Obligatory intro because it's cool or something

[MayGay]

I'm May, and I'm bigender, simultaneously both a woman and a man and like my identity is pretty static and I experience it all as one gender to give the short version. I also am androgyne to say I'm both masculine and feminine. 

 

I use sh'he/hi'er, he/him, and she/her pronouns and don't really have a preference just I don't use they/them please don't use them for me.

 

Gender is kind of like quantum mechanics for me. And like I can describe my gender as being a superposition of man and woman, masculine and feminine, male and female. I can make the basics sound really simple but the closer you look at it the more complex and unintuitive it gets. Did I mention I'm a giant nerd?

 

I'm mostly here to talk about my very unconventional, very bigender transition. And like maybe talk about gender things too.

 

Oh I made my own bigender pride flag because the one that's originally an intersex flag really resonated with the merging part but doesn't quite work for me so I made something more representative of my gender. It's a blue gradient representing the masculine and a pink gradient representing the feminine merged into each other becoming one and the same. That's why there's no separate bars or anything.

 

 

On the topic I'm intersex too but not in a way that really changes anything for me I didn't even find out or suspect I was different in that way until my 20's. It's like a neat thing but isn't visible and doesn't impact me in almost any way especially my gender. The only meaningful way being intersex really impacts anything in my life is I'm infertile which is how I found out in the first place. Which actually saved me a massive headache but completely different story.

 

Anyways I'm pretty chill and am super open to talking about pretty much anything so never hesitate to ask me stuff. Like there's no bad questions only ones I may not answer.

[tracy_j]

Hi May, welcome to the forum

 

Thank you for your introduction.

 

I am familiar with a lot of what you say as I live pretty much that way too. I tend to be more female than male but I am still legally male and, although presenting female 100% of the time. That way it does get confusing at times as some people know me as male and some as female. I have tried explaining to people but have largely given up now as they just don't get it or, even worse, totally disregard what I say. It's almost funny as, with other things, I am well regarded. People just seem to shut off when they hear something they cannot cope with.  I just really go with the flow and live how I do. My take is that the gender border does not really exist and most of the population will gravitate to one side or the other due to as much human nature as anything else.

 

It's interesting you not liking they / them. I tend to be the same too.  I can tell you that, from my experience, it is not an easy path to tread but the path of most people here isn't either. I look forward to your input to the forums.

 

Tracy

[MayGay]

Sorry you've had a hard time in some places.

 

Yeah I just like do my thing. But my presentation is kinda fluid and whimsical and all over the place. You'll swear I'm a cis woman one day, a cis man the next, but I usually have a kind of unique both at once presentation I usually tend to do. I'm probably confusing to people who don't really know me and my partners all use all my pronouns. Like sometimes he and she in the same sentence. So that adds to the gender chaos lol. And sometimes I just do it to confuse people on purpose.

 

Like my masc and fem aspects are equal, but not so much in the middle as much as just everything at max. But I don't really discuss my gender outside trans spaces and close friends and family. Like I kind of just let everyone make their own assumptions about my gender like as long as people aren't being transphobic I don't really care what they think. It's probably at least partially right anyways.

 

Most of the reason I'm not fond of they/them is people who don't want to be gendered or don't have a gender usually use them so it's kind of a that's not me thing. It actually makes me a bit dysphoric, like my brain goes why are you calling me agender when it happens. Also people want to try to make they/them a universal pronoun that everyone is expected to use and I'm a nonconformist by nature. So that's just like an extra layer of no on top of what's already a pretty big no.

[tracy_j]

Yes - It's the way of the world to sort things into little boxes. No, I don't get too many hassles now, thank you, as I just am. I tend to be similar in some aspects to you but I am never, and never have been, heavily male. I just don't get the male thing. I can understand what you mean in the way you say you are. From my experiences I see it being difficult. I can see your being a bit dysphoric with terms. No, I see where you are coming from but I am probably somewhat more MTF than both male and female if you get my meaning, although not totally rejecting my male side.

 

Tracy

[MayGay]

I can get that. Yeah I'm very both and like people who know me can see it. And there's always times that people surprise me and I get gendered unexpectedly. I'm just happy I can be myself now. And it lets me focus on the hard part of my transition which is like hormones and surgeries and stuff. And is way more important to me than anything else. And, well my goals are pretty much right inline with everything else.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi May,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Jonah]

Hey there May! I'm new here myself but I wanna drop in a little hello!

 

Actually, it's neat you mention the intersex thing. I'm pretty much the exact same way.

 

Looking forward to reading your posts! 

[Eden Noel]

Welcome May! Good to see another fellow Canadian here. I felt the same about they/them pronouns around when I first considered using them. That's part of why I also use a neopronoun, as I feel it describes my feelings about my gender a little better.

 

It's neat that you are able to describe your gender so vividly! There are some people who are not so fortunate in that aspect. Also, it's neat that you took it upon yourself to create your own flag!

 

I hope you enjoy your time here!

[MayGay]

Hey yea just my chromosomes are not what you would expect them to be. 

[MayGay]

Thanks Eden. I have a very different experience from most other trans people. And I think too hard about it but I kinda need to. Especially when figuring out stuff like transition goals. While I can explain my gender vividly, like my vision of sort of my ideal self in the future is a blurry mess. And especially now that I'm really trying to set more solid goals so I can actually achieve them I've really had to think about it. And I'm having some interesting thoughts about my gender lately which I'll probably share when I have them better sorted.

[Vanessa Michelle]

@MayGay welcome to the group!!