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Missing an old friend

rainflower

By rainflower,
in Male to Female (MtF) Discussions

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rainflower Titanium Member

rainflower

Posted
Posted

Early in my transition I grieved a bit over the loss of my old self. I had another episode of that today. Not that I am missing those parts of me or wanting to return, I definitely don't want that. It's kind of like missing an old friend that you will never get to see again. That person did have positive qualities, was well liked, and helped to get me to where I am today. This is in contrast to previously hating my old self, being mean to my old self, trying to erase that person from my existence. I decided to quit that and make peace with my past, that has helped me move on, and I really do see my previous self as a completely different person that was worthy of love and respect too.

Has anyone else had feelings like this? 

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Jackie C. Palladium Member

Jackie C.

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Posted

It didn't really work that way for me. Most of "old me" was a façade that dropped away pretty quickly when I started to transition. I mean, I'm still myself. I'm just a me that isn't pretending to be "him" anymore. Also, my disposition has improved pretty dramatically.

 

I guess what I'm staying is that as I transitioned, I kept the good parts. The "old me" never really existed as more than a character I was playing. I think it's telling that all of the parts of my IFS my therapist and I have discovered are all women. My therapist is a cis-women and that's not even true for her.

 

Hugs!

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LusciousTheLock Beryllium Member

LusciousTheLock

Posted
Posted

On my first appointment with a counsellor, I was emotional about admitting my true feelings and how I felt. I spoke about wanting to have a magic lamp and wish I could create two of me. One where I could be myself and transition, and then another left for my family and friends. James was a great guy. What I've learned, is that I'm still here, just evolved :)

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rainflower Titanium Member

rainflower

Posted
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Yeah that is pretty much how I feels about it too, the only difference is I didn't have the feeling of wanting there to be two of me, I don't want people to know me as that person.

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Charlize Rhodium Member

Charlize

Posted
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Somehow what was once 2 became 1.  I'm just me now, a multifaceted person.  Nothing to miss, just more to accept and learn to love.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
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1 hour ago, Charlize said:

Somehow what was once 2 became 1.  I'm just me now, a multifaceted person.  Nothing to miss, just more to accept and learn to love.

This is me too.  Moving forward every day. 

 

Jani

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