Trying to Understand

[Gray]

Hello! My name is Gray. I came out as non-binary 5 years ago and for the past year have been questioning my identity again. I'm just trying to understand myself and find it hard with no one to talk to. I'm hoping to make some friends here to help me understand myself and this beautiful community and where I fit in to all of it, you know?

[Jackie C.]

Hello @Gray and welcome to Transpulse! Lovely to meet you! We're glad you're here!

 

Hugs!

[Gray]

@Jackie C.Awe thanks so much! ❤️

[Confused1]

Hi Gray,

 

Welcome to Transpulse. Many of us are somewhat isolated by location, but you will find support here. Join in on the conversations so we can get to know each other better. I am also non-binary.

 

Hugs,

Mike

[Delcina B]

Welcome Gray! I think you'll find loving support & a place where you fit in here.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Elizabeth Star]

Hi @Gray. Nice to meet you.

[Astrid]

Welcome, @Gray!  I identify as non-binary but am now in my 17th month of HRT, so I'm just another example that gender identities come in all flavors.  We're here to talk, commiserate, and support each other.

 

Best,

 

Astrid

[Susan R]

5 hours ago, Gray said:

I'm just trying to understand myself

Hello @Gray, it’s a pleasure to meet you.

 

Many of us are doing the same. It’s sometimes a long process to understand just who and what we are. It can take even longer to accept the final conclusion. We are here to help any way we can. No pressure but if your up to it, consider sharing a little more about how you got to where you are now. Maybe others will have some insight that rings true for you.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Davie]

I relate to much of this. "I'm afraid to move forward, and afraid not to."  I relate to this. I'm also afraid to do nothing. I'm in a sad and lonely place, but I feel happier when I'm here. I accept myself better without knowing who that is.  Questioning is confusing. Non-binary feels like a step forward, but how do I get used to feeling happier? Thanks for letting me mumble while I consider myself.
Yours, Davie 

[Ivy]

Welcome Gray

[Gray]

Thank you everyone for replying and being so kind! 

 

I don't mind sharing more at all.

I was 19 when I came out to my partner as non-binary. I felt like being a girl just didn't fit. My mom forced her ideas of what a girl should be like on me from the get go. She dressed me her way until I was around 13-14. After that, I began to experience what I think was gender dysphoria. I started dressing in baggy clothes to hide my body, I tried acting like a boy, soon, I started wanting to be a boy. 

 

 When I was younger, I had no clue what it meant to be non-binary or trans. I thought it was a bad thing cause my parents talked about how Cher lost her "beautiful baby girl" and got Chaz instead and how sad that was. What my parents said always echoed in my mind. When I realized I was non-binary, it took me a couple of years to come out to them, but when I did, they didn't understand and said they were confused by it and would stick to she/her pronouns cause that's what they're used to. Regardless of what they said, I soon came out to my work colleagues and now where a little pin with they/them on it. I felt euphoric.

 

Fast forward to now, and now I'm just confused and scared. Am I a boy? I'm definitely not cis. But non-binary doesn't seem to fit anymore. 

 

As you all can tell, I'm very confused. Thank you for letting me chat about my experiences.

hugs!

 

 

 

[KayC]

Hi @Gray!  nice to meet you, and Welcome!
You've found a great place to meet your goal of "understanding" yourself and meeting others.  I've been here for about a year (Wow! already a year?) and this Forum and all the great Members (and Therapy) helped me move from Questioning to Self-Acceptance as Transfeminine.

Its a different journey and destination for everybody but I am confident your will find your way ...

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Rianon]

Hello, Kay. Others, too. I'm new to Pulse, but not new in most other ways. (I can only wish!) I'm 76 and have juggled identity labels all of my life. When I joined Pulse I saw "transfeminine" for the first time. I thought, Mmm, maybe that's me? But of course, I'm not sure. Over the years at one timeor another I've 'em all, beginning with questioning, gay (when I was a teen), eventually moving on to all-American CD (when I was in the service––very carefully, of course!), non-op transsexual, non-op transgender person, and now (maybe) transfeminine person. As I am non-op (and, at the moment, plan to remain so), does transfeminine seem like the right identity label for a person like me? (I don't particularly care for the word "label," but I see I've used it; I'll let it remain for now.) I'd welcome anyone's thoughts on this. Thanks much! Cheers all around! ––Riannon

[Jackie C.]

2 hours ago, Riannon said:

Hello, Kay. Others, too. I'm new to Pulse, but not new in most other ways. (I can only wish!) I'm 76 and have juggled identity labels all of my life. When I joined Pulse I saw "transfeminine" for the first time. I thought, Mmm, maybe that's me? But of course, I'm not sure. Over the years at one timeor another I've 'em all, beginning with questioning, gay (when I was a teen), eventually moving on to all-American CD (when I was in the service––very carefully, of course!), non-op transsexual, non-op transgender person, and now (maybe) transfeminine person. As I am non-op (and, at the moment, plan to remain so), does transfeminine seem like the right identity label for a person like me? (I don't particularly care for the word "label," but I see I've used it; I'll let it remain for now.) I'd welcome anyone's thoughts on this. Thanks much! Cheers all around! ––Riannon

 

Identify however you like. First word of advice is always, "Don't get hung up on labels." I've seen too many members go 'round in circles looking for the exact combination of syllables that define them. Humans aren't like that and English is, frankly, a terrible language that has somehow been inflicted on the rest of the world instead of something more sensible. It's imprecise, the rules are inconsistent and there are LOTS of things it doesn't have proper words for. The only thing I really like about it is that it doesn't feel the need to gender everything.

I have a personal loathing for gendered tongues. I mean who does that?

 

Hugs!