bad dysphoria day

[whatishappening]

Everything feels so wrong and I want it to go away. How the hell do I make this go away? I really really wish I looked like a cis dude, but I still look like a -censored- girl. I can’t get it out of my mind that I’ll never be a cis guy, and that even if I get surgery or take testosterone, it’ll never be quite the same as a cis guy’s. It is sad time. How the heck do I make this less bad???

[Robin]

If we can find a wizard to cast the spell, I will swap bodies with you.  Realistically, I don't really know the answer, as I have similar feelings, only from the opposite perspective.

 

Robin.

[Gabriel]

That's hard @whatishappening. I'm sorry you are is such difficult place.

Here's what I think you can do, although I know you won't like it. There is no magic wand, so wishing for impossibles is only gonna make you feel miserable. The more you wish, the more miserable you will be.

So if you don't want to be miserable, change your mindset. Stop feeling like a victim and start busting your a-s-s to work for yourself. Take every action you can (and is safe to take) to get closer to who you want to be.

Truth is, in time and with HRT and top surgery you can totally look male and pass as male. I know it is not the same with bottom surgery. I get it, my bottom dysphoria is big too and that is one of my concerns.

But taking action will make you feel way better than moping around. And for the record, one of the biggest lessons of being trans is learning to accept and love ourselves.

You can do this, and you can feel way better.

[KayC]

21 hours ago, whatishappening said:

I can’t get it out of my mind that I’ll never be a cis guy

As part of my journey in gender therapy I came to the conclusion that no matter how far I go in Transition, I will NEVER be a "cis-woman".  its not just the parts or the hormones, but having the shared experience of a Lifetime as a cis-woman would always be missing and something I cannot create out of thin air.

BUT, whatever stage of the spectrum I achieve I WILL be ME!  And the true aspect of what and who I am as a human being.  Uniquely and perfectly imperfect in my own way.  For me this is the true goal of Self-Acceptance.

@whatishappening not sure if you are in gender therapy at this time, but I hope reflecting on what Self-Acceptance means to you might be a path that leads you to a place with less dysphoria (and I do know its difficult, Dear)❤️

[Chiefsrule58]

Whatishappening,

   Sorry that things are difficult for you. When I get overwhelmed with dysphoria or anxiety there are a few different things that I try, usually one of them will help make things more tolerable.  The first thing is I set with what I am feeling, I try to accept things as they are, without judgment (especially self judgment). Writing down exactly what I am feeling helps me to center myself using a feelings wheel can help to identify specific emotions. After that I practice gratitude, I usually write down at least three things I am grateful for and read them back to myself. At this point I am usually distracted enough to get out of my head and into my body.

    If I am feeling particularly awful I will use a distraction,  such as work, reading, running, or helping other people (especially if I am feeling depressed). When that's still not enough I turn to music( I have a play list of music that inspires me and makes me happy) and a warm bath with lavender oil, I like adding bubble bath to the mix so I don't get down or distracted by seeing my own body.  Keep in mind everyone is different and that it takes time to learn to accept ourselves as we are, there are no short cuts and it's a process that will take time.

   Over time with practice, self acceptance, and the miracle of HRT things have gotten better for me (at least in my ability to handle the dysphoria) and I know they can and will get better for you too. I hope this helps.

      Take care,

         Jamie