Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I am Zooey. Finally.


Zooey

Recommended Posts

Hello. My name is Zooey. I'm a 42 year-old trans woman. I've known I'm a girl since I was five years old. But I was raised in a strict conservative home in the rural south in the United States. I have spent my whole life keeping this secret. And as you all know it has been painful much of the time and unbearable some of the time. I'm a girl and I've been forced to live in this body. It's not fair that I've had to pretend to be a boy my whole life. 

A month or so ago I finally decided it was time to be myself, at least with my wife. Who knows how much time I have left, you know? I told her I am a woman and she reacted in the best way imaginable. She sort of shrugged her shoulders and said, "that's cool". She actually acted confused that I thought it might be a big deal. "So, you're a woman. OK. What do you want for dinner?" And just like that, we are wife and wife. She even calls me her wife and uses my real name. I'm getting emotional just talking about it right now. I don't know if I'll come out to the world just yet but I'm thankful I no longer have to hide in my own home. 

Anyway, I look forward to sharing more of my story over my time here. I'm thankful I found this forum. I can't wait to get to know some of you and find myself even more through the resources available here. Thank you. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Zooey.  Welcome!

 

I am so happy for you that your wife is so accepting!  I am lucky in that respect, too.  I wish you success in whatever transition steps you might choose to take.

 

Regards,

Kathy

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Aww, that's sweet @Zooey! I'm glad your wife had such a positive response!

 

Yeah, completely understand where you're coming from. I expect you'll find a lot of the girls here have similar stories. My "What am I doing?" moment didn't come until I was 48, but yeah. I completely get it.

 

Anyway, welcome to Transgenderpulse! Please feel free to join the discussion as the mood strikes you. We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Hi Zooey, it's nice to meet you and welcome to Trans Pulse! I'm so touched to read about how your wife has so openly accepted and supported you, what a beautifully affirming experience that you can be yourself in the comfort of home and not keep such an important part of yourself hidden from everyone, especially with the kind of environment you describe you grew up in. Like you, I hid and even actively denied my own gender identity and expression for years until the pain of doing so became too much. I've now come out to my partner as well as several close friends, and transitioning to living as a woman.

 

Looking forward to getting to know you!

 

Love,

~Audrey.

Link to comment

Hi @Zooey. I glad you found us. This really is a great place. I've been here about 7 months and have learned and grown so much. There are so many helpful and understanding people here.

Link to comment

Hi @Zooeyand welcome to the group!! Boy, when I started reading your first paragraph I wondered if someone had copied and pasted mine here. I can really identify with a lot of what you shared. I hope you feel at home here. This is a great place with a lot of awesome people. Thanks for joining us! ❤️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Zooey,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

Link to comment

Thank you all so much. I feel so safe here. And I wanted to reiterate that my wife is so amazing. She treats me like a girl now and our relationship has never been stronger. We were friends before but now it feels more intimate. We're going out right now to find me some tops and fingernail polish. I truly believe she is as excited as I am. I love life right now. I absolutely love life right now. I wish everyone was so lucky. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello @Zooey, You have truly been blessed. It takes a rare individual to be able look beyond gender and see the core person and realize...”Hey, this person regardless of their presentation means everything to me and I want to support them in any way I can.”

I think you will continue to experience a wonderful journey with your wife right along side you. Moving into the role of wife has been an incredible experience for me and I’m sure you’ll soon see, if you haven’t already, just how fulfilling it can be. Thank you for sharing some of your uplifting news with us here. It gives others hope that things can work out even after coming out.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Zooey said:

I love life right now. I absolutely love life right now. I wish everyone was so lucky. 

 

It makes me so happy to read this!  :)

Link to comment

Hi Zooey, I'm SO happy for you and SO jealous at the same time.  I'm 52 and came out to my wife a few months ago and it was NOTHING like your experience.  The first thing she said to me when I told her I was a woman was "are you gay?".  To that I said "no, I'm lesbian".  It didn't make a difference, she wants to have nothing to do with it, refuses to go to couple therapy, refuses to acknowledge it, threatens to leave when/if I start transitioning, accuses me of destroying the family when/if I come out, blames me for deceiving her by not telling her before we got married 23 years ago, and on and on and on.  Notice she said "when/if" because to me it's not an IF it's a WHEN and WHEN it happens I'm pretty sure the kids will be with me and she'll be the one left behind.  Anyway, this is about you, not about me.  Do make the best out of what you have and take extremely good care of your wife, she so totally deserve it and you totally deserve her.

