The Story about Sylvia

[Sylvia Feng]

 

Hi everyone,

Last September, with a lot of help from my therapist in making the decision, I came out as a transwoman to my close friends and relatives, most of my online friends, and my parents. I turned 35 last December, and this confession to everyone was something that had been on my mind for at least a decade. Around that time (2009) when I was supposed to finish undergrad, I had my first manic episode (and subsequent depressive crash) along with a relapse into anorexia/bulimia that I’d struggled with since I was 11. It took residential treatment and seeing lots of pdocs/therapists to address the bipolar and eating disorders, but even after that happened, something still felt off. I moved to California to pursue an MFA in creative writing but I didn’t complete the program and moved to San Francisco with my -then- girlfriend, which was where we lived for six or seven years. The GF at the time was accepting and supportive when I told her about the gender dysphoria I had experienced for most of my life. In 2018 I moved back in with my parents for yet another school thing, an MSW internship (a program that I actually finished) with an agency in the state they lived in. I also started seeing my current therapist around that time, and it took a while for me to feel safe enough with her to work on the gender questions I had. What set everything in motion, though, was meeting another transwoman that I’d recruited at the end of 2019 for a tabletop roleplaying campaign I wanted to run. She(Nina) reached out and we talked about her transition and challenges she’d experienced. She also told me about how she got started on HRT. This was a couple months or so before I came out to everyone in September of 2020. One of my close friends I’d told who’s intersex and was familiar with services in the state I was living in gave me direction to an LGBTQ-friendly agency that provides HRT. I started taking the meds that agency’s doctor prescribed me on September 29^th, 2020, and I’ve been on them since. Even though my coming out to my friends and parents was a big step (my friends have been so helpful and encouraging), my very conservative Christian parents weren’t as receptive as my friends. My father belittled me when I told him why I was starting HRT and my mother chalked it all up to a phase or whatever, and while they haven’t disowned me, I unfortunately still live with them as I try to find a way to get licensed as a clinical social worker so I can start my own business as a counselor. Which leads me to now.

The other week my therapist helped me set a goal to find a trans group/community, because I’ve felt so isolated due to the pandemic this past year, and really only have Nina as my closest support aside from my ex-gf. I found TransPulse because I had some questions about HRT and it seems like a really great place with a lot of great people. Also, I’m sorry because I hope this intro wasn’t too long or that I may have said something wrong. I’m testing the waters carefully here because I’ve run into some pretty toxic communities on Discord in the past, and I don’t want to get burned again.

Thanks for reading, and please let me know if you have any questions and I’ll be glad to help answer them! ?

-Sylvia

[Jackie C.]

Hello Sylvia and welcome to Transpulse!

 

We like to think of ourselves as pretty good people. so thanks for noticing! ?

 

While we're happy to answer any questions you might have, I do have to remind you that we're not doctors. You should absolutely discuss your medications with whoever is giving you your HRT and taking your blood levels as well. So with that out of the way...

 

Again, welcome. We're glad you're here.

 

Hugs!

[Ivy]

Yes, welcome Sylvia.

This is a pretty safe place to be yourself.

[Aggie1]

Hi Sylvia 

I read every word and I can relate to all of it. I actually have a daughter who is bipolar who came out as bisexual while we were attending a conservative church. As she struggled to stabilize her bipolar condition switching meds and attempted suicides she also sensed something else was off. I was the unsympathetic parent in denial about my own sexuality and she hated me and left home.  I believed if I worked hard enough at repressing it, i could defeat it and i hoped that she might be able to do the same. 
 

you can’t outrun it. It’s taken me 65 years. You did it in half the time, well done

 

Btw, my daughter is thrilled with my decision and I have the best relationship with her I have ever had. It’s actually a side benefit as I was scared to death what my wife and daughters reaction would be. Would they be forgiving and understanding of all the negative effects my repression has had on their lives. I did it primarily for the woman inside regardless of the consequences.

 

anyway I hope you feel welcome here. I’m fairly new myself and this is my main trans community, although I am slowly expanding my real world connections as I share more of my heretofore hidden self.

[Sylvia Feng]

2 hours ago, AgnesBardsie said:

Hi Sylvia 

I read every word and I can relate to all of it. I actually have a daughter who is bipolar who came out as bisexual while we were attending a conservative church. As she struggled to stabilize her bipolar condition switching meds and attempted suicides she also sensed something else was off. I was the unsympathetic parent in denial about my own sexuality and she hated me and left home.  I believed if I worked hard enough at repressing it, i could defeat it and i hoped that she might be able to do the same. 
 

you can’t outrun it. It’s taken me 65 years. You did it in half the time, well done

 

Btw, my daughter is thrilled with my decision and I have the best relationship with her I have ever had. It’s actually a side benefit as I was scared to death what my wife and daughters reaction would be. Would they be forgiving and understanding of all the negative effects my repression has had on their lives. I did it primarily for the woman inside regardless of the consequences.

 

anyway I hope you feel welcome here. I’m fairly new myself and this is my main trans community, although I am slowly expanding my real world connections as I share more of my heretofore hidden self.

