Feeling fraudulent. don't have overwhelming urge to be a woman, but cannot deny growing feminity

[swallow]

Hi everyone,

 

A bit of a ramble today after a run...

 

Feeling a bit melancholic on a cloudy day and feeling a bit like a fraud.?

 

Allow me to (try to) explain (and please excuse if any overtly sexual visuals offend sensibilities...  I mean no harm...I am from the sin of Los Angeles)...?

 

As mentioned in my intro, I've always had a deep down feeling of a VERY strong female persona. Outwardly, I have always been sufficiently "Boyish" (as some girls tend to describe me)?

 

But I have not had issue functioning as male since I do enjoy a number of more male related 'interest"

 

However over recent last decade, I feel like (I suppose its natural?) my male hormonal levels have come down considerably and its led to this resurgence in feminine traits.

 

In essence  I feel like my gender issues are being led in some ways by my physical form.

 

I feel like the character in the film Orlando in many ways.

 

Over my male adult life... I've been always trying to (fight would not be the right word) ensure I was not left vulnerable bc of my more feminine build and look. Being in more predominantly male work, my one saving grace (which ironically I loathe) is my voice. Employing a lower voice, somehow allowed me to (partially) convince the other males I was not a 'prey' to be had.?

 

They would always feel as if I was too pretty not to be a girl (even with hair shaven!) and it was a shame but since my voice is so 'male', there's that (followed by their avocation of straightness rituals thereafter...cue chest thumping, exhibitions of 'strength' )??

 

But now over recent decade I've felt my body turn softer. I don't have breast to speak off of course (34A on a good day) but my nipples started to get extremely sensitive (I blame my infant son who started the process when he used to grab them thinking I was mom) and my 'chest' is considerably fleshy and soft for a slim person. More recently, I feel it looks different in shape, rounder with slightly more fat at the bottom.

 

My partner (before she passed) also used to remarked to me that when I started to go down in weight (and I was never ever that heavy to begin with), I started to look 'too feminine' for her.

 

These recent physical changes seem to be pushing me back toward my earlier pubescent years of feminine dominant feelings.

 

I've of course not gone to a doctor to measure hormone levels or anything but somehow I feel my body is leading the way in the internal changes I am feeling now.

 

Clinging onto the conviction that I am entirely male have now become an issue (even if physically as far as genitals are concern at least, I am)...yet the Dysphoria is soo overwhelming?

 

I couldn't say I've felt the strong urge to become a woman - to be considered 'Transgender' as the Therapist would brand.

 

But not embracing what I am (even if an in between state) to me would seem false of me too.

 

I like to think my body doesn't lie and seems to be moving in a strong feminine direction. Am I convincing my mind to follow with it, or is it doing so naturally?

 

Or maybe its just projection on my part??

 

I don't exactly 'want to be a woman' per se.

 

I really just want to be me but where is me? It seems an evolving process...

 

I wonder if some feel this way as well? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[rainflower]

That all really sounds like me when I was much younger, in my primary/secondary school years. I was very thin and soft with feminine features, especially in my face and eyes. I was bullied a lot for it and I think a lot of girls passed me up because of it (and a lot of guys passed me up for other reasons). I just didn't know what was going on with me. I didn't have the terminology or the knowledge. I know I didn't really want to be a man or present that way. As an older teen I grew my hair long and preferred tight fitting clothes, and actually got gendered female a few times at work which felt amazing. It took years before I realized what was going on and accepted it (because I had developed internalized homophobia/transphobia for a while). In 2019 I started poking around online and learning some things, The Transition Channel on Youtube in particular was a great help. Then I just decided to become a woman full time and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. So, it can take some time to figure it out. If you are concerned about your hormone levels I would definitely get that checked, it is a very quick and simple blood test. Your doctor might have other explanations for what might be going on as well.

[Astrid]

3 hours ago, swallow said:

I really just want to be me but where is me? It seems an evolving process...

 

Hi, @swallow!  Both of the sentences above are important.  Expressing your gender identity in a way that makes you comfortable, without worrying out which label is being applied, is itself an evolving process as you work on this journey.  For many of us, an important part of the process is finding an experienced gender therapist; it was certainly the case for me, and for many members here.

 

The same doubts you expressed are similar to those I had.  Ultimately, I needed to stop ignoring my doubts and do something about them -- which has been a lesson in overcoming fears (many unfounded) and finding much greater happiness than I dreamed was possible.

 

Best wishes as you take steps forward on your journey.

 

Astrid

 

 

[Davie]

Thanks, swallow and Astrid—

 

That's great to read, honest and open with the complexities of these trans states of being. It's wise without any preaching, full of acceptance. I don't know exactly where my path is going, but this site is helping me grow into a more real me, I know that much.

hugs,

Davie 

[swallow]

Hi Rainflower, Astrid, Davie,

 

Thanks for the great feedback.?

 

Its good to know you're not alone and great to have a site to voice out a complex evolving thought process that ironically I'd fine difficult to share with non-strangers let alone close friends.?

 

One definining/regretable moment for me was in High school.?

 

I use to hang out with one particular guy. I was so innocent at that time, i thought we enjoyed after school Basketball and we got along great chatting about plenty of things.

 

Then one fine day, he pulled me aside and confess to me he thought he was Gay and was in love with me.?

 

I freaked out.

 

I wasn't the 'Homophobic' sort (There were PLENTY of those around the school) but it disturbed me that I reacted to strongly on him, did not put him down gently at least.

 

On hind sight I realise I was upset with him for two reasons :

 

1) Our Platonic friendship which I cherished so much has been complicated by Romantic interest I was too young to understand why...

 

2) I was offended he saw me as a guy (But why wouldn't he?) and that I was being attractive to someone bc of male features...

 

Of course it may be (very likely) that he was equally confused as I was but I never really got a chance to have a proper sit down talk with him to articulate myself better.

 

Back in those days of course, we never had benefit of Internet and ability to chat with others with potentially similar issues as we do now.

 

My sexual/identity confusion only grew further from there since I knew I wanted to be feminine and attractive for others