Didn't Start Questioning Until Later....

[Gray]

I hear stories lots of trans folk who starting questioning their gender identity early and into puberty. My story isn’t like that so I’m looking for reassurance.

 

My mom taught me how a stereotypical girl should look like, act, and be but I always felt different than that. I felt weird from the other girls and had (still have) a strong dislike for my body. I didn’t grow up with terms like gender dysphoria, transgender, or much else that was similar. I only started learning that as an adult. I didn’t even start questioning my gender identity until I was 19, when I came out as non-binary.

 

My point is: I feel like I’m not part of the community cause I didn’t grow up feeling I was trans just... different. It’s only been the past 6 years that I’ve really questioned myself and my identity and feel like I’m trans.

 

Has anyone else felt similar? Thanks I’m advance for replying!

[Jackie C.]

3 hours ago, Gray said:

Has anyone else felt similar?

 

You're good. We don't always have the language we need to describe what's wrong when we're young. You felt "different" but didn't have a label for it or realize what the problem was so you could get help. It happens more than you'd think and you're absolutely not alone.

 

Hugs!

[Billy]

Your story is as valid as that of anyone else. If you feel discomfort concerning your birth gender, it is totally OK to explore that further and there is no "right" story required for that. That nagging feeling inside of you is enough. 

I am in my 40s now and only now am I starting to get to know what it is that has made me feel different, uncomfortable in social situations and never fitting in with the girls despite me trying really hard. 

All I know is that I am not a woman. Everything else will come step by step as long as I dare to continue exploring. And my gut feeling is telling me to explore. So that's enough. 

[KathyLauren]

It is totally valid to figure out your gender identity later in life.  I figured it out in my early 60s!  If is more common for AFAB (assigned female at birth) people to figure it out around puberty than it is for AMAB folks, but everyone's journey is unique.  There is no wrong way to be trans.

 

So, welcome, Gray.  You'll fit right in here.

[Gabriel]

It took me 45 years to figure out, and then looking back it was so clear that it had always been there.

There are several reasons for the "I always knew" mainstream narrative, but it doesn't reflect the reality of many of us.

You are who you are, no matter your age when you realise it.

Welcome Gray

 

[Heather Shay]

I had all the signs but denied all my life and until the past few years never felt safe nor accepted my transgender but realized there was something wrong and tried to get help for depression anxiety and anorexia but they weren't the root cause. Took me until last year at age 68 to accept my condition and do something about it and I am SO HAPPY I did.

[Drake]

Gender identity is super deep and difficult to deal with anyway, so if you don't figure it out until later it really doesn't matter that much. There's a lot of times in life, and I've heard other trans people say this too, where dealing with your gender identity and transitioning is just too much to deal with anyway. A lot of us got stuck on just staying alive, and that's still valid.

[miz miranda]

I was 64 when I first recognized feelings questioning my gender. For me, it came from nowhere but it came on strongly. While I have never felt comfortable with myself, I never had a reason I could point at.  I have gone through the process of trying to accept myself and have questioned whether I belong as well. I nave begin accepting myself and I belong. I have found that many people have discovered themselves well into their life and have not always known. We all have unique stories and trajectories of discovering ourselves. It doesn't matter when you begin questioning, you belong and you are welcome

 

 

 

[Ivy]

I felt out of place all my life.  But it wasn't till my late 60's that I began to understand why.

[rainflower]

I did realize I wanted to be a girl until around age 17, I also didn't have access to the words, language, role models, medical knowledge, etc. I didn't hatch until a little over a year ago when I was 36. The way it is working out for you is fine and similar to the experience of many others.

[Elizabeth Star]

I didn't vocalize it (to myself) until I was 18-19 but believed everyone had thoughts and feelings like mine. They just didn't talk about them. I like to say I knew long before. In hindsight I did. I was 43 when reality finally hit me and knew I had to do something. A year and a half later my emotions had me backed in a corner and I knew at that moment I had to make a decision. Thankfully I'm still here and can talk about it.

[Charlize]

I first felt it was weird that boys and girls couldn't keep playing together.  I just wanted to be with the girls but couldn't.  Later i would dream of waking as a girl.  All this was simply not possible but i remember the two times i was able to dress as myself at halloween as being special!

Life went on and i grew into the man my parents wanted.  At 61 i began to get honest about my feelings and at 63 i was full time. Expressing myself in recovery rooms (i'm an alcoholic in recovery), here and in therapy was certainly helpful.

Today at 72 i'm happily myself.

You are certainly not alone Gray.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

Hi @Graynice to meet you and Welcome!

We are all on different paths with different destinations, so your story is both similar to ours and unique to you.

I felt I was "different" at very young age, and knew I enjoyed crossdressing, but the idea of being transgender never entered my consciousness until a ripe old age (that is recently).
Much at @Charlizementioned, finding this Forum, and connecting with others who were amazingly Just Like Me made all the difference ... and therapy.

Hope you find a similar confidence here in this community❣️

Deep breaths ... one step at a time

[Ethan Ripp]

I had always felt that something was off but didn't start connecting it to gender till a couple of years ago. I didn't even know it was possible to question your gender when I was a kid/teenager sonI wouldn't be surprised if there were more stories like that. 

[Gray]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses, and my apologies for not answering back sooner. Life happens, you know?

 

I appreciate everyone's comments. It's been a wild ride figuring all of this out. It's nice to finally be apart of a community that understands!

 

Many hugs!!!

[DeeDee]

On 4/28/2021 at 9:41 AM, Billy said:

there is no "right" story required for that. That nagging feeling inside of you is enough. 

I am in my 40s now and only now am I starting to get to know what it is that has made me feel different, uncomfortable in social situations and never fitting in

Just this ^^^^    Totally where and how I started, albeit from a different place on the spectrum... sometimes just knowing we aren't being seen right is the only clue we have to go on as our bodies are amazingly good at tricking us into not looking too deeply.

 

Pleased to meet you Gray