Therapists

[Msecret]

I am excited to be starting a new therapist soon. After looking since the middle of last year I finally found one with some real legitimate looking gender specialty and is part of a significant size practice. My current one (since January) claimed to be well qualified and experienced in the area, but has not helped me figure anything out. When I ask, it's always something to the meaning of "if you think that you are transgender, then you are transgender" or "if you think that it would be a good time to start hormones, you can start hormones". Same thing with wearing female clothing outside of home or coming out to people. It's been weekly sessions and she'll say that she doesn't know me well enough yet if I press for some real feedback. I hope that this isn't the norm. Not that I need to be told what to do, but some kind of guidance in how to best proceed would be nice. 

[Charlize]

Perhaps i was blessed with my therapist.  She also let me make my own decisions, which seems to be what has been your experience as well.  She did not use phrases like:

12 hours ago, Msecret said:

"if you think that you are transgender, then you are transgender"

Instead by going over my issues over my life i saw patterns which began to give me an answer.  Over several sessions i saw that my issues were not going away.  I was not encouraged or discouraged but instead given a non judgmental ear that seemed to lead me to my own conclusion. 

What was most important to me was that i had made there decision to be completely honest about a topic i been too ashamed and fearful to really examine, non the less express to another person.  I seemed to find answers myself as i explored my life and feelings with another person.

Hope that helps.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[KayC]

I love my therapist, but I can't say she has ever offered me advice or directed any of my decisions or actions.  A good therapist really shouldn't do that, but they should help enable you in the process of your own self-discovery and be affirming and accepting as you reach those new plateaus.

If you were not getting that from your previous therapist (and maybe her lack of experience in the transgender field is why) then its probably good that you decided to seek out a new therapist.

Hope all goes well, and you can give us an update.

[Carolyn Marie]

@Msecret, did you ever ask your original therapist how many trans clients she's had, or specific training, or what contacts she has that would assist you (doctors, voice training, clinics, facial hair removal places, etc)?  If the answers to such questions were mostly "no and none," then I think your switch to a better qualified one is well worth it.  Best of luck.

 

Carolyn Marie

[Msecret]

@Charlize

@KayC

@Carolyn Marie

Thank you all. While my therapist did not use that specific phrase, it was the context. I spoke with her today and informed that the new one is someone I perceive to be more of a specialist, being that the new one is not cis gender and lists gender as a specialty. Apparently current one has had clients who have transitioned, but I guess it's not as simple for me. Hopefully this new person goes beyond simple validation and helps me understand how I am valid and to help me figure out how to where I'm comfortable on the gender spectrum, otherwise doubt, anxiety, guilt, and wondering how I can transition while dealing with family and work and whether it's worth it could really make life hard. I want to feel confident that transition will make me happy, but also be able to tell my very sceptical wife something to the effect of "I'm valid, this is why, and an expert has confirmed that my feelings about this are normal and legitimate and that I am not just confused and doing something that I'll regret." I hope I am not asking too much but first session in less than a week ?

[Melissa Mazurek]

Good therapists are guides on our journey.  They can ask probing questions, listen and offer perspective, but as a few have pointed out here, they should not 'tell' you what to do with your life.  I have had a gender counselor for almost ten years, and she is fabulous.  She is a lesbian who has been a part of the LGBTQ community for over thirty years and helped dozens of transgender patients find their way.  With what I am currently experiencing, having an established relationship with her is a life saver.  And she gets it.  In her words, when I told her I need to transition, she said, "You have been putting on a brave face for a long time."  That bit of reality hit home, and it brought me to tears.  Yes, indeed, a brave face for a long time.  At no point did she ever say, "Hey, you need to transition."  I have come to that conclusion after trying to figure out how else to bury and deny my trans identity and really why I have never been happy.  I think that is what I want most--the chance to be happy and feel 'whole' and complete and who I really am.....hugs, Melissa.

[Msecret]

@Melissa Mazurek

Thank you