Combining

[Guest aquariusbob25]

Hi!

I'm new to CD'ing. I admit I love to wear women's clothing sometimes, but get really gloomy when I give in to this (I also have a light depression which doesn't help!). Does this depressing feeling get less after a while?

Also how do I combine my non CD life with my CD life. It's like I can't combine a healthy social life (work, friends, school, whatever) with CD'ing...

Thanks!

AB

[Guest Ashlee]

Hello AB,

First I want you to know that I really know how you are feeling.

I have been crossdressing since I was very young, and over the course of almost 40 years of various levels of crossdressing, I have come to develop who I am and what feels comfortable for me.

There are things you need to consider in able to find your 'spot' on the spectrum of transgenderness.

Have you or do you plan to "come out" to your family, friends, co-workers? This is probably the biggest decision you will make about crossdressing.

Do you wish to go out in public looking completely as a woman or do you want to just keep it confined to your home? Or, do you want to only go out in public wearing underclothes with your male clothes over the top? Many crossdressers do this and can be very satisfying. Going out in public will also mean full makeup, removal of leg/facial/upper body hair, breast forms, clothes, and an attitude that is fitting of a woman.

Are you married? have children? How will this affect them?

I have found that coming here to Lauras is a means of 'therapy', helping others has made me feel better about my crossdressing and I feel happy when I am able to dress up. Even happier when I can dress up and go shopping!

It takes time to find your level of comfort with crossdressing. We are a bit different than those that choose to fully transition. They have a definite goal in mind - to fully become, look and live as a woman. We only want to have that on a 'part-time' basis. It probably sounds a bit selfish, but if it is what we want out of life, if it makes us feel good, if it doesn't harm anyone else, then its OK with me!

I hope some of my rambling helps. I wish you the best in finding yourself.

{HUGS}

Ashlee

[Guest Rachel05]

Well over the years I have gone through a whole host of different feelings and I have been dressing in one form or another since 7 or 8yo, I have had the "why am I like this", the guilt over being like I am, wondering where it was all going to lead, but now and it has happened over the last 3 or 4 years, I have grown to really enjoy who I am.

I am married and have kids, the kids don't know but my wife cuaght me out, she never talks about it, but it has helped me to know that she knows, and I combine my normal life with my secret life underneath, I go to work more often than not in my female panties and quite often in stocking (hold ups) under my normal everyday work trousers and it feels fantastic, it is not a pssing phase, it is who I am.

I do want to go out at some stage, I dress full in the confines of my own home when everyone is out, that includes dress and heels and I love it, have not moved to make up yet, but I know I will and then one day I will open the door and venture out, but not just yet.

For now I am happy in my skin and know for sure I need this part of my life.

Hope this helps to see you are not unique, I am a relatively new member here and it has been great for me to know I am not alone

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dear AB,

It is quite natural to go through feelings of shame when you first start to expressing your femininity. When I first started cross-dressing, I went through the same thing. I will tell you this hon, there is nothing to be ashamed of! This took me years to understand. Just relax and express yourself (I know this is easier said than done). As time passes, so will the guilt feelings. Dear AB, know this! There is nothing wrong with crossdressing!! There is nothing wrong with you! Explore your feminine side. This is how you will better understand who you are.

LOL

bernii

[Guest Elizabeth K]

As bernii says - you are okay just as you are.

I think your question is how to feel a bit CD when not dressed? Buy an ankle bracelet - simple and gold. Wear it all the time. You may have to have it made depending on the measurements - tape it using a cloth measure, add about one inch.

It works well - very feminine and very private. And you can use the spin its in memory of a friend.

Lizzy

[Guest Emily H]

Ah yes, there is nothing wrong at all you know. I used to have guilt feelings, and that should come, though there is nothing to be guilty about. I suppose it is a natural response, doing something, in private, keeping it a secret from others because they might have a negative response?

In a perfect world there would be no such thing as negative responses, rather, open embraces to each other's individuality and general applause to human acceptance of each other. Though as I am certain we are all aware, we do not live in a perfect world. Why, that would be completely boring.

