So this is what being happy feels like.

[Red_Lauren.]

I will admit I've had major depression since I was a teen, and probably my whole life now that I look back. The signs where there. I didn't want to talk to people, I loved to be alone, my hobbies never brought me joy, and thought no one wanted me around. 

 

That has all changed since I started hormones, taken my own life in my hands, come out to friends. I actually want to be around people now, and talk to them. I want to go enjoy my hobbies again once summer comes, and as I have came out. I'm finding more people cared about me then I thought. 

 

I have been watching a lot of old top gear, and their new show the grand tour lately. Which I always enjoyed before, but I never really laughed. Now It seems like I laugh at their stupid gags, or reactions to eachother, and its just not that show that makes me laugh. Everything I find funny make me laugh now. If this is happiness. I'm glad I have discovered it. 

[Ann W]

I was explaining to a friend yesterday that I'm doing this because I've never loved myself like this before...I didn't know one could...so I can't go back.  My fear is strong, but my happiness is stronger.

☀

[Red_Lauren.]

Yea, its good being happy. I know at some point it will crash, but I don't think I will be as bad as before. 

[AmberM]

 

I too have noticed a change since starting hormones and coming out to friends and family that have responded. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I am 100% better yet, but I think that is because I am not living as the authentic me yet full-time. The closer I get to living full-time, the more my happiness is increasing. I wonder how much of my depression had to do with my gender identity, at least since post-ECT. I am finding joy and there is even hope that things will get better, which a few months ago I would have considered impossible. I agree that I know it will drop again, but I am also hoping that my mood won’t tank as hard as it did prior to coming out.

 

[Red_Lauren.]

Yea, getting to be full time. Has really helped with my happiness. Even two months ago, and I was still a male. I was never happy. 

[LusciousTheLock]

I have wobbles, but what has really helped my depression is the ability to be honest about myself. Its not the transition, its more that I'm not wearing a mask peeping through the eye holes anymore. Everyone knows I'm trans, and the fear of "Acting odd" or giving the game away no longer matters. Friends, family and colleagues just accept me as Tamsyn. Woman or not, I'm being myself.

[Charlize]

Hiding in the closet, filled with fear and shame had a huge effect on me.  It was hardvto feel joy when i had "terrible" secrets.

I can, as Luscious says, act odd now.  My secrets are all on the outside now and there is room for happy inside.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize