Hi Im New And Don't Know What I Am

[Guest GA1]

Hello All. I've come over here from a refrence from someone at wrongplanet.net Who thinks I may be "genderqueer" (Not on here, neither was unsure so I choose not saying.)This was as I am a guy but am quite girly, so want girly friends(not neccasary females but those who are sterotypically girly)

this was my original post,

I am into activites often considered sterotypically girly. e.g dance,RomCom, Musical Theatre. I want to meet someone with shared interests. Hetro guys don't have these interests(or won't admit it). Girls just don't seem intreseted in these things. (Or probably think I'm up to something.) Curiously straight guys often think I'm gay but girls never do?! I thought that an openly gay friend woud be good as they wouldn't be bothered about being seen as into dance or whatever. I only ever knew one openly gay person and I didn't make firends, I thought about trying to find some more ppl but I'm not gay and so can't join a gay society.

Sometimes I think about trying to get a girlfriend just to have a friend but I don't like being touched and physical intamacy.

I really just want to meet people with the same intresets as me of any gender/orientation so I can try to make a friend

u should be able to read the thread here. http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf88040-0-15.html

someone described a typical girl friendship and that summed it up best really .

"girls don't get it when guys like to show off in front of other boys, friendly, someone to confide in, someone to give a hug to Wink, and just be abke to talk about anything really, honesty is the key fact if you see what i mean

and to be someone who the girl can pick up the phone to call or send a message to when she needs anything, girly friendships are different, you're there for each other no matter what, different than boy friendships, you can talk about anything or everything at any time"

That is pretty much me and want I want. I do think maybe I'm too excited about meeting someone that is not going to be a typical macho bloke and that unnerves them. I also hate when guys obssess over girls and feel uncomftabale when they keep asking me about how hot is so and so.

[Guest Donna Jean]

GA1............

Welcome to the Playground, Honey!

So nice to have you here...I'll get you some coco and a plate of Sally's cookies to get you comfy....OK?

Well, are you ever in the right place...!

Lots of us have gender confusion...and we don't necessarily fit behind a label!

So, here you can just be who you need to be without stress because we don't judge folks...to each their own!

It's good to have you, Hon....

Just relax and enjoy yourself....OK?

Lovely!

XXOO

Donna Jean

[Guest leo]

hi GA1 you have come to the right place

this is the right place when on the road of self discovery

make yourself comfy and look around

the ladies will be here to offer food soon

[Guest Christy.dancer]

Hello All. I've come over here from a refrence from someone at wrongplanet.net Who thinks I may be "genderqueer" (Not on here, neither was unsure so I choose not saying.)This was as I am a guy but am quite girly, so want girly friends(not neccasary females but those who are sterotypically girly)

Well, HEY! Hope you find it comfie and cuddly here. Do you have a name, by the way?

I'm not the hostess here, or even an expert on ANYTHING, but if I can help, just ask away!

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Laura's, GA1. How do you pronounce that, by the way?

A lot of folks on this site are exploring where they fit into the scheme of things, gender-wise. So don't worry if

you're confused and unsure.

The best thing is to explore the forums, ask questions, check out the resources, and most of all..

HAVE FUN and meet new friends.

Also, one of the best things you can do for yourself is find a good gender therapist who can help you explore your

mind and discover your true self, whatever that may be.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest GA1]

ohh, cookies lovely. Although I could see a label being usefull sometimes and wondered what folks thought I'd be closet to.

[Guest Jessica22450]

Welcome to the playground GA1! I hope you have a great time here.

[Guest NicolaiAE]

Welcome to the Playground, GA1!

Everyone is extremely friendly and will do their best at answering your questions.

Hope we can help you out.

Nicolai

[Guest Elizabeth K]

GAI

WELCOME WELCOME WELCOME

We usually ask a person to talk to a gender dysphoria therapist to get a diagnosis - or 'label' as you suggest. It isn't really good to tell you that you may be this or that, we really don't have the expertise here.

And you certainly will want to look around here and see all the diversity. We actually are 'gender' confused not 'sexually' confused, as it is two different things. You noted you were not homosexual, although being so is okay, so perhaps that would be a starting point with your therapist.

So many of us here share that same gender confusion because we don't seem to fit in - and we work hard at finding solutions and ways to be happy with ourselves as we are.

You may be younger, and if you are I suggest looking especially in the Teen Forum. There are some really smart people in there and they are really good at advice.

Glad to meet you. Stay with us ...

Lizzy

[Guest Ashlee]

Hello GA1,

The best way to find out about yourself is to ask lots of questions and tell us more about yourself.

We are here to help you. This is a place you can feel safe.

{HUGS}

Ashlee

[Sally]

Hey GA1,

Welcome to the forums, I left a batch of cookies in the oven this morning and I forgot to tell anyone about them, I see that Dee Jay found them in time.

We are a friendly group and we try to bring as much sunshine into the forums as possible and on a nice day I like to have picnics by that little stream near the edge of the playground.

In my mind this place is real it's the reat of the world that is virtual.

So glad to have you in the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Leigh]

Hello GA1,

welcome, welcome.

so you're feeling confused? been there.

i have to ask, are you only confused because you seem to have more stereotypically "girl" interests? or is there something else that's confusing you?

you aren't automatically gender-confused just because you like to do things that society might think is girly, and you aren't gay. don't let anyone try to put you in a box. you have to figure yourself out for yourself.

but if you have deeper confusion, let us know, we'll help you out as much as we are able.

best of luck,

see you around,

peace&love

leigh

[Guest Melanieshaman]

Welcome!

by the way, you could NOT have picked a better community to join. I haven't been here long either, but these folks are wonderful, warm, and very caring... again WELCOME!!!

[Guest Nikk]

Hey dude, welcome

Cheyah, labels.... They're not exactly necessary. You're doing kind of what I used to do: fit yourself into a box that doesn't have to exist. You can just be whatever you like without slamming a label on it, as long as you're being legal. Because legal is good.

That being said, if you like people only in the romantic and not sexual fashion, look up asexual, as that seems to be what you're looking for instead of genderqueer. But really, who needs labels anyway?

Just ask lots of questions and make yourself a niche.

~Nikk

[Guest GA1]

GA is just initals with a 1 added to up the numbers to keep registration happy

I'm not entirley following the gender/sexual confusion diffrence thing, can some one explain that?

I wish, no I'm not that young. However I didn't even know anybody who was gay till I was 18. I figured since, I didn't like guys I wasn't gay or bi, so must be straight.

I hadn't thought of all these other terms. I guess I could be asexual biromantic or something.

hmm. maybe it is a society thing. After all Tomboy's are well accepted,maybe I'm just a Tomgirl.My body doesn't feel wrong and I'm hapy with how I am, even if I don't have the confidence to be myself publicly. I do feel quite girly at times.

My biggest problem I guess is more of a mismatch between how I see myself and how everyone else does. After all a guy talking to a girl can only be after one thing. No I'm just glad to be able to let my feminine side out other guys won't let theirs out, so yeah I'm really glad to have this chat and been longing for one, but know I don't care for sex, I doubt you'd be as intresting conversationlist then. things might be diffrent if I had a good r/l friend.

Does anyone know where a listing of (UK) gender therapists would be.

who needs labels anyway?

Well I don't know what to say when people ask are you gay?

It would probably be easier to come out as x (even if just an approximation)rather than, well i'm not entirely sure I hae these feelings see....

I keep trying to come out and they tell me it is "worrying" that I'm talking about or know about girly things. It could be a good retort.

[Guest Eth]

Hi! Let me start by saying welcome to the site, since I'm late in welcoming you.

To answer some of your questions, there is definitely a distinct difference between gender identity and sexual orientation. They may be linked to some degree, but they are not the same, are not interchangeable and are not necessarily related to one another at all. Gender identity is how you perceive your own gender, whereas sexual orientation is who you are attracted to.

Gender identity is often completely ignored by society because they are generally close-minded and uneducated enough to believe that there is only male and female. The reality is that gender is a massive spectrum that extends everywhere between and even goes far beyond male and female. Nobody fits perfectly into any one "category" of gender, but they often take the label of that they most closely identify with. Some people (like yourself, it would seem) find themselves in "no man's land", where there really isn't a title anywhere nearby that they can identify with. This can be difficult for such people as, like you said, it is a lot easier to explain to society what you are when you have a name for it. Also, people like to be able to fit you into a little box, and when you have no box to give them, they often get confused very easily and very quickly. Unfortunately that's just how it is for right now. I suppose once you find where exactly you fit on the gender spectrum, you could always 'make up' a name and hope it catches on, but there's not a whole lot else that can be done, and you really shouldn't try to fit yourself into another category that really isn't you, just for the sake of having a title.

Here's a brief overview of several types of genders (this is incomplete as it's only as thorough as my own knowledge. I may be a little off in describing some of them and may even miss some genders entirely. for that I apologize). Please note that the first three on the list are not only genders, but physical/anatomical sexes, meaning that it can manifest physically. The entire list deals with gender, which is the internal sense of one's sex, whereas anatomical sex is purely physical. It is important to note the difference between physical anatomical sex, and mental gender identity.

Male

You should probably know this one. Males are generally masculine, though not necessarily "macho". There are many many different personalities and traits that can all fall under "male". This gender is generally accepted by society and has it's own roles and stigma attached to it, though nobody should be expected to adhere to what society thinks they should be doing. Their gender is their own business and they are no more or less "male" for not meeting social stereotypes. Cisgendered males and transgendered female-to-male transsexuals (and I use that term loosely) generally identify as "male".

Female

Another one you are probably familiar with. Generally seem as graceful and feminine by society, women are expected to be beautiful and serene, or even sexy. However, it is generally accepted for women to display more masculine tendancies, and while there are definitely social "norms" and roles for women to adhere to, it is widely accepted for women to steer away from those concepts and behave in a more 'boyish' manner, or to just simply do things in their own way. This does however depend on one's location and company, as some groups are more or less accepting depending upon their social upbringing. Cisgendered females and transgendered male-to-female transsexuals (again using 'transsexuals' loosely) generally identify as "female".

Intersex

Intersexed people are, unfortunately, commonly referred to as "hermaphrodites". Hermaphrodite refers to animals with this condition and thus is seen as offensive. Intersexed people are born with ambiguous, combined, indeterminable or two different sets of genitalia. It is an extremely rare condition (though not as rare as was once believed) and it was for a long time, and still is, seen as a 'disorder' that is usually surgically "corrected" long before the child has a say in the matter. This quite frequently causes problems for the child in the future, as the child may identify as the gender opposite from what they were surgically assigned at birth. There are many other horrific complications that can arise from doctors' unnecessary interventions. Intersexed individuals may identify as 'intersex', or they may identify as 'androgyne', 'neutrois', or any of the other gender titles that exist. They may also consider themselves "male" or "female" if they feel it is appropriate (if that is how they feel and identify). I don't believe that you can surgically become intersexed... at least not effectively. Medical science isn't quite at the point where we can actually construct a second set of "functioning" (for sex, reproduction or otherwise) genitalia without removing the original set in the process.

Androgyne

Andro - male, gyne - female. Androgynes feel that they are neither male nor female, but somewhere in between. Androgynous people generally display a mix of masculinity and femininity, usually in equal balance and harmony; but not always. Androgynes usually prefer to take an appearance that combines aspects of their male and female personalities, blending the two in a way that suits them. Androgynes usually have likes and dislikes that fit the stereotypes of both the male and female genders, which shows clearly that they are truly right in between male and female. Just about anyone can fit into the androgyne category to some extent.

Neutrois

Neutrois people are really 'void' of gender. They are not male, they are not female, and they are not a combination of the two. Neutrois don't really feel the need to fit into any gender role and thus they are pretty much "genderless". They may prefer to take an androgynous appearance, or they may simply not care. As far as I know, most simply don't want to have a look that distinguishes them as any specific gender, as they don't like to be labeled or shoved into a box with certain roles, ideals and other social constructs attached to it. They are simply people who do not feel they have a gender. Gender isn't really part of who they are, so they choose to omit it to keep from being seen by society as "one or the other".

Genderqueer

Genderqueers are, to my knowledge, more extreme/radical forms of androgynes (I may be completely wrong about this, though). Genderqueers generally see themselves as both male and female while really making no distinction between the two. They may want many defining characteristics from both the male and female genders at the same time, such as breasts and a full beard. Genderqueers are completely against the gender binary (the belief that there is only male and female) and express themselves in a very forward fashion.

I did not include 'crossdressers' on the list as I don't think that they are a gender as such. I believe that crossdressing is when you specifically dress as the opposite/other gender, while still identifying as another gender (like a male crossdressing as a female is still a male, but simply crossdressing). I'm not entirely sure how accurate this is, or if crossdressing should be considered a gender identity, but that is my current understanding of it and how it works.

So now you understand a bit more about gender identity and expression. As you can see, the above all relates to how one expresses their gender, and has little to do with one's sexuality. It should be noted that sexuality is almost (and in some cases is) completely separate from gender identity. Sexuality is also not all about sex, but can be split into two defining categories: sexual orientation and romantic orientation. Below I will explain the difference.

Sexual Orientation

This is the one that most people are familiar with. Sexual orientation refers to one's sexual attraction- for instance, a heterosexual male is attracted to females and would partake in sexual intercourse with them. Sexual orientation defines who you have a physical, sexual attraction to. It has to do specifically with sex. People may identify as heterosexual if they are interested in the opposite gender, homosexual if they are interested in the same gender, bisexual if they are interested in both male and female genders, trisexual if they are interested in both the male and female genders as well as one other (generally intersex/androgynes/people who blend male/female), or pansexual if they are interested in all genders (and there are many more on the list that I won't go into detail with here). There are also those who really are moreso "lacking" sexual orientation, who identify as asexual (someone who does not experience sexual attraction). There are also pomosexuals who shun the idea of labeling people based upon sexual orientation and who would prefer that their sexual orientation remain unlabeled.

Romantic Orientation

Romantic orientation is all about who you can be attracted to in a romantic sense. Romance and sex are not the same when you think about it, and cannot be used interchangeably. Even asexuals can have a romantic orientation, and likewise aromantics may have a sexual orientation. One's romantic orientation defines who they are capable of falling in love with under certain requirements based upon gender/sex/expression. People may be heteroromantic if they are romantic with people of the opposite gender, homoromantic if they are romantic with people of the same gender, biromantic if they are romantic with people of both the male and female genders, triromantic if they are romantic with three different genders, or panromantic if they are romantic with all genders (again there are more on the list). Those who are incapable of being romantically attracted to someone may identify as aromantic.

I hope that my above explanations help you at least somewhat. Hopefully with this information you will find it easier to find what you identify as/where you are in the gender spectrum and how you identify sexually and romantically. Good luck with everything, and I hope that I have helped you come closer to finding who you are.

愛 Eth

http://www.lauras-playground.com/intgender_therapsits.htm should help you to find Gender Therapists in the UK.

[Guest GA1]

From that I sound more Androgyne (I still like computer games, math and building computers.) than genderqueer. Intresting.