Would you do anything differently?

[Kelli321]

Once you  made the decision that it was time to become who you were meant to be, is there anything you would have done differently? Basic mistakes you made along the way that you would change? I understand the basics of the process; counseling, doctors, coming out at some point, but if I can avoid some of the pitfalls that may have caused others unnecessary grief along the way I would be grateful to hear about that. I know it won’t be easy and I know every path is a little different, I just don’t want my journey to be any harder than it’s already going to be if I can help it. I’m scared as all get out but I am wide open to any advice or tips from your own experience you can offer.
Thank you my friends. 

[KathyLauren]

About the only thing I would change is that I would have done it a lot earlier.  I wish I had come out when my parents were alive so that they could know the real me.  And I wish I would have had more years being my true self. 

 

But as far as the mechanics of how I transitioned are concerned, it all went pretty well.  I might not have gone for GCS if I had known how long my recovery would take, but that was unusual and not predictable.

[rainflower]

I would have talked to people about it more before I did it, just to help them prepare more. I literally just showed up to work as a woman, no one had any idea. It all worked out fine, but I could have worked with others a little more on it. It's just that I had waited so long and was so eager to do it when I finally was able to make the decision.

 

There are a lot of Facebook groups that I would have just avoided, many of them are toxic and give bad advice for HRT. I'm currently not a member of any.

 

I would have been more patient and not compared my results and progress to others - this is a dangerous game to play.

[Heather A]

Honestly from where I sit now I can't think of anything I would change.  I still feel I did it right for me at the time when I came out to my wife first then therapy.  A small part of me wishes I would have came to this decision earlier, but coming out now is still a lot easier than it would have been for me at the time so I can't really fault myself for that.  I can't go back and change time so I just need live with the decisions I made and move forward. 

 

I'm more financially secure now than I was even 5 years ago.  Plus I still have years left to enjoy my life since I'm still in my 40's.  So I have years to adjust to my new better life and live to be the best possible me going forward.

[rainflower]

3 hours ago, Heather A said:

Honestly from where I sit now I can't think of anything I would change.  I still feel I did it right for me at the time when I came out to my wife first then therapy.  A small part of me wishes I would have came to this decision earlier, but coming out now is still a lot easier than it would have been for me at the time so I can't really fault myself for that.  I can't go back and change time so I just need live with the decisions I made and move forward. 

 

I'm more financially secure now than I was even 5 years ago.  Plus I still have years left to enjoy my life since I'm still in my 40's.  So I have years to adjust to my new better life and live to be the best possible me going forward.

Hello Minnesota neighbor  I'm right by Northwestern Minnesota. Anyway, I like your positive outlook. 

[LusciousTheLock]

I wish I had come out when I was around 12. It wasn't possible with my upbringing, but certainly should have taken another look at 16, but even my counsellor tells me "You wasn't ready. The time wasn't right" But since the realisation, the acceptance, it still took me three years to come out. Seemingly for no reason it seems. Everyone has been great. I should have got a GP sorted out sooner. Get it off your chest as soon as possible.  The feeling is fantastic.

[Maid In Bedlam]

On 4/3/2021 at 10:53 PM, KathyLauren said:

About the only thing I would change is that I would have done it a lot earlier.

 

 

14 hours ago, LusciousTheLock said:

 It wasn't possible with my upbringing,

 

 

Ditto.

 

Coming out a lot earlier instead of hiding in the shadows best part of 40 years would have saved a lot of heartache and sadness. I suppose my real opotunity was missed When i went to the doctors I should have declared it back then instead of beliveing it was something deeply wrong with me. The media didnt help either. At the time people like us were mocked and ridiculed in the press. You think its a scary thought now. You go back to the 80s. My parents I expect would have been ok but the surroundings. That was a diffrent matter. But hindsight is a wonderful thing. However if i had come out in my teens would i be the person I am now? Its all life experiance I suppose and i wouldnt be the same. But then again Maybe I would be a better person and not have to carry a lot of emotional baggage that i do now. On the flip side if i had been out and on the transition highway in my teens who knows what i would be now? Lets find that alternate universe and have a look!

 

But to change the way it all went in my transition? The only thing would have really liked to change and this doesnt just go for a transition is i would have kept myself a lot fitter than i was when i started.  Much more cardio would have been my goal. As for the actual transition. I have really had to work on this the last 5 years.To get a decent fittness level. I would have expected my recovery time would have been greatly improved if i had done. But I think it all went pretty well.  I have no complaints. You could argue the time it took to get where I am. But your body transformation will go at its own pace. The old story of going to bed wishing and waking up with your wish come true im afraid is really in the realms of the fairytales.

 

But I love life now. Its not perfect. But then that mainly stems from the potential mistakes i made in the past. I could have loved this life sooner.. This would be the one thing i would/could have changed by doing it much earlier Which looking back could have been but then i go around in a big circle and back if i had would i be the person i am now?

 

 

 

 

[Kelli321]

I’m getting closer the more I’m exposed to you all, the writing is on the wall.
Though I had a conversation with my wife about someone who came out their spouse and a divorce happened. She totally blamed the person coming out as trans for lying to their spouse, I argued that if you’ve been hiding for a plethora of reasons, most of them significantly fear based there really isn’t fault to be assigned, they finally just broke down from the pressure and Had to finally come out and finally be who they were meant to be. My wife wasn’t having it, she felt like the person coming out totally betrayed her spouse... that definitely didn’t help my confidence... but hearing about your journeys and the joy you’ve  found gives me hope. It breaks my heart knowing what this will do when it happens, it will happen at some point hopefully sooner rather than later, but one of my main character flaws has been always putting others needs ahead of my own even to my own detriment. I’m praying the counselor will help me find the courage and strength to stand up for me. I’ve always told others that in order to look out for number 2 you have to take care of number 1. Right now it’s way easier said than done.

[rainflower]

7 hours ago, Kelli321 said:

I’m getting closer the more I’m exposed to you all, the writing is on the wall.
Though I had a conversation with my wife about someone who came out their spouse and a divorce happened. She totally blamed the person coming out as trans for lying to their spouse, I argued that if you’ve been hiding for a plethora of reasons, most of them significantly fear based there really isn’t fault to be assigned, they finally just broke down from the pressure and Had to finally come out and finally be who they were meant to be. My wife wasn’t having it, she felt like the person coming out totally betrayed her spouse... that definitely didn’t help my confidence... but hearing about your journeys and the joy you’ve  found gives me hope. It breaks my heart knowing what this will do when it happens, it will happen at some point hopefully sooner rather than later, but one of my main character flaws has been always putting others needs ahead of my own even to my own detriment. I’m praying the counselor will help me find the courage and strength to stand up for me. I’ve always told others that in order to look out for number 2 you have to take care of number 1. Right now it’s way easier said than done.

I was, and still am to some degree, the same way with taking care of others before myself. You can do anything, even decieve yourself, in the name of compassion and altruism. I'm sorry she feels that way, but it seems a common viewpoint. I hope it works out for you.

[Kelli321]

I’m just grateful for the support. I finally feel like I belong somewhere... I’ve always felt like a misfit .... with a the positive reinforcement here I’m feeling like I can do what I’ve only dreamed of!