Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Family Holiday Gathering and Presentation


Robin.C

Recommended Posts

Looked through a few posts and I wasn't able to find anything specific. Maybe I don't know what I'm trying to ask.

I shall give it a try anyway.

It's coming up to the time for family dinners around Christmas. For us it's one day with this part of the family another day with that part of the family, this dinner with your friends, etc.

I feel like I'm going back into my shell (back to boy mode). Is this something anyone else has experienced.

My thoughts are that I'm trying to hide again so I don't have to field any questions about the way I look or present.

Has anybody else felt themselves doing it subconsciously or even planned.

I am just trying to put my finger on these feelings that I am sensing.

 

Do I just need to put on my big girls blouse and just be done with it and enjoy my Christmas and ignore any comments ?

Early transition is a minefield of weird emotions and feelings.

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to comment
  • Admin
1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

Do I just need to put on my big girls blouse and just be done with it and enjoy my Christmas and ignore any comments ?

 

I was worried for a minute about your dinner hopping this year, but you are in a place where the Covid Virus is under a good degree of control. 

 

If they know you are coming out and being yourself, yes wear comfortable and tasteful female clothing.  I would wear something like a plain color blouse and maybe slacks or a simple skirt and subtle makeup.  The real talk comes from over the top outfits that reinforce people's prejudice about Drag Queens.  Conservative but definite female attire is fine and gets people paying attention above your neck, that is the best situation of all. Wearing a smile helps thing greatly too.

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Robin.C said:

My thoughts are that I'm trying to hide again so I don't have to field any questions about the way I look or present.

Has anybody else felt themselves doing it subconsciously or even planned.

Hey Robin, I had this very question too early in my transition back in 2018. I had come out to my wife a few weeks before a huge family Christmas gathering we had together as a family...grandkids and all, My wife and I had to decide to stick to our timeline or go for broke and surprise everyone. I decided to NOT come out to everyone at that time because I was not yet prepared mentally or socially.

 You shouldn’t put pressure on yourself to ‘come out’ to family at Christmas just because it’s a holiday and you feel like getting it done all at once unless you really feel the need, or time or even overdue. You might decide to share your news later with some of your family before others. You might decide to do it with someone ‘one on one’ or however you feel comfortable doing it. You don’t have to think of it as hiding, IMHO you’re just being smart and cautious and you just want to do it on your own terms.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Susan R said:

You don’t have to think of it as hiding, IMHO you’re just being smart and cautious and you just want to do it on your own terms.

Thank you my paranoia was getting it's little bottom going.

2 hours ago, gina-nicole-t said:

This is actually my last Christmas with my family who is deeply transphobic.

That's really sad, though sometimes it is what it is. I have yet to see what my family will be like.

3 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Wearing a smile helps thing greatly too.

They'll know something is up if I do that ?

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to comment

Was actually pondering this issue months ago but the way we've handled covid here in the US means I can table that decision until 2021. 

Link to comment

@Robin.C I'm totally in this moment now myself, early in transition and wondering if this is the right time to come out to anyone in my family. So far, I've only come out to friends and my partner, which has been an overwhelmingly positive experience so far. I'm riding a bit of an emotional high and feeling like I want to keep that positive energy going. I have a pretty good idea that my mother will be supportive when I do come out, but I'm a lot less sure about my brother, father, and extended family (some of who would be "God made you male and He doesn't make mistakes" types). Part of me wants to wait until I'm further in transition and more passable than I am now, but another part of me wants to know what coming out will do to my family relationships so they can transition along with me from an earlier stage. This year though, I'm not traveling to see any family as they're all out of state and the idea of getting on a plane during COVID-19 doesn't sit well with me. Coming out on Zoom isn't ideal, but it's has the only way to see some people in my life since March.

 

The other consideration for me is that I have a relative in poor physical and cognitive health, and this is likely to be his last Christmas. I feel like the focus should really be on making this a happy holiday season for him, rather than the holiday season when I came out. So I might take the approach that @Susan R describes by being more cautious and maybe coming out to someone 1:1.

 

Wishing you the best with coming out if you decide to do it!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Robin.  Perhaps I missed something, but it is not clear to me whether or not you are already out to family.

 

If not, I would hold off on coming out until after Christmas.  People get upset if anything throws of their preconceptions about that particular holiday.  In general, it is not a good time for people to accept change.

 

On the other hand, if you are already out to them, then it is a perfect time to show them who you really are.  Dress like they expect ladies to dress for Christmas and have fun being yourself.

Link to comment

@KathyLauren you haven't missed anything. I haven't come out to my family only my partner and two close friends who have all been very supportive.

I still feel unprepared to deal with my family as yet.

Definitely going to leave it until after Christmas so we can all just be a happy family ??

 

Hugs

Robin

Link to comment

Happy belated holidays! I'm not sure how much more celebrating you have planned now, but I know the first holiday season after I'd come out was tricky to navigate for me. I had come out the summer before moving away for college, and all through my first semester I'd been living full-time as Rory and I'd been out to everyone on campus. When I went home for Thanksgiving I detransitioned for the most part, my family had seen me wearing makeup and growing out my hair so it wasn't so much that I was hiding anything, just that I wasn't explaining my gender to anyone. It got weird then when my family came up to visit and attended a jazz concert I was playing in and saw my name as Rory on the program, so when I went home for winter break I did end up coming out to my immediate family. Over the next couple weeks I danced around between being Rory sometimes, and [name redacted] around other family members. Finally on new years day I came out publicly via Facebook and since then I've let my extended family figure out the rest on their own. Now three years later I don't really think twice about being out to my family, but it's still a bit weird to navigate around the distant cousins and and relations that I only see a couple times a year who still struggle with misgendering/dead naming me and I don't know how long that'll take to get better. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 96 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • Dannie250
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      769.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,058
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Aleksandria
    Newest Member
    Aleksandria
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      Conner_Sent_By_Cyberlife
      (22 years old)
    2. CtN1p
      CtN1p
    3. heyim_finn
      heyim_finn
      (21 years old)
    4. Jayn
      Jayn
    5. joni_girl_1988
      joni_girl_1988
      (51 years old)
  • Posts

