Something Snapped

[JustineM]

Oh ladies I’ve got a bit to share, but let me first say the title doesn’t mean anything bad happened ?. 2 weeks ago I had a full weekend off so I took advantage of the time to paint my nails. Normally I would take it back off Sunday night before starting my work week. However when Sunday rolled around, something just kinda snapped in me. I didn’t want to take the polish off and I realized something. I just don’t have the energy or drive to try and pretend to be two different people. I can’t do it anymore. So I left the polish on and have started being more open about being transgender and my desire to transition. I’ve told some of my coworkers and even a couple of my clients. 2 of my clients were even bouncing in excitement when I told them lol. So the cats truly and well out of the bag and I don’t see her ever going back in. 

[KathyLauren]

Congratulations, Justine!!  Yes the energy it took to live a double live was one of the major factors that motivated me to transition when I did.

[Jackie C.]

Congratulations!

 

I felt much the same way when I came out. Not. One. More. Day. I'm so proud of you and so happy for you! That took courage!

 

Hugs!

[Bri2020]

OMG, i'm so happy for you!  It honestly is easier to be out FT I believe. The toxicity of trying to hide who we are is so much more challenging than dealing with the occasional person whos a jerk about it.  And having people jump up and down for us is so uplifting that makes it worth it IMO.

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, JustineM said:

So the cats truly and well out of the bag and I don’t see her ever going back in.

Trying to get her back in there can get kinda messy.

[Susan R]

2 hours ago, JustineM said:

something just kinda snapped in me. I didn’t want to take the polish off and I realized something. I just don’t have the energy or drive to try and pretend to be two different people. I can’t do it anymore.

Hello Justine, Same experience I (and my spouse) had. Looking back at it now...it was an exciting time. It felt sort of like a spy novel with two separate identities but in the end it was just too much work. One day after leaving a trans support group, instead of pulling into a local church parking lot and changing my clothing, my spouse and I just decided to walked into the house as women. Typically it was 10:30pm and we assumed none of our neighbors were up still. We were wrong. Our next door neighbor was getting his mail and saw me but said nothing. That was that so the coming out for me began that very week.

 

Justine, I think you’ll thank yourself if you haven’t already. There was stress in the hiding myself that I didn’t even realize until I was completely ‘out’. I’m sure you’re starting to experience that same relief from that freedom to be yourself too.

 

My Best,

Susan R?

[Gabriel]

Well, I am not a lady, but I am truly happy for you @JustineM. It's so great you arer getting supportive feedback from your coworkers and clients. Ain't it liberating?   

[Aggie1]

2 hours ago, JustineM said:

So I left the polish on

Good on you!!

 

Same here. Just. Could. Not. Remove. It.

That’s how I came out to my wife and daughters.

Once I was out I started looking for connections to others. This is one forum. I have joined a number of other LGBTQ groups since then. In one sense, coming out of the closet was like going to the back of the wardrobe and entering the magical kingdom of Narnia. One that some people who consider themselves respectable  in the “real world” speak of in hushed tones and are quick to repeat gossip based on fear and ignorance.

 

I’m learning though that there are many many people who know about Narnia, and are quick to compliment on the nail polish. I get asked my opinion more often, and mentioned as an example (positive ) in conversation by people whose opinion I care about. 
 

I think people can tell when you’re living a double life and subconsciously give you a wide berth.

[Heather Shay]

@JustineM I've had those little revelations and I'd consider it another incremental change, another step towards freeing yourself from the cage you've been in all your life. I can relate. I'm not there on nails but with HRT there are other areas becoming more and more obvious. Congratulations, I'm proud of you.

[Bri2020]

1 hour ago, Shay said:

@JustineM I've had those little revelations and I'd consider it another incremental change, another step towards freeing yourself from the cage you've been in all your life. I can relate. I'm not there on nails but with HRT there are other areas becoming more and more obvious. Congratulations, I'm proud of you.

You're not gonna be able to hide it long Shay, summer clothing choices are right around the bend . 

[Jani]

4 hours ago, Bri2020 said:

It honestly is easier to be out FT I believe.

This is true IMO.  Living a double life was exhausting.  

 

All my best to you @JustineM!!

[JustineM]

9 hours ago, Jandi said:

Trying to get her back in there can get kinda messy

Probably as messy as trying to give a kitty a bath lol.

8 hours ago, Gabriel said:

Well, I am not a lady, but I am truly happy for you @JustineM. It's so great you arer getting supportive feedback from your coworkers and clients. Ain't it liberating?   

and gentlemen! It feels great!