Thanks so much for the empathetic comment, and I'm glad that your decision has had positive results in your family and overall life.

[Davie]

3 hours ago, Sylvia Feng said:

 

 

 

 

3 hours ago, Sylvia Feng said:

Hi everyone,

 

Last September, with a lot of help from my therapist in making the decision, I came out as a transwoman to my close friends and relatives, most of my online friends, and my parents. I turned 35 last December, and this confession to everyone was something that had been on my mind for at least a decade. Around that time (2009) when I was supposed to finish undergrad, I had my first manic episode (and subsequent depressive crash) along with a relapse into anorexia/bulimia that I’d struggled with since I was 11. It took residential treatment and seeing lots of pdocs/therapists to address the bipolar and eating disorders, but even after that happened, something still felt off. I moved to California to pursue an MFA in creative writing but I didn’t complete the program and moved to San Francisco with my -then- girlfriend, which was where we lived for six or seven years. The GF at the time was accepting and supportive when I told her about the gender dysphoria I had experienced for most of my life. In 2018 I moved back in with my parents for yet another school thing, an MSW internship (a program that I actually finished) with an agency in the state they lived in. I also started seeing my current therapist around that time, and it took a while for me to feel safe enough with her to work on the gender questions I had. What set everything in motion, though, was meeting another transwoman that I’d recruited at the end of 2019 for a tabletop roleplaying campaign I wanted to run. She(Nina) reached out and we talked about her transition and challenges she’d experienced. She also told me about how she got started on HRT. This was a couple months or so before I came out to everyone in September of 2020. One of my close friends I’d told who’s intersex and was familiar with services in the state I was living in gave me direction to an LGBTQ-friendly agency that provides HRT. I started taking the meds that agency’s doctor prescribed me on September 29^th, 2020, and I’ve been on them since. Even though my coming out to my friends and parents was a big step (my friends have been so helpful and encouraging), my very conservative Christian parents weren’t as receptive as my friends. My father belittled me when I told him why I was starting HRT and my mother chalked it all up to a phase or whatever, and while they haven’t disowned me, I unfortunately still live with them as I try to find a way to get licensed as a clinical social worker so I can start my own business as a counselor. Which leads me to now.

 

The other week my therapist helped me set a goal to find a trans group/community, because I’ve felt so isolated due to the pandemic this past year, and really only have Nina as my closest support aside from my ex-gf. I found TransPulse because I had some questions about HRT and it seems like a really great place with a lot of great people. Also, I’m sorry because I hope this intro wasn’t too long or that I may have said something wrong. I’m testing the waters carefully here because I’ve run into some pretty toxic communities on Discord in the past, and I don’t want to get burned again.

 

Thanks for reading, and please let me know if you have any questions and I’ll be glad to help answer them! ?

 

-Sylvia

 

Welcome Sylvia.

I am also new. I've been here about two weeks and while no one's perfect I feel welcomed here and not judged. Thanks for your story. As a lifetime writer and editor, I can see your schooling in creative writing was not wasted. Anyone who articulates so well about a life that difficult is bound to be both helpful and welcoming to others. Welcome again.

--Davie ?

[Sylvia Feng]

3 hours ago, David K. said:

 

 

 

 

Welcome Sylvia.

I am also new. I've been here about two weeks and while no one's perfect I feel welcomed here and not judged. Thanks for your story. As a lifetime writer and editor, I can see your schooling in creative writing was not wasted. Anyone who articulates so well about a life that difficult is bound to be both helpful and welcoming to others. Welcome again.

--Davie ?

Aw, I'm blushing! lol, thanks for the compliment and nice welcome! What sort of writing do you do?

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hi @Sylvia Feng and welcome to the group!! This is indeed a safe place to make friends and ask questions. We do a good job making sure it stays that way. Thanks for sharing with us. I am so glad you found us!! I am a Christian so I can understand side of things well. I hope to see the day when gender and orientation are no longer something that keeps people in the Church from wanting relationship with those who don't fit their ideal. ❤️

[Sylvia Feng]

13 hours ago, Vanessa Michelle said:

Hi @Sylvia Feng and welcome to the group!! This is indeed a safe place to make friends and ask questions. We do a good job making sure it stays that way. Thanks for sharing with us. I am so glad you found us!! I am a Christian so I can understand side of things well. I hope to see the day when gender and orientation are no longer something that keeps people in the Church from wanting relationship with those who don't fit their ideal. ❤️

Thanks so much Vanessa! And while I was raised in a Chirstian family and went to Christian middle/high schools, I don't really consider myself a Christian now. That doesn't mean I dislike Christianity/Christians at all though! Some of my closest friends are Christians, but they're also really understanding and accepting of who I am, so that's good.

[Heather Shay]

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME @Sylvia Feng

 

I know you'll find listeners and those who have so much in common here. I'm glad you were able to come this from by 35 - T hasn't ravaged you as much as me - I'm 68, fought my entire life to deny the obvious and today it has more acceptance so know everyone here wants to help and say - you are not alone. I was raised Catholic but I also realize even with all the guilt built in - that God made me who I am and my journey isn't that of others and each of us has our own journey that is not like that of any other person and I think that the Christ would agree with that. 