    • Betty K
      Yes, essentially. As Julia Serano says, they view trans outcomes as intrinsically worse than cis outcomes. 
    • Jani
      I used to but now its just lip gloss every now and then, in a subdued tone.
    • Ivy
      Yeah, a lot of times I don't really have anything to add to the conversation. There are some threads I seldom post on.
    • Ivy
      I have seen some things about this.  As I remember it was not very trans-friendly. The people doing these things seem to minimize the positive aspects of transition, and maximize the potential problems. Basically, make it as difficult as possible (without outright banning it) to discourage anyone from doing it.
    • Willow
      Good morning    woke up to some light rain this morning.  Maybe I should run out with a giant umbrella to cover the car.   Ha ha ha.     I’ve had really nice cars before but never something like this.     @KymmieL I hope you got to go on your ride. Back when I had my Harley we went out for a ride almost every weekend. We would head either SW down the Shenandoah Valley or Skyline Drive which danced along the tops of the Mountains or we would head west into West Virginia and just travel along until it was time to find our way home.   occasionally I wish I still had a bike but I usually quickly for get that. The only thing I ever wanted as a young person that I never had was a late 50s vette.      
    • April Marie
      I admit to wearing make-up. Actually, I'll admit to enjoying wearing make-up. For me, it's been part of learning about myself as a woman and finding a style and look that reflects my personality.    Sometimes, it will just be a bit of mascara and a touch of lipstick. But, most often I wear foundation with setting powder, gel eyeliner, mascara, a little blush on my cheek line and lipstick. I also use an eyebrow pencil to darken my brows a bit.  Infrequently, I will add some eye shadow.   Most of my make-up is from Mary Kay although my lipsticks or from various manufacturers and eyeliners are mostly Maybelline. My wife purchases most of her make-up from Mary Kay and so we order together from our local representative. Of course, I don't have much brand experience but I'm happy with the Mary Kay products and find myself transitioning almost entirely to their line of make-up.
    • KathyLauren
      I did early on, out of necessity.  Regardless of how close you shave, beard shadow shows through.  I just used a bit of foundation, setting powder and blush.    I didn't use much eye makeup.  I started out with a bit of eye liner, but I thought it gave me a "trying too hard" look.  So I mostly didn't use any.   With covid and masking, I stopped using makeup altogether.  Why bother when no one can see your face and the mask smears the makeup anyway?   When restrictions were lifted, I didn't go back to wearing makeup.  My face feminized quite nicely over the first few years of HRT.  I'll never be pretty, but I look more female than male.  (Or I like to tell myself that anyway.)  With several years of electrolysis, and with what facial hair remains turning white, I don't have much beard shadow, so there is nothing to cover up.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you use make-up? If so, why and what  types?
    • Heather Shay
      Pride is primarily about yourself, even when it is not you who did something that you are proud about. You can also be proud of something someone else did, who you associate with, such as your children or your favorite football team. People can feel proud of their culture, their family name, or their appearance, none of which require them to actively contribute to the praiseworthy thing1. However, the opinions of others are of crucial importance, as best demonstrated when you purposefully do something that other people praise. Pride is a social emotion, and to feel proud, you need other people’s (real or imagined) confirmation that you have a reason to feel that way. Because of this, other people can also ‘be in your head’ and prevent you from feeling pride. Namely, what is praiseworthy is subjective. Things that may be considered good in a certain (cultural) group may not be praiseworthy in another (e.g., if you grew up in a family that greatly values academics, your athletic abilities may not evoke much praise). Moreover, what is praiseworthy is relative (e.g., if you are a good runner in an athletically average school, you may regularly feel proud about your times; but if you move to a school with highly competent athletes, these same times may seem unremarkable to you). Thus, the more exclusive your quality is in your surroundings, the prouder you feel. Pride has recognizable features. Although its static facial expression (typically a smile or laugh) does not clearly distinguish it from other positive emotions, it typically results in a bodily posture, gestures, and behavior that are clearly recognizable: lifting your chin, looking people in the eye, walking confidently, or in extreme cases, raising arms above your head. In a way, you try to make yourself larger and more noticeable, as if to say: ‘look at me!’ You may also exhibit more perseverance in your activities2. People generally find it very pleasant to experience pride, as it elevates our feeling of social self-worth and status3. At the same time, many social groups, religions, and cultures (especially those that are highly collectivistic, such as the East Asian or African culture) believe that pride needs to be checked. Unchecked pride leads to arrogance and misplaced feelings of superiority (‘letting something get to your head’, ‘hubris comes before the fall’), and social groups typically do not tolerate members feeling like they are superior or deserve special treatment.  
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Thank you @missyjo! You do wonders for my ego.   It turns out that pastel colors were the "thing" at Kentucky Derby Day so my dress was perfect. I went with white 5" heeled sandals and a wide-brimmed fuscia hat. Dinner and Mint Juleps added to the fun of watching the (recorded) festivities and races.   Perhaps, we'll repeat it for the Preakness in 2 weeks.   Right now it's just blue striped sleep shorts with pink flowers, a pink t-shirt and flip flops. I can't tell you how much wearing  sleep-rated breast forms at night has done to quell my dysphoria. 
    • April Marie
      I can still rock 5" heels.

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...