Weird dysphoria due to beard shaving

[Beatriz]

I have lived for 30 years as a man with a beard. After I started questioning, I felt the urge to remove it. As you can imagine, feeling like a girl and seeing a man with a beard look back in the mirror was not great. So I shaved it. But now I feel even worse! I detest my shaved face. I thought it could be due to me stupidly fantasizing that I would shave my beard and a feminine enough face would appear. But no, it's just an ugly face. Even my girlfirend was shocked and could not look at me for one or two days. I am doubly depressed now: if my girfriend was so shocked, then it wasn't just me, and also I see no way on Earth that - if I transition - something could be done to this face to make it look remotely feminine. Has anyone gone through something like this?

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Beatriz.  Sorry to hear that you got a blast of dysphoria after shaving.  It is weird what will get you.

 

Have you started HRT yet?  It can make quite a difference to your face.  The changes are subtle - it moves fat around, not bones - but quite startling when you notice them.  My lips and eyes both changed significantly.

 

Another thing that will make a big change is facial hair removal, either by laser or by electrolysis.  Once you no longer have those little dark roots lurking in the follicles, and they close up, your beard shadow will be gone.

 

 

[Ivy]

I hid behind a chest length beard for years.   It was a shock when it was gone.  Sometimes I still reach to pull it out of the way.  The reactions were mixed, mostly positive.  

It was a major change, but so was coming out as a transwoman.  I still feel like I'm starting over in a lot of ways.

[Beatriz]

Thanks for the replies.

 

@KathyLauren: no, I haven't started HRT yet. Now I'm getting informed and knowing myself better, but seeing my face does not help at all. I wonder what would be the point of going further with this face of mine. I think my body could end up looking good enough, but the face...

 

I don't aspire to look hot, beautiful or anything, I just want to look like me, even if "me" is an ugly-ish woman for societal standards - I'd be totally OK with that. But right now I can't see how I could ever look remotely like a woman

[KathyLauren]

It may be hard to see now, but keep hoping.  You will likely be pleasantly surprised.  I'll never be beautiful, but if you had asked me five years ago, I would have said much the same as you.  But here I am:

[Beatriz]

Wow! You look great, @KathyLauren. Thanks a lot for posting that. It does give me hope. Big hug

[Red_Lauren.]

When I was a man. I never really hated my beard. I always had phases with it. I had mostly what I could grow from 15/16-22 on my face. From about 22-31. I always had a goatee. I went clean shaven for a couple of years. Then about 33 or so. I grew back a full beard. Then played with different styles for about a year. Had a goatee, and a mustache for a few months. I had long hair by that time, so I got called the dude a lot. Then shaved everything but the mustache, and realized I looked like a pedo after a week. Went clean shaven by 34, and on Wednesday I have my 5th laser treatment, and just started my 5th months of hormones on the 18th. 

 

I see the difference how I look now vs before, and that is only after a few months. You can't use my profile picture as a reference though. As that was taken about 2 months before hormones. If I remember before work. I'll take a current picture, and I'll post it here. Along with a few other photos. 

[Beatriz]

11 hours ago, Red_Lauren. said:

Then shaved everything but the mustache, and realized I looked like a pedo after a week.

This part made me spit my tea with laughter

 

Thanks a lot, @Red_Lauren. You look great in the profile pic. In my case, even just after shaving I still have a grey shade, and I have no clue about make-up, so it's not a nice sight. I'm planning to go to a make-up session to see what the hands of a professional could do with me, and learn a few tricks that I can use on my own later on.

[Red_Lauren.]

On 4/20/2021 at 6:56 AM, Beatriz said:

This part made me spit my tea with laughter

 

Thanks a lot, @Red_Lauren. You look great in the profile pic. In my case, even just after shaving I still have a grey shade, and I have no clue about make-up, so it's not a nice sight. I'm planning to go to a make-up session to see what the hands of a professional could do with me, and learn a few tricks that I can use on my own later on.

I did that a few times. It really helped before I really knew the ins and outs of make up. Accodring to the females in my life. Im doing ok now. 

[KayC]

@Beatriz I've had some type of facial most of my adult life.  I actually first grew it in college because I had been called "Ma'am" more than a few times and that freaked me out (now I would love to be called Ma'am).  When I finally shaved clean (not too long ago) it was very difficult to get used to (and for my wife and kids) .. but I did get used to it .. and now I see more of the feminine face of that college kid from many years ago (and I LIKE it!)

 

So, I would say give it time .. I am not on HRT yet but I know that will have additional softening of my features when the time comes.  @KathyLauren's before/after pic is a great example.  Thank you for sharing that Kathy! (and I think you are beautiful❣️)