Shay

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sylvia.  I hope you find the support and guidance you're looking for here.  Enjoy posting questions and contributing to the forums.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Sylvia Feng]

4 hours ago, Shay said:

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME @Sylvia Feng

 

I know you'll find listeners and those who have so much in common here. I'm glad you were able to come this from by 35 - T hasn't ravaged you as much as me - I'm 68, fought my entire life to deny the obvious and today it has more acceptance so know everyone here wants to help and say - you are not alone. I was raised Catholic but I also realize even with all the guilt built in - that God made me who I am and my journey isn't that of others and each of us has our own journey that is not like that of any other person and I think that the Christ would agree with that. 

Shay

 

3 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Sylvia.  I hope you find the support and guidance you're looking for here.  Enjoy posting questions and contributing to the forums.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Hi Shay and Carolyn, thank you for making me feel so welcome!

What forums would you recommend I check out?

[Carolyn Marie]

2 hours ago, Sylvia Feng said:

 

Hi Shay and Carolyn, thank you for making me feel so welcome!

What forums would you recommend I check out?

 

I think you will find the MtF Forum, Hormone Replacement Therapy Forum, and Transgender Issues Forum very helpful, but please check any out that sound interesting to you.

 

Carolyn Marie

[KayC]

Hi @Sylvia Feng!  nice to meet you and, Welcome!

 

You HAVE found a wonderful Community here, as I can see you have already discovered.  Thank you for the beautiful Introduction.  We all have similar stories with different paths and destinations, and we are happy that you've chosen to walk with us. 

 

Looking forward to hear more from you❣️  Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Sylvia Feng]

15 hours ago, KayC said:

Hi @Sylvia Feng!  nice to meet you and, Welcome!

 

You HAVE found a wonderful Community here, as I can see you have already discovered.  Thank you for the beautiful Introduction.  We all have similar stories with different paths and destinations, and we are happy that you've chosen to walk with us. 

 

Looking forward to hear more from you❣️  Deep breaths ... one step at a time

Hi KayC, thanks! I'm still trying to get a sense of the dialog that the different threads in the various forums have. It's a little overwhelming, lol, but I'll be taking it slow I guess.

 

-Sylvia

[SheenaT]

On 2/16/2021 at 8:25 AM, Sylvia Feng said:

 

Hi everyone,

 

Last September, with a lot of help from my therapist in making the decision, I came out as a transwoman to my close friends and relatives, most of my online friends, and my parents. I turned 35 last December, and this confession to everyone was something that had been on my mind for at least a decade. Around that time (2009) when I was supposed to finish undergrad, I had my first manic episode (and subsequent depressive crash) along with a relapse into anorexia/bulimia that I’d struggled with since I was 11. It took residential treatment and seeing lots of pdocs/therapists to address the bipolar and eating disorders, but even after that happened, something still felt off. I moved to California to pursue an MFA in creative writing but I didn’t complete the program and moved to San Francisco with my -then- girlfriend, which was where we lived for six or seven years. The GF at the time was accepting and supportive when I told her about the gender dysphoria I had experienced for most of my life. In 2018 I moved back in with my parents for yet another school thing, an MSW internship (a program that I actually finished) with an agency in the state they lived in. I also started seeing my current therapist around that time, and it took a while for me to feel safe enough with her to work on the gender questions I had. What set everything in motion, though, was meeting another transwoman that I’d recruited at the end of 2019 for a tabletop roleplaying campaign I wanted to run. She(Nina) reached out and we talked about her transition and challenges she’d experienced. She also told me about how she got started on HRT. This was a couple months or so before I came out to everyone in September of 2020. One of my close friends I’d told who’s intersex and was familiar with services in the state I was living in gave me direction to an LGBTQ-friendly agency that provides HRT. I started taking the meds that agency’s doctor prescribed me on September 29^th, 2020, and I’ve been on them since. Even though my coming out to my friends and parents was a big step (my friends have been so helpful and encouraging), my very conservative Christian parents weren’t as receptive as my friends. My father belittled me when I told him why I was starting HRT and my mother chalked it all up to a phase or whatever, and while they haven’t disowned me, I unfortunately still live with them as I try to find a way to get licensed as a clinical social worker so I can start my own business as a counselor. Which leads me to now.

 

The other week my therapist helped me set a goal to find a trans group/community, because I’ve felt so isolated due to the pandemic this past year, and really only have Nina as my closest support aside from my ex-gf. I found TransPulse because I had some questions about HRT and it seems like a really great place with a lot of great people. Also, I’m sorry because I hope this intro wasn’t too long or that I may have said something wrong. I’m testing the waters carefully here because I’ve run into some pretty toxic communities on Discord in the past, and I don’t want to get burned again.

 

Thanks for reading, and please let me know if you have any questions and I’ll be glad to help answer them! ?

 

-Sylvia

 

?