through with all this is so that I can live a more honest life. I had been living my life pretending to be fine for so many years that I never realized how dead inside it had made me. Even if all the changes stopped here and I never end up passing I think I'd still be happy, because I've finally stopped pretending.

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, Linnea said:

Its all very subtle things and sometimes I feel like its all in my head, but I'm perfectly happy with that.

Hi @Linnea I doubt it’s all in your head. The mind is an amazing thing. I think our mind notices all the cumulative changes/differences that we can’t see when looking for them individually day to day. The changes with HRT are all very slow and very subtle...yes.

 

During my first two years of HRT, like you, I thought the changes I saw were all in my head mainly because one day I thought I looked more feminine than the day before but couldn’t pinpoint where the change was exactly. Yet on occasion the very next day, the progress I thought I made seemed to disappear. It was up and down like that the entire time. The only way I could clearly see the change is by comparing longer spans of time through images. Then I could see the fat redistribution, muscle changes (ok reduction in my case..lol) and an overall smaller restructured exterior.

 

2 hours ago, Linnea said:

Even if all the changes stopped here and I never end up passing I think I'd still be happy, because I've finally stopped pretending.

This is great to hear, Linnea. This acceptance of yourself and your starting to live authentically is at least as important as the physical changes you’re reporting. Enjoy your changes inside and out.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Gabriel]

3 hours ago, Linnea said:

I had been living my life pretending to be fine for so many years that I never realized how dead inside it had made me

 

Hi Linnea. That really struck a cord with me, as did living an honest life. Powerful words. Thank you.

 

It's wonderful you are feeling better already, noticing and experiencing those inner and outer changes. Congrats. I salute you.

[MirandaB]

Yes, good way to put it. If I wasn't dead inside, I was at least severely wounded, pretending to be fine. 

[Confused1]

Hi Linnea,

 

First welcome to TransPulse. I got started down this path a little differently than most and differently than I originally planned. I'm about twice your age. In March I received a Lupron shot before getting radiation for cancer. In about a month I started noticing the changes. I quickly knew that when the ADT hormone therapy is over I will NEVER go back. I have almost no T or E. First I noticed an enhanced sense of smell and colors started to seem different. Then I noticed beard growth slowing and softening of my skin. In a few months it seemed like even carrying a bag of groceries seemed harder. I started getting sore nipples the day after Thanksgiving. That I didn't expect because I have almost no estrogen. YMMV The largest change I experienced was in my head. It is like all the buzzing and noise going on inside that I had repressed all my life went away! I don't have to pretend it isn't there anymore. I didn't even realize I was transgender 2 years ago. I think you will continue to see the changes become more noticeable and even better.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Ivy]

Yes, welcome Linnea.

[Linnea]

Hello everyone, thank you for your comments. @Susan R Yeah I kinda doubt its all in my head too, its just hard to get past the mind games sometimes.

 

When I talked to my mom and sister recently they told me I was starting to look just like them and that they'd barely recognize me if they saw me walking past them. My inner realist keeps telling me that they were just being nice, but I still felt really great after hearing that. I feel very blessed to have the family that I do, and its one of the things I'm thankful for this holiday season.

[Miss Linnea]

First of all I must say you have a beautiful name. Welcome to TransPulse.

 

And it's really great that you are embracing your autentic self. It's more important than most people will ever realize.