If you feel strongly enough that your femininity and masculinity are intersecting, you should toy with the idea of telling somebody you know about it. But that is something you must thing long, hard and carefully about. Its hard for a lot of people to understand us sometimes.

Personally, I would love, in all reality, to be able to be a girl, go out shopping with friends, hang out, spend whole days like that, then be a guy, be at home, by myself, maybe work on something for the good of my family, or do some kind of work, or hang out with the guys at somebody's house, talking about girls we see, our COD4 strategies (well, for me, I'd be discussing Halo 3), or how 'retarded' geometry homework is, and we would probably laugh at the stupidest jokes ever, but really, they would be funny in the way that we made them.

Once again, we don't live in a perfect world. But the main thing is, you must think, feel, who you are, where you want to take dressing, and put yourself first. After all, it is YOUR life, and as long as you don't hurt anybody, you can do anything that feels right.

Written as a boy, living in this imperfect world where we constantly glance over our shoulders to see if mom or dad is coming.

[Guest aquariusbob25]

Thank you all for your positive comments! You've given me a lot to think about!

Kind regards,

AB

[Guest Flora]

Like Ashlee said, I understand exactly what you mean too. I still find myself with feelings of guilt after dressing up for a while as I am only new myself to admitting it all to myself. Its good to hear that it does go away as acceptance of yourself grows

I underdress a lot more than I used to, especially when shopping for more undies or hanging out with my (female) friends. Being around other blokes on the other hand still makes me incredibly insecure, and I still dont know if that will change or not.

Not sure what works for you, but I have told a close cousin of mine, and a few select close friends (all female) which helped incredibly I found, but they happen to all be fairly open minded so it was pretty lucky for me.

Let us know how it all goes

Flora <3

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Hi!

I'm new to CD'ing. I admit I love to wear women's clothing sometimes, but get really gloomy when I give in to this

Could it be that your dressing as a woman comes with the guilt from years of people telling you that men don't wear women's clothing?

I know that was my big struggle for a looong time.

[Guest Krystyna_Marie]

AB - Welcome! Most of us have struggled with this aspect of ourselves in some way or another - the danger of being "outed" by others, the guilt associated with doing something that gives us pleasure, but that may concern our closest loved ones because they don't really understand why we do what we do, and how we are who we are. My wife found me out this past winter, and it's been very uplifting and freeing for me, because I had hidden my second self from my wife throughout our marriage. I took a couple of steps to make this part of my life accessible to me when I want it - I am stocking a closet in our "bonus room" above the garage with my pretty dresses, skirts and other clothing so I have a safe sanctuary at home in which I can pull the blinds and indulge my preferences without the neighbors seeing. I pierced my left ear and wear a small, discreet silver, onyx or faux diamond stud 24/7 so I can "adorn" all day long - it caused a bit of a stir at the office for a few weeks, but believe me, everyone has moved on and I'm no longer the talk of the workplace - my earring fell out the other day drying off from the shower, and I didn't realize until half way through my workday, and everyone's so accustomed to seeing it on my ear that no one noticed I didn't have it in!

I love to dress fully, get made up, try on my outfits, and be out in my own house, I have made a few "baby step" forays into going out dressed - I found an alternative bar in my hometown that is very anonymous (anybody there is there for the whole scene, they can't very well ask me what I'm doing there!) and I went out one Saturday night, had a lovely time even if a bit scary to be "out". I've driven around in my car dressed, which is also very anonymous and a lot of fun - it felt natural to me to be driving dressed (makes sense, I drive in drab all the time!), be careful with your high heels, though they're tricky.

I hope you can find some comfort in your special nature (I think it's very special, and think I'm more of a complete man, so to speak, being in touch with all of my feelings, leanings, and preferences). I also hope you can find a way to carve out some personal space to accommodate your femme lifestyle, however you choose to let that lifestyle play out, in private or in public. I am old enough to know life is short, and this is a most enjoyable part of my life now, and I'm not giong to let other people and their funny (to me!) ideas limit my possibilities - you are the captain of your own ship, AB!

Kisses -

KM