Sudden dysphoria?

[leongreen]

I am a 17 years old afab (assigned female at birth) and I had never experienced physical dysphoria up until a few months ago. Suddenly, of what felt like over a night, my body looked wrong, my voice sounded wrong, my long hair that I had insisted on growing out didn't fit me anymore. 

 

The thing is that I was a very masculine kid and I was very non-conforming in the sense that I enjoyed doing and wearing whatever I wanted, regardless if it fit the expectations of my assigned gender or not. Recently I've been looking into every detail of my childhood to try to find something that could have been a sign, like that I hated my voice ect).

And the thing is that only a couple of months ago I was wearing dresses and makeup and hair clips in my long hair and I felt totally content and confident, or so I think, I'm not really sure if I just enjoyed the male attention I got for being conventionally feminine.

 

Anyway all this to say, I got hit with sudden gender dysphoria, and I have since cut my hair and started to dress a little more masculine and honestly it's been very relieving. But at the same time I have this nagging feeling that I'm making a mistake and it's just a phase I should ignore. Has anyone else experienced this?

 

I hope you're all doing well

[Susan R]

Welcome @leongreen, It’s a pleasure to meet you. It’s good to reach out with questions...especially gender related questions here. I personally can’t say I had this experience with sudden onset questioning of my gender. It’s something I always knew and had to deal with from the get go but I am sure there are others here who have had this happen to them. We all have such unique backgrounds and stories which make it nice to compare notes. I wonder if there was a recent trauma or trigger that brought this to the forefront. In my case, I was suppressing my GD the best I knew how but a few major triggers started the ball rolling to help me see I needed to complete my transition. Maybe something similarly related happened in your case too. It might be something to talk about with a close friend who you could trust as an ally. Maybe one or both of your parents even. I don’t know your family dynamics but if that was possible that would be another good place to start. They might help you with getting therapy to dig a little deeper into these questions you’re having regarding your Gender Identity.

 

I hope to read more of your journey as it develops. I think you’ve found a wonderful resource in this group so don’t be afraid to explore your feelings, emotions and ideas here. We are here to help!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Jani]

Greetings @leongreen and welcome.  It is not unusual to have feelings of doubt.  

3 hours ago, leongreen said:

...honestly it's been very relieving. But at the same time I have this nagging feeling that I'm making a mistake and it's just a phase I should ignore.

Particularly when you have made a change as you have.  As you are younger than I, it could be a phase but only you can say if this is so.  Remember you have time to mull this over before you decide to take further steps.  Take time to get comfortable with the "new" persona you are occupying.  Eventually you will determine if it fits or needs adjustment, just like a new shirt!  Also consider that you can evolve and still maintain certain attributes of your prior life that you find enjoyable or desirable to have.  There are no rules except the ones you make.  Do not confine yourself to a box.  The world is yours to live in! 

Please join in the conversation.  I know you will be comfortable with the group here. 

 

Cheers, Jani

[rainflower]

It's really interesting, our stories are similar. I am 20 years older than you, but when I was your age is when it really hit me as well. A lot of things just kind of came together at that age for me and I realized I wanted to be like a girl, even tho I didn't really think of it in those terms. I was doing things like shaving my body hair, finding an excuse to use a women's razor even to shave my face, etc. Before that age I had still hated my facial and body hair, my voice, how I looked, but I just didn't make the connection. I don't think I thought of it as a phase, more like something I was scared to pursue so I quit. I wish I would have stuck with it. Since you are young, you do have plenty of time to explore it and see what really fits for you.

[Ava87]

On 4/15/2021 at 8:49 AM, Mary Jane said:

for me yes and ive been really questioning since last school year but it keeps changing but also I settle on genders that feel right even if its a mix of things like the one right now which is trans tomboy. for labels i dont know what the right one is, it might keep changing forever. But i think i know my gender, overall its like pretty neutral but i know i prefer girl pronouns and the girl name ive chosen aka name on here but for everything else i dont know yet

Welcome to the forum and it’s ok it takes time to figure yourself out