 

thank you everyone! I have felt SO good this week. Even getting my route work done faster lol. I have more to share but I’m grilling dinner at the moment so I will post more when I get a little more time.

[JamieMackenzie]

@JustineM whoop whoop get it girl! Congrats and welcome to the life of your authentic self! 

 

I swear estrogen hits me so hard hearing these stories, they just fill my heart and bring a tear to my eye! YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!!! YAY!!!

[JustineM]

So there is a little more to the last few weeks.  Had a few comments on my nails, one of my co-workers was trying to get a look at them, so I kinda curled my hands to keep him from seeing them, just to mess with him a little.  Started talking to about it and he asked if this was the starts of a transition.  Apparently I mentioned something to him a while back and didn't even remember.  I told him yes and he laughed, then realized I was serious. He thought I was joking, I did set him straight.   I talked to my therapist and told her about my revelation, she was naturally quite happy.  

 

I have felt more energetic and a hell of a lot less stressed the last few weeks.  Its kinda weird but I'm actually even finishing my work faster. I've been sticking to my beauty routine better, I had been slacking due to stress and lack of motivation. It has seriously been a turn around moment for me. Its hard to believe it all started over something as small as some polish.  

[Ivy]

I suspect nail polish is a first step in coming out for a lot of us, myself included.

[Drayse]

I can verify that it was an early step for me. Of course I'd also been crossdressing on the down low off and on for years. Mainly by way of pants as that was one of the few pieces of clothing that wasn't really standardized at this particular job. But when I decided that I couldn't supress myself anymore it was nail polish that got people's attention. Then it was eyeliner, eye shadow, etc.

 

I'm so happy that I'm out full time now. And I got some press-on nails that I'm going to try out this weekend. I'm very excited!

[Susan R]

8 hours ago, Jandi said:

I suspect nail polish is a first step in coming out for a lot of us, myself included.

For me this was partially true. I couldn’t go as far as actually applying nail polish but I let them grow out extremely long, filed and shaped them as ‘almond’ tips and then used a polish grade nail file on the nail surface to give them a sheen slightly less than that of a clear nail polish. My wife and son-in-law both noticed them. My son-in-law said absolutely nothing. However, my wife smiled and said, “Your nails look better than mine”. I said nothing back. She never mentioned it until I came out to her a month or so later..LOL

 

Susan R?

[Betty K]

9 hours ago, Drayse said:

And I got some press-on nails that I'm going to try out this weekend. I'm very excited!

 

Did somebody say press-on nails? I love press-on nails, but it's hard to find ones that fit. Let me know, won't you Drayse, if you've found a brand that fits you, especially your thumbs. The only brand I've found so far is Ardent Nail Addict, but I'm not crazy about their designs.

[Heather Shay]

@JustineM amazing the way something can remove the yolk of depression.

[Delcina B]

Great news, Justine! I can only imagine the relief, as the double life is where I'm at today. It does get mentally exhausting trying to be two different mes.

 

I'm just beginning this journey to stop suppressing the femme in me, for so long thinking something was wrong with me. Just accepting I wasn't created the typical binary human being was a huge relief in itself.

 

I had the conversation with my wife last night, that was another relieving step. Not surprising she had suspected something for years. We'll see what evolves after she's had a chance to digest it, as she sees it as a perversion, but was open enough to accept I have these feelings.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[JustineM]

1 hour ago, Delcina B said:

I had the conversation with my wife last night, that was another relieving step. Not surprising she had suspected something for years. We'll see what evolves after she's had a chance to digest it, as she sees it as a perversion, but was open enough to accept I have these feelings.

Good luck!  I hope she see's that your happier

[Delcina B]

Thanks Justine! She has & has asked I not present in front of our family, then after seeing the therapist we could talk about it some more. I've played the double gender hiding in the closet life for a long time, hopefully a little longer won't hurt. 

 

[Charlize]

Hiding in a closet and changing back and forth was amazingly stressful.  Fortunately time here, therapy, my recovery groups and circumstances brought me to the point of self acceptance.

Transition still brings up some difficulties but the stress has disappeared 99% of the time.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Princess-audra]

@JustineMI am happy for you. I always look forward to your post on here. I know you are a few steps ahead of where I am right now. You give me hope.

[Shawnster]

I'm So happy for you!!! I still haven't snapped.... but starting Estrogen soon..... Snapping might just be in the cards....right now, I'm just painting my toes and shaving my legs I haven't worn mens undies in two years, I don't think I even own any at this point!?!?!!? LOL, the beard is even trimmed to the point of almost gone...Baby steps are still steps.... 

 

Hugs, Shawn