Tips for Dealing With Dysphoria?

[Rebekah H]

Hi everyone.

 

I was wondering if any of you could share any tips you have for dealing with dysphoria as it's been kicking my backside recently.

After the initial euphoric feeling of embracing the real me, this voice in my head started in with all the self doubt I've had for years only now it's worse than it was before. I've tried ignoring it but I'm not entirely sure that's an optimal solution.

 

I apologise if this has been asked about before but I'm struggling and could use some help.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Jackie C.]

What usually works for me is self-care. Whenever my brain starts feeding me that, "You're not really a woman. You're just pretending," nonsense I work on myself. Part of that is the hours I spend in the gym. Part of it is just learning new things or practicing my art (which I guess is the SAME thing now that I think about it). The voices usually shut up when I'm concentrating on being the very best version of myself I can be.

 

Hugs!

[Heather Shay]

I communicate with my sisters here and I try to get busy with something to take my mind elsewhere.

[VickySGV]

Put away the idea you are going to be a "woman" and reduce it to "I am going to be ME".  I am going to be THE BEST ME I can possibly become!  The BEST you is composed of many parts such as health and personal skills as @Jackie C. said above. It is going to require learning new skills which will take time to develop as well.  You can pick a new skill such as female speech patterns and try them on for size to see if hearing new ways of speaking slow down the "D" without aggravating the side that says "you aren't" or "you can't" or "you are being phony".  Take it to a point where it feels comfortable without applying any strict gender label to the behavior and then work on any shame of doing it that new way by stuffing the shame into the kitchen garbage pail where it belongs.

[rainflower]

Where is the dysphoria coming from? The main thing is to remember that you are trans, not cis. Don't hold yourself to cis standards. I was worried a lot about passing in the beginning and it caused a lot of dysphoria, I would compare myself to other trans women that looked amazing and easily pass. When I quit that and just focused on being myself and doing my best, presenting in the way that was good and comfortable for me, that helped a lot. So don't compare. For mtf anyway, I have noticed extremes with this and an unhealthy trend to look like a supermodel. Heavy photo filter use, excessive makeup, selfies that probably took an hour to get right, an obsession with having large breasts (I think it's forgotten that many cis women are A or B cup). So because of this, I am very careful where I spend my time online and that is protective for my mental health. I left all the facebook groups I was in because they were mostly just manicured selfies and the most attractive ones got all the attention, while someone that was actually in distress got few responses. 

[Rebekah H]

1 hour ago, AwesomeClaire said:

Where is the dysphoria coming from? 

I think it's because I'm pre-everything so I still very much feel like a "guy" outwardly at least. You are right though, I see a lot of young, attractive trans women online and that voice goes "See, you'll never look like that" even though I don't neccessarily want to look like that.

 

Thank you everyone for the advice, I definitely need to invest some more time in self-care and being less brutal on myself. I love you all and I mean that.

[Robin]

It is better to be a caterpillar that feels like a butterfly, than a butterfly that feels like a caterpillar.

 

Robin.

[rainflower]

1 hour ago, Rebeccaa73 said:

I think it's because I'm pre-everything so I still very much feel like a "guy" outwardly at least. You are right though, I see a lot of young, attractive trans women online and that voice goes "See, you'll never look like that" even though I don't neccessarily want to look like that.

 

Thank you everyone for the advice, I definitely need to invest some more time in self-care and being less brutal on myself. I love you all and I mean that.

Good. Yes, being pre everything can be a struggle. Before hrt I got a wig and very fem clothes that I really liked and perfume, lipstick,etc. Just do what you can for now that can affirm you.

[VickySGV]

@Rebeccaa73I am on the other end of the Transition thing since I am 11 years into life here and if not wisdom, I do at least have perspective on what did work.  The Profile pic is me from last September and my posts here go back to June 2011 so be aware that the future will calm you down and give you a whole heap of self assurance that you are YOU

[LusciousTheLock]

It doesn't stop it, but find that one little thing that tells you you are right and turns your mind towards the right direction. I have a body that makes me cringe upon sight, but just by putting on a bit of eye makeup feminises my face just enough that I can see the real me poking through and I can say "There's the real me, it isn't a lie".

[Jodie]

Dysphoria is definitely no fun, its interesting to see how other people deal with it although I have no specific strategies myself.