 

Love

Link to comment

BTW, I love to hear stories like these, sure I'm jealous but people like your wife make the world a better place for current and future generations.  For me it's too late, my wife is how she is and won't change, I have to wait another few years before I can do anything.

Link to comment

I don't mean to keep harping on it, because I know some here aren't as fortunate. But I'm sitting here in clothes which confirm my identity, complete with breast forms and a bra my wife bought for me. My kid has accepted the change. I know it will be more challenging if I ever want to go out in the world as myself. But I'm happy today. I wish everyone could have this. I wish I'd been more brave earlier on. Wow. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Nothing at all wrong with being happy and letting people know. We need to have affirming stories as much as we need to give each other support when things go poorly.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Zooey the day may soon come when you will want to start moving in the world as yourself.  Your families support will help! I can say that is wonderful to walk into the ladies room with your wife.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
18 hours ago, Zooey said:

But I'm happy today. I wish everyone could have this

I wish so too.

Have fresh ground coffee this morning, which I’m usually too lazy to make.  

I’m at my daughter’s for the weekend.    They invited me up to get away from the house for a bit.   She has been one of my biggest supporters since I came out, and even went to appointments with me in the beginning when I was terrified.  
 

1 hour ago, Charlize said:

 I can say that is wonderful to walk into the ladies room with your wife

I have had this offer from my daughter, but chickened out.    Sigh.  Maybe soon.   I have been told I pass better than I realize.   I do know that things do get easier with time.  

Link to comment

Thanks, as always, everybody. We discussed hormones today but she's not 100% sure she's ready to move that far just yet, if ever. I am 6'3 and not likely to pass. Regardless, it would be nice to have a body closer to the one I've always wanted. It's a big decision. If I only had myself to consider I'd begin hormones ASAP. But for now I'm going to get used to being myself out in the open. And it's nice hearing my wife using my pronouns and my real name. We're still in early days. Who knows what the future holds?

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 127 Guests (See full list)

    • Mirrabooka
    • Betty K
    • Ashley0616
    • VickySGV
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. BraxtonLee
      BraxtonLee
      (26 years old)
    2. Bryanna
      Bryanna
      (45 years old)
    3. Jayde1
      Jayde1
    4. Mireya
      Mireya
      (66 years old)
    5. Shellianne_Kay83
      Shellianne_Kay83
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      Voting is compulsory here, for better or worse. Would doing the same in the US snap people out of their apathy?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am noting you use CRT terminology.  The comment is not out of the blue.  Some of your remarks on religion suggest atheism.  So it is believable that you are a Marxist, knowingly or not.  Are you?
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Congrats to your family on the new addition!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Funny you think that I would be able to get through more than two sentences with how bad my stutter gets (joking, of course)   My topic would probably be mythology, random Japan factoids in my mind, or a favorite story   (Best option would be a fave story of mine including a lot of factoids on Japanese myths-)
    • Willow
      Congratulations @ivy. Nothing beats a family growing two feet at a time!
    • April Marie
      I read each of your entries and learn so much. Thank you, especially, for the TransCentralPA info. I have been looking fora group and activities where I could express myself safely and with support. I missed this year's conference but next year might be possible and I am going to look at their other events, too.
    • April Marie
      Leadership and Management, the differences and similarities between the two as well as the applications of military leadership principles across the spectrum of professions.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I have read numerous accounts of trans folk no longer being welcome among evangelicals.   I am here for help and fellowship not to rebuke anyone.  I can take a pretty high degree of insult, etc., and you haven't insulted me, to my recollection anyway :) and I usually let it go.  But I thought I would let it all out there.   I am sure I disagree with you on numerous issues.  I appreciate other people's viewpoints, including those who radically disagree with me.  Intellectual challenge is good. One thing I appreciate about @MaeBe.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Congrats!
    • Sally Stone
      Post 8 “The Ohio Years” We moved to Pittsburgh because of the job with US Airways.  The job involved classroom instruction and simulator training, but no actual flying, so I kept looking for an actual pilot position.  A year after signing on with US Airways I got hired to fly business jets.  The company was located in Cleveland, Ohio, but I was flown commercially from my home in Pittsburgh to where my aircraft was located, making it unnecessary to live near company headquarters.    My flight scheduled consisted of eight days on duty with seven days off.  Having seven days off in a row was great but being gone from home eight days in a row was difficult.  For the first few years the flying was fun, but after a while the eight flying days in a row, were taking their toll on me.  Those days were brutal, consisting of very long hours and a lot of flying time.  Usually, I came home exhausted and need three days just to recover from the work week.  Flying for a living is glamorous until you actually do it.  Quickly, it became just a job.    After five years as a line captain, I became a flight department manager, which required we live near company headquarters.  That meant a move to Cleveland.  Working in the office meant I was home every night but as a manager, the schedule was still challenging.  I would work in the office all week and then be expected to go out and fly the line on weekends.  I referred to it as my “5 on 2 on” schedule, because it felt as though I had no time off at all.   About the same time, we moved to Cleveland, my wife and I became “empty nesters,” with one son in the military and the other away at college.  Sadly, my work schedule didn’t leave much time for Sally.  Add to the fact that while Cleveland is an awesome city, I just never felt comfortable expressing my feminine side.  Most of my outings, and believe me there weren’t enough, occurred while I was on vacation and away from home.   One of the most memorable outings occurred over a long weekend.  I had stumbled across an online notice for a spring formal being held in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, hosted by a local trans group there.  I reached out to Willa to see if she was up for an excellent adventure.  She was, so I picked her up and we drove to Harrisburg together.    The formal was held on Saturday evening and we had the absolute best time.  It turned out that organizers were a group named TransCentralPA.  Everyone was wonderful and I made a lot of new friends that evening.  We learned the spring formal was one of the group’s annual events but for the following year, instead of a spring formal, the group wanted to do a local transgender conference.  That local conference would become the Keystone Conference, and I would attend every year for the next 12.  My move to the west coast was the only reason I stopped attending annually.  I went to the first annual Keystone Conference as an attendee, but in subsequent years I served as a volunteer and as a workshop presenter; more about those in the next installment.   For my Cleveland years, the Keystone Conference would be my major outlet for feminine self-expression.  Yes, I did get out on other occasions, but they were too infrequent.  The managerial job just didn’t allow me the freedom I needed to adequately live my feminine life, and my frustration level was slowly, but steadily on the rise.  It amazed me how adversely not being able to express the feminine half of my personality was affecting my happiness.   However, a major life change was upcoming, and while it would prove to be a significant challenge in many ways, the events would ultimately benefit my female persona.  First, my mom and dad got sick.  They were in and out of the hospital and required personal care.  My wife and I did our best but living in Cleveland, we were too far from them to give them the support they both needed.  Second, I was experiencing serious job burn out.  I decided I need to find another job and I needed to be closer to my parents.    Things changed for the better when I got hired by an aviation training company as a flight simulator instructor.  I would be training business jet pilots.  The training facility was located in New Jersey, which put us much closer to my parents, and the work schedule was much better for quality of life.  Most importantly, this life change would help Sally re-emerge and once again flower.    Hugs,   Sally       
    • Mmindy
      I made a living talking about bulk liquids in cargo tanks transportation as a driver and mechanic. Safe loading/unloading, cleaning and inspecting, as well as emergency response scenarios.   Hazmat and fire behavior in the fire service as well as emergency vehicle operations and safe driving. "It was on fire when they called you. It will be on fire when you get there." Arrive ready to work. I could also talk about firefighter behavioral  heath and the grieving process.   The real fun thing is I can do this for people who are not Truck Drivers or Fire Fighters. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Citizen Tax payers about Public Safety Education.   I love public speaking,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...