Hello All! Happy to Be Here.

[Vi_013]

 

My chosen name is a bit up in the air right now. Currently I go by Vi/Vinn with my friends. I have recently realized that I am transgender (FtM). My pronouns are he/him or they/them

 

I did not mean to rant so much, sorry about the long read. 

 

A TW that I will briefly be mentioning an ED as well as transphobia/homophobia

 

Growing up I think I always knew bc I was very much a "tomboy" I was always interested in traditionally masculine things I just didn't know that there was a word for how I felt. Honestly the more I look back at my childhood without judging myself the more "Oh, DUH." Realizations that I get. For example; I used to cry when my mom would force me into dresses and for the longest time I had no idea why I felt like crawling out of my skin when she made me leave the house like that.

 

I used to think that I just hated my body because I wasn't fit or skinny enough. Which led to an eating disorder that I am still trying to overcome. I'm 19 and have been away from my very bigoted and abusive mother for 2 years now. Within that time I was finally able to begin healing from the trauma she inflicted upon me. I have recently begun my path of self acceptance. I finally understand now that I don't "hate" my body, I simply don't feel comfortable in the one I was given. 

 

I am both overjoyed and terrified to have come to this realization. I am so so happy to feel even a little more at peace with myself. I love that I can now begin doing things that validate my feelings like buying men's clothes, a binder etc. But I am also extremely scared of the consequences. I live in the bible belt and I hear of trans people being killed pretty regularly. Denied health care by doctors. Of trans people being victims of violent hate crimes. Loosing jobs family/friends etc. I have had a binder for a few weeks now and I've still been to scared to wear it outside. On top of this I don't think I will ever be able to tell my family (and some of my friends) which saddens me. I feel so conflicted about things right now. However, I am happy to have found a community where I can feel comfortable being myself. Thank you for reading.

[Confused1]

Hi @Vi_013

 

Welcome to TransPulse. Although I am AMAB, I understand the not feeling comfortable in "the one I was given." I believe you will find you are not alone here. It seems as if we live in the same state and have similar concerns. Especially with the new laws that were just passed.

 

I am much older and my family knows. It took awhile for my wife, but I have not lost any family or friends. Sometimes the fear is worse than reality, sometimes not. You will find support here.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Jackie C.]

Welcome Vinn! Vinn sounds better for a dude in my ear, but that could just be my life-long love affair with the works of Vincent Price talking.

 

I'm glad to hear you're healing. I've got an abusive parent too, but it took me a lot longer to figure out. ? On the plus side, like you, I'm healing too. 

 

So yeah, on the plus side, FtM's are much lower priority targets for the hate crimes. You don't challenge masculinity the way MtFs do. Testosterone is a hell of a drug, you'll just be a short dude before you know it. I'm making an assumption there, I know cis-women that are taller than me, but the number one complaint I hear from transmen is that they be shorter than they'd like. Of course I'd like to be smaller but there's no way to trade.

 

So yeah, again, welcome to the party! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

[Vi_013]

11 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Welcome Vinn! Vinn sounds better for a dude in my ear, but that could just be my life-long love affair with the works of Vincent Price talking.

 

I'm glad to hear you're healing. I've got an abusive parent too, but it took me a lot longer to figure out. ? On the plus side, like you, I'm healing too. 

 

So yeah, on the plus side, FtM's are much lower priority targets for the hate crimes. You don't challenge masculinity the way MtFs do. Testosterone is a hell of a drug, you'll just be a short dude before you know it. I'm making an assumption there, I know cis-women that are taller than me, but the number one complaint I hear from transmen is that they be shorter than they'd like. Of course I'd like to be smaller but there's no way to trade.

 

So yeah, again, welcome to the party! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

Thanks for the welcome! I'm only 5'8. my little sister is taller than me so I'm used to it haha. 

[Vi_013]

11 hours ago, Confused1 said:

Hi @Vi_013

 

Welcome to TransPulse. Although I am AMAB, I understand the not feeling comfortable in "the one I was given." I believe you will find you are not alone here. It seems as if we live in the same state and have similar concerns. Especially with the new laws that were just passed.

 

I am much older and my family knows. It took awhile for my wife, but I have not lost any family or friends. Sometimes the fear is worse than reality, sometimes not. You will find support here.

 

Hugs,

Mike

Yeah the recent laws have scared me quite a bit.. It is great to hear that you were able to come out to family and friends. living in the same state as I do, it does give me a bit of hope. 

[Delcina B]

Welcome Vinn! Acceptance is so powerful! I spent so many years denying & rejecting how I felt inside.

 

Hugs,

Delcina

[Vanessa Michelle]

Hey @Vi_013and welcome to the group! I’m glad you’re here! Thanks for sharing your story with us. I can definitely understand your feelings of yay?, but oh God ? regarding accepting yourself as transgender. I’m still a bit there myself. Also the fear or concern about presenting in public. Currently I present fully male, but hey, my toenails are painted ?? and that helps me feel validated to myself. I appreciate your openness and vulnerability sharing your story. I hope you feel welcome and at home here brother. ❤️

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Vinn,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[BrandiBri]

Hi Vinn, welcome to the forums. here you will find answers to any questions you may have. This is a very supportive group of people.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

She, her, hers

[Ivy]

Welcome Vinn.

[Gabriel]

Hi Vi/Vinn. Sounds like you've already done a healthy amount of self work. I can relate to the relief of understanding what's happening, the joy of finding a truthful big piece of who you are while being terrified of what that will mean. Deep breaths and small steps will take you far. Congrats on your self acceptance, that's huge. And welcome to the forums  

[KayC]

Hi Vinn!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!
 

On 3/27/2021 at 8:05 PM, Vi_013 said:

I am both overjoyed and terrified to have come to this realization. I am so so happy to feel even a little more at peace with myself.

Self-realization and Self-acceptance are two of the biggest obstacles to overcome and it seems you have done both.  Congratulations❣️

I face similar fears about progressing socially as you do, and I am much (MUCH) older.  But you have youth and time on your side.  Its not an easy journey for any of us .. but one worth making if we are going to be happy.

Deep breaths ... one step at a time