I, Vince, Am Scared of Everything: a Thrilling Saga

[whatishappening]

Having severe anxiety sucks. So bad. I am usually fully aware of how irrational my worries are, but I can’t stop them. My anxiety’s been hindering every part of my life: lowering my grades, destroying my sleep schedule, giving me panic attacks almost nightly, making me bail out of things I genuinely WANT to do (mostly track), and affecting me physically (massive stomachaches [may be stomach ulcers, I really need to get that checked out], headaches, nausea). I’m gonna post the things I’m currently scared of on here every day, to try to get myself to see that my fears are irrational and maybe worry a little less. Maybe getting this stuff off my chest will help a little.

Today’s Fears:

- bad memories, they won’t stop coming back and I want them to go away

- seeing [REDACTED] at school next year, he hurt me

- seeing things that aren’t there- how do I tell if they’re real?

- still being seen as a girl by everyone 

- my dad saying ‘what is wrong with you?’ again

- my mom raising her voice 

- my friends forgetting about me

- that I’ll never be able to escape my parents

- that I’ll never be able to be who I want to be

[VickySGV]

This is a good place to set your burdens down and learn to deal with them.  Some of what you say is typical of being a young adult, but I hear some other issues in there that may need special help from an ordinary counselor, but maybe you already have one.  The transition from young child is hard enough if you are Cis, but very very difficult when you add in unaccepting family members if you are Trans.  Your last two items, for me did take until I was 60 years old after my parents died, but today I am free to be myself and live my truth.  It may take time, but it will come.

 

[CD Rachel]

@whatishappening as some one who has lived my entire life (54 years) with anxiety and fear please save your self and seek professional help. I know just the thought of bringing your anxieties out into the open for some one to see is a terrifying thought but living my whole life with the ulcers, nausea, insomnia and migraines I can assure you that getting help now will save you a life time of pain. There are medications that help but there is a price to pay for the temporary relief they provide. Over time a good therapist can help you become free. I am working now on being freed from this monster that had ruled my life for so long. I hope that you can escape this and live your life instead of one day finding yourself filled with regrets as I have.

 

Rachel

[Jackie C.]

Today's advice is brought to you by the Klingon Advice line:

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- bad memories, they won’t stop coming back and I want them to go away

 

Destroy them!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- seeing [REDACTED] at school next year, he hurt me

 

Destroy him!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- seeing things that aren’t there- how do I tell if they’re real?

 

Destroy them!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- still being seen as a girl by everyone 

 

Destroy them!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- my dad saying ‘what is wrong with you?’ again

 

Destroy him!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- my mom raising her voice

 

Destroy her!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- my friends forgetting about me

 

Destroy them!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- that I’ll never be able to escape my parents

 

Destroy them!

 

13 hours ago, whatishappening said:

- that I’ll never be able to be who I want to be

 

Well, obviously that's a project. You need to work on that like a sculpture. Just chip away a little bit every day until you're the best you that you can be. Um, I mean DESTROY THE OLD YOU!

 

This has been a message of the Klingon advice line. I hope the humor helped a little. Seriously though, take it one day at a time. One hour at a time or even one breath at a time if you need to. Do the best you can with that, then move forward. Pick your goal, figure out what you need to do and break it down into steps. Then one step at a time and keep moving forward towards what you want and away from the things you don't. Some of that you're going to have to put off because you're young and dependent on your parents, but don't lose sight of your goals. You'll get there in spite of the people trying to drag you down.

 

Hugs!

[whatishappening]

Today’s Fears:

- needles

- loud things

- being touched

- my dad 

- bad memories of a bad place 

[Jackie C.]

Well needles is just sensible. They're sharp you know.

 

The other four sound like PTSD from abuse. Is there somebody with a little more authority than me who you can talk to? I'm not trying to brush you off, I just want you to get more support than I can offer.

 

Hugs!

[whatishappening]

 

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

The other four sound like PTSD from abuse. Is there somebody with a little more authority than me who you can talk to? I'm not trying to brush you off, I just want you to get more support than I can offer.

Not really... I have a therapist, but he’s kinda.... eh. I don’t trust him very much, but I’m scared to tell him that. I know I need a different therapist to move forward, but my fear of him or my parents being disappointed or mad at me for it keeps me from actually doing it.

[whatishappening]

Thanks for all of your support though!

[Jackie C.]

That's valid, you need to be able to trust your therapist and there are bad ones out there just like there are in any other field. Can you request a new one in his network or is it a private practice kind of thing?

 

In the meantime, please feel free to vent to us whenever you need to. I'm not a therapist, but I'm always happy to listen.

 

Hugs!

[whatishappening]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:Can you request a new one in his network or is it a private practice kind of thing?

I’m not sure if I can. I’m pretty sure it’s a private practice.

[Heather Shay]

@whatishappening recognition of those fears is a good first step. I blocked mine for eons and am learning that blocking them only intensifies them. My therapist uses ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) and it talks directly to what you are feeling and experiencing right now. Learning to work with those fears and disconnecting with them, letting them have their space but not being dominated by them is the goal of ACT and it finally makes sense to me. 

 

Here is the founder of this branch of psychology and it is excellent.

 

 

 

[Jackie C.]

Bleah. I'm with a network and everything's remote so if my therapist and I didn't click, I could have requested another one... and another one until I found somebody that worked.

 

Hugs!

[whatishappening]

Today’s Fears:

- my period

- not feeling manly

- everything loud

- people

- I want to hide

[Jackie C.]

Well, the first one is, "You and every other trans guy," so solidarity.

 

I'm not sure what "manly" feels like. I imagine it's hairy, itchy and slightly damp. ?

 

The rest of it... yeah, I feel you today. I just want to hide under the covers too. Not the best day ever.

 

Hugs!

[KaiTheGreater]

Hey, I hope you're doing alright when you read this. I just wanted to add my few cents because I've also struggled with crippling anxiety my whole life, and I had to do a lot of work and practice to start recovering from it. I still struggle, but I've conquered a lot already! It's a wonderful feeling to be able to reclaim your life, to have fewer and fewer (and less intense) episodes, and to feel in moments of anxiety that even though it really, really sucks, you feel safe in knowing it won't destroy you or control you.

 

First, I'm glad you're giving yourself a space here to open up about what's making you afraid. That can help a lot- both the relief of letting your thoughts out of your head, and the chance to look at your fears a little more objectively and spend some time thinking about how to manage the anxiety they cause.

 

I'm also glad to hear you're seeing a therapist, but I want you to know it's normal to not click with your first one, whether it's because they aren't suited to helping in your particular case, or just because your personalities don't fit. It's important to feel comfortable with your T and be able to trust them- it sounds like you understand that. There's nothing wrong with explaining that you don't feel you're a good match, and you'd like to try working with someone else. If they're a good therapist, they understand that! You may find your parents are more understanding than you expect about this, but even if they aren't, just know that you're taking an important step in bettering your life, and they don't have to understand that.

 

You can try looking at psychologytoday.com, where you can search for therapists by location and add all kinds of filters to narrow down your results to what kind of help you're looking for. And you can also try looking up anxiety therapy styles, and do some research to find what you feel might be most helpful to you and include that in your filters. If your therapist suggests you incorporate other techniques based on your circumstances, don't be afraid to try those too, because you never know how much something will help until you try it out.

 

I wish you luck in learning to overcome your anxiety and break free of it. And I am more than happy to listen to or discuss any fears you're having, or questions you may have.

[Justsam]

I'm also here for you. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years but I've found that meditation has really helped me. Don't worry I'm not a crazy hippie haha. Try an app called Medito or Healthy Minds. They are both free and give step by step guided mediations. They start easy and slowly build to longer sessions. They also offer good techniques for everyday life, without having to sit and do a meditation in the middle of the day.