Hi from Rachel!

[RachelSB]

Hello!  I'm going by Rachel on here, because that will be my name if I decide to transition.  Right now, I'm still questioning.  Specifically, my body has three individual personas - me, who's been with the primary male self as long as we can remember; the male self, who is the birth persona; and a male inner child.  Now, the inner child is the primary reason for our questioning -- he is extremely afraid of us transitioning, because he thinks that there won't be any room for him after I come out permanently, and currently, I can't say that he's wrong.  So we just started seeing a counselor, to try to resolve his fears, and see if we are a good candidate for transitioning.

 

The big question for whether we transition is how will we be happier?  I know that our wife will be happier if we transition -- she's theoretically bi, but leans lesbian.  And it was me who originally proposed to her! ? But going through transition mostly for her is not a viable idea -- we're the ones who are making a permanent change in how we relate to the world.  There's so much to consider....

 

Thanks for being here, and for being a sounding board.  Jackie Rabbit (the person who pointed me to the group) keeps saying that the fora are full of girls who have been there and done that, so I'm hoping beyond hope that there's someone on here who can at least relate to what we're going through on a practical level, if not actually having the multiple-persona issues we have.

 

Blessed Yule, and Happy Holidays of whatever sort you practice!

 

Rachel

 

[Audrey]

Welcome Rachel! I'm so happy you've come to the forums and learned of us through Jackie Rabbit's channel.

You'll find a wonderfully supportive community here as you come to understand yourself and your gender identity and expression, and your decision about whether, when, and how to transition. You're absolutely among friends here!

 

We've looking forward to getting to know you!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[VickySGV]

Welcome Rachel.  We will do our best to help you out and simply be friendly.  Your situation is a bit of a mind bender, but I am one who believes we should never abandon any of our inner selves.  I keep discovering that my male self did some remarkably good things that he could not see about himself (along with some nasty things that were all he could see) and I let him see the good as I find it which is more often than I really believed when I first transitioned, and with that type of loving parenting for him, he is now content, but still comes around from time to time to talk.  He is not really an alter for me, but the concept is close, and so I get what you are talking about.

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hi @RachelSBand welcome to the group!!! It’s great to have you here and Jackie rocks! I’m here because of her videos. Thx for sharing your story with us. I trust you will find this groups very welcoming and helpful. ❤️

[Jackie C.]

Salutations @RachelSB! Welcome to Transpulse!

 

I have to ask though, you mention three male selves and I see you're AMAB so where is the conflict? No judgement. My IFS looks like a fairy tale but a little more information might help?

 

Hugs!

[RachelSB]

4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Salutations @RachelSB! Welcome to Transpulse!

 

I have to ask though, you mention three male selves and I see you're AMAB so where is the conflict? No judgement. My IFS looks like a fairy tale but a little more information might help?

 

Hugs!

I'm sorry , I may have been unclear.  There's me, Rachel, the female persona that's been present for as long as we can remember; there's the male birth persona; and there's our inner child, who's male and we've known about for about 20 years.

 

I don't know the abbreviations here, so what's AMAB and what's IFS?

 

The big question that we need to resolve is: Is transitioning the best thing for all three of us?  We don't want to shut the child out, but that's his big fear.

 

I hope that answers your questions?

 

[Jackie C.]

Thank you! Light is shed. That clears things up immensely. I read through your initial post three times and my math kept coming up Male + Male + Male + Male = Transition? Thank you for taking the time to clear up my confusion. 

 

The abbreviations in question are:

• AMAB: Assigned Male At Birth
• IFS: Internal Family Systems which is a therapy method by which the facets of your personality are identified and personified so they can be more easily interacted with. Also the specialty of my therapist.

Now while I'm not personally familiar with DID, I'd expect that if transition is right for you and your male persona, it would be right for your child as well, but I am (obviously) a long way from being an expert. Definitely something to go over with your therapist.

 

In the meantime, love, support and feel free to tell us more about yourself. I look forward to getting to know you better.

 

Hugs!

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Rachel,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Ivy]

Welcome Rachel

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Rachel.  I hope you find being here helpful and a good place to learn and find people who understand you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Susan R]

Welcome Rachel, TransPulse has been a comfort for me during my transition. Many here would agree it’s a safe place to develop new friendships. Feel free to ask those ‘hard to find’ gender specific questions we all need to know. There’s undoubtedly at least a few that have gone through something similar and can provide you much needed insight. We can be an invaluable tool to research just about anything gender related.

 

On 12/22/2020 at 7:41 AM, RachelSB said:

I'm hoping beyond hope that there's someone on here who can at least relate to what we're going through on a practical level, if not actually having the multiple-persona issues we have.

I haven’t looked at my past personas as different persons per se but I’ve experienced two completely different lives when living in each persona—one being female and the other male. I couldn’t accept either until a little over two years ago. Now, I feel ‘almost’ whole and free. I’m still affected on occasion from the damage that suppression, denial and compartmentalization caused me living my life in the closet. I have a good therapist who helps me with those issues in addition to my friends here. So far so good. I think you might feel the same way after spending some quality time getting to know a few of us here.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?