Bullying makes me think I'm trans? (MTF)

[Natalie99]

Hi all,

 

I am asking for your help and about your opinion. I am not sure if I am trans (MTF).

The story:

When I first went to school, I was bullied for being skinny. They told me that I was a girl because girls are that skinny. I was often mocked in PE, that I throwed balls like a girl. It hurt me.

 

I am not sure if I hated how they bullied me for being girly, or the thought that I could be a girl.

 

Can it happen, that because of bullying I feel that I am a girl? Or it just hurts because they were mean, and it is hard for me to accept that I am a girl?

 

Thank you for your time, and sorry if it confusing to read, I am confused too.

[Natalie99]

Also, I wish I was a girl, but I've been thinking about the past and the bullying, and I question if that can cause questioning my identity...

[Heather Shay]

@Natalie99 I don't believe being bullied or being told you are girly makes you trans. It's what's in your heart. Questioning is a good thing. In this day and age it is so hard for younger people like you. If you think you might be trans it would be good to see if there are resources and possibly a good therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ to help you sort your feelings and asking here on Transpulse Forum is excellent. There are many here who can relate to your situation and are similar in age who can share their thoughts and experiences. 

[Heather Shay]

PS - I don't think being bullied can cause transgenderism - it's a medical condition. Bullying can cause more internal questioning but it - in and of itself doesn't cause you to be transgender. It's something you know or learn about yourself.

[Natalie99]

Thank you for your answer, Shay. You helped me. Yeah, it is not realistic that bullying could cause this.

And I thought that I was mocked because I had a feminine style, gestures as a "boy", and they couldn't understand why.

I am looking for a gender therapist, but it is not an easy process.

And I am really glad that I can post here. It is a really frienly community

[DeeDee]

Hi @Natalie99 I agree that bullying does not cause someone to become transgender. I was bullied at school too and believe it is just far more likely to be subconscious cues that we send out that make us easy prey for others. I did not start questioning until far later in life. Getting yourself someone to talk to about your feelings will help a lot.

 

[Natalie99]

I'm sorry to hear that you were bullied too. You're so right about subconscious cues. Thank you!

[KathyLauren]

Bullying does not cause someone to be transgender.  But bullies looking for victims will pick up on the fact that someone is a little bit different long before the person themself is aware of it.  So being bullied is often the first clue that people have that they are different from others.  (Don't ask me how I know! ? )

[Shawnster]

I'm truly sorry you were bullied! Kids can be such -censored-!?!?!? I think most of us here were bullied for not being "normal"... But I agree with DeeDee.... Being softer than other boys doesn't make you transgender.... I think you should seek out a theropyst, and express your concerns... We are no way an elite group... but once you choose this path, things don't automatically get easier...

It's cost some of us our spouses and family, also friends...I'm not in anyway trying to discourage you.... But this decision is not made lightly! I'm 50yrs old, and just accepting who I truly am. I wish you the best of luck! nomatter what direction you decide to travel!!! you will always have friends here that will support you!!!

 

Luv&Hugs, Shawn

[Natalie99]

@KathyLauren Every cloud has a silver lining. If you were bullied, it can indicate that you are different in some ways. Bullying is bad, but in a puzzled way it can help us understand ourselves better.

 

@Shawnster Thank you for showing the whole picture.

 

Wish you luck too! Hugs ?

[rainflower]

I was bullied too, I was really skinny (underweight mostly) and generally weak, and autistic. So I had lots to pick on, a lot of it was violent and involved physical abuse, even in front of teachers. I even had to change schools after 1st grade. 

As others have already pointed out, I don't think being bullied lead to you feeling trans. You already said it, you wish you were a girl, that is a pretty good sign and I doubt it is related to bullying. Your thoughts and feelings now, regardless of what happened in the past, is what matters.

[Natalie99]

I am sorry to hear that you were bullied, but I'm proud of you that you can face all of this.

Yes, I am starting to see that the whole thing was not the cause of my feelings about being trans. Thank you!