Dreams

[Linda Marie]

I really don't even know where my dream started, didn't even know why.

So young, so innocent. 

So young. 

 

So here I am, so much I've been through, and I would not change a thing. 

Well, I would of loved to have gotten rich during my journey, but, well that didn't happen.

 

So I ponder, where would I be right now if I changed my ways?

 

It has been 21 years since I came out, how much has changed?

 

Not much really, I find myself on a pedestal, the same as when I first came out...

then poop stopped hitting the fan, then .....then.....

 

Look around you, what do you see?...those that pretend to love you and you find out...

You are nothing more than a token to this lifestyle. a bragging point to others.. 

 

all the work you have put into relationships, being friends, family, ext. all comes back on you.

 

Now the finger is on you, you become their scape goat.. And it will never end.

 

So what do we do now?   So far I just try and live through it.

It never seems to end. I brought this to myself, I live with it.

 

Will if I could change a thing, what would I change?

 

Gosh, that is a scary thought, to change your own course of history.

 

So what is going on in your life? I shared, can You?

 

 

 

[Linda Marie]

Yes the dream. I really have no name now. Even my male friends don't see me anymore. I'm no longer the guy they new, 

kind a like I turned my back on them. I don't blame them. In on honesty I did turn my back on them. 

So I moved on...and my dream started to come true...and then the reality...the nightmares never ended.

So much for the dream. 

Work started after that, and I don't mean the 8 to 4 shift...I mean selling myself back, I'm still the same person.

So much for that dream. So where is a dream?

 

Well, I'm still living a dream, a journey, where will it take me?, I don't know. 

One thing I do know is I'll never give up the dream.

Love,

LM.

 

 

[Linda Marie]

So I really wonder ... yes I wonder....so much at an early age...so much more to go through.

I knew I wasn't like them.

And still I wonder....what if????♥️

Dreams

 

 

[Linda Marie]

So one day I come out. A dream come true, no more hiding, Wow, no more hiding. Well crap, I really wasn't

thinking about that part, and surely never thought about the part where I dress up in front of my wife.

Nobody warned me about that part. So there I am all smiles and dressed up in front of my wife, and all I see 

is the tears and fear in her face. Wow, has my dream become my nightmare? 

As I move forward in this topic, all is about me and my spouse, all is true. 

All is about when and after I came out. All is about my home life and what my wife and I have been through up till now.

When dreams become reality we have 3 options, Clap, Cry, or just say....-what the heck-....

 

 

[Jani]

At first I thought you were writing about having a dream when you slept, but I saw it was about "future dreams."

 

Its hard.  Before I came out I never thought much about life beyond what I was living.  Once i made the decision it opened up possibilities.  I figured relationships would go where they would.  So far its been good for me.  You are correct that in reality we do have three choices, be happy, be sad and/or just roll with it. 

 

Cheers, Jani

[Linda Marie]

Waking up from a dream, yeah, by now I have 4 outfits, I dress up a lot, make up and all,

still only dress up at home, and then. She breaks down. She unloads on me screaming and crying.

I was blind sided by this, I thought all was good until this moment.

I'm dressed up and she comes in and starts to scream at me. She really wasn't screaming at her

husband, she was screaming at the person he was becoming.

 

The following week came the next volley. Now wife and our daughter tag team me with the screaming and kill you tears

in their eyes. How did I handle all this? So far my daughter who was 20 at the time, my wife of 24 years at the time, and my son who at the time was 17. I mean I'm surrounded by screaming all blaming me for lying to them all these years.

I was really tired of hearing the cry's at night, and totally sick of being blamed. 

 

I sat them down, told them I will leave if you wish, if you wish me to stay, stop blaming me, and then we chilled out

or I thought. When I got my name Linda Marie all hell broke loose again. It seemed to never end, all is well, then boom,

all falls apart.... 

[Linda Marie]

By now I'm very well known on the circuit and home life has settled.

Still the fear in my wife's eyes when I went out. 

I had been noticing this for a while now and finally asked her, and she blind sided me again.

She told me she was scared I would not come back home, she said, and believe this...I'm scared the -transgender- circus will take you away from me.

The -transgender- Circus...never heard that one before she had said it. I had a good laugh, and we both laughed.

waking up from a dream I stated calling her every chance I had while I was out as Linda. I mean at least 3 times a night.

I kept her up dated, Then.....electrolysis...the the meetings, counseling, ext. And finally where we are at today. 

We have been married 45 years now, rain or shine♥️ 

 

[Linda Marie]

So to finish my dream and outcomes, I hope my story helps those just starting or thinking about coming out.

Electrolysis came next, then the meetings, sometimes my wife would take me and read outside, she even baked cake for our meetings.

I went through counseling and approved for srs, one thing was in the way...me.

I still had obligations to the family. What do I do now? I called HR and my union reps, sent them pictures of me as Linda

Yeah that was a rough one. But I had to protect my job. Being a federal employee also helped. We were protected!!!!

This is stuff I never DREAMED I would go through. 

So now I'm set so what's next. HRT, yes, and approved, also approved for breast implants.  Then I wake up.

Why at my age should I go any farther? I have it all as it is, I'm outed to all and free to me at any given time.

 

As far as the HRT, my doctor who knows all about my lifestyle recommend I not start HRT at my age but he referred  me a plastic surgeon for breast implants, gosh  that was a bright day at the doctor's office. ( will I have them?)  I'm leaning that way. ♥️