Name the TOP thing you would advise someone questioning their gender

[Heather Shay]

For me - it is SUPPORT. I found that when I sought support here on TP - it became much easier to see I was not alone and that there were others just like me out there and being support has made all the difference in the world. Does it change your questioning - no - but it does help you gain control of yourself and seek the truth about yourself in a comforting surrounding

[Sally Stone]

Take the time to explore your feelings and don't jump to conclusions.  How we feel about ourselves is too often tempered with how we are getting along or being treated by the rest of the world.  How we are received and who we really are two entirely different things and to be true to yourself, you have to listen to your heart and your own voices, not someone else.

[Jackie C.]

Accept yourself. No matter what you think or what you've been told, you're OK. You're normal. You're a complete person worthy of love.

 

Hugs!

[Delcina B]

Thank you all! The support, experiences & advice found on TP have been so helpful. Looking at me & how my femme plays & has played a big part in my life. Trying to drown out the cis only view & hardline stance of what I am born as is who I am & anything else is sin drilled in since birth is hard, but the more I reflect on me & explore my femininity the more comfortable & happy I feel.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Gabriel]

Confusion and self-doubt are completely normal and don't make you any less whatever-you-are.

Exploring and taking baby steps will give you the clarity you need.

[MirandaB]

Always recommend reading The Null Hypothecis

[LusciousTheLock]

If the same idea / feelings keep popping up. Don't ignore it. Explore it.

[Janae]

 

20 hours ago, Shay said:

For me - it is SUPPORT. I found that when I sought support here on TP - it became much easier to see I was not alone and that there were others just like me out there and being support has made all the difference in the world. Does it change your questioning - no - but it does help you gain control of yourself and seek the truth about yourself in a comforting surrounding

I 100% agree. It can be very lonely at times, and having a place I can go to, like TP, really helps.  It is so important that everyone know they are not alone, and they should not feel ashamed with the feelings they have.  I probably really need to post more, as I find it helps with the dysphoria. 

 

[VickySGV]

DO NOT BE ASHAMED that you are questioning your gender!!

 

If you are questioning your gender you are in some part of a very wide range of Gender Expression, you are not cis gender.  Take it as an adventure that can be as exciting, happy, and fun along with some short lived stuff that is not fun and is painful at times. You want to become the BEST YOU that you possibly can be.  That is your goal through therapy and the friendship of other Trans people.

[Sally Stone]

2 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Take it as an adventure

Oh Vicky, you are so very right.  Being trans is an adventure and like all adventures there are going to very memorable moments and occasionally, a terrifying moment along the way.  My adventure has been a wonderful experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.  It has made me stronger, smarter and surprisingly, it has bolstered my self confidence tremendously.

[DeeDee]

Find someone non judgemental to talk to. 

I spent months stuck inside my own head and that moment of relief when I finally told another human being out loud what I had been doing and thinking on and off my whole life was like opening a bottle of fizzy juice that someone had shaken, everything came gushing out and the relief to ease some of that pressure was amazing - even if it was like opening Pandoras box.?‍♀️

 

[Charlize]

I found it helpful to look at my past.  How many purges?  When i began to accept my past exploration i was able to see my gender issues were not going away.  There is a boardwalk game called wack-a-mole.  You use a little hammer to smack down heads that keep popping up. Those little heads were like my issues.  Instead  of walking i can find the strength to enjoy what is.  Being here with others who understand makes that so much easier.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

3 hours ago, DeeDee said:

I spent months stuck inside my own head and that moment of relief when I finally told another human being out loud

Yes this is so important to making it "real" and finally being able to act on it.  

 

3 hours ago, Charlize said:

I found it helpful to look at my past.  How many purges?  When i began to accept my past exploration i was able to see my gender issues were not going away.

OH this is so true.  I started saying it would go away when I was a teen.  It never did.  I embraced it instead and my life has been so much better.  

 

8 hours ago, Gabriel said:

Confusion and self-doubt are completely normal

True, we all question things in life.  This is just one more.   

[Heather Shay]

I am thankful for the wide range of responses so far - I hope many of other brothers and sisters and anywhere in-between read and learn from the wise participants who've contributed so far. I am comforted and realize I am learning more and more from those here at TP.

[Bri2020]

Find a gender specializing therapist to work through the discovery process.  No matter what, you are going to dig up some -crap- in your psyche going through the process so best have someone there to help you work it all out from the get go. 

[Amber76]

On 3/19/2021 at 9:21 AM, Heather Shay said:

I am thankful for the wide range of responses so far - I hope many of other brothers and sisters and anywhere in-between read and learn from the wise participants who've contributed so far. I am comforted and realize I am learning more and more from those here at TP.

I am thankful too. Reading your words of acceptance brought tears to my eyes. I've been so lonely lately and I am grateful I found this site, and have read these stories

[Sol]

Huh.

This is super helpful, thanks guys!

I've got some advice too! Try stuff out. Try those different labels, wear that dress, cut your hair. Start with things like putting on makeup, or changing your glasses. Tell the barista that name you want to go by. The process isn't linear, and there'll be stuff that makes you uncomfortable and there'll be stuff that makes you want to jump for joy. 

Anxiety and nervousness is totally normal, but you can't let that control you. Stretch your limits and try what fits. You'll get a good idea of what works and what doesn't. And it can be easier to find out what you don't like than what you do. Make a list and cross out the options if you want.

For example; I know I'm not bigender. It doesn't really fit right for me, and that's okay. Female? Nope. Not that either. Nonbinary? Hmm... maybe. Man or boy? Hey, that sounds pretty nice! Go through it and think about it for a while. 

And remember that what you already like and enjoy doesn't invalidate your identity, whatever that may be. I like pretty dresses, and sometimes I like to dress up nice. Does that make me any less of a boy or man if I identify that way? No! No, it doesn't! Nothing is an absolute when it comes to gender.

For me, there are pretty men, there are men who wear dresses, there are men who like the color pink. There are women who wear flannel button ups and no bra. There are women who bench I-beams in their spare time. There are nonbinary people that like to wear suits and formal ballgowns. There are nonbinary people who wear makeup and grow beards. 

Okay, this is getting long, but don't be afraid to try stuff out! Don't let those insecurities or anxieties stop you, because in the end, they're just blocks in the river of self expression. And remember, have fun and laugh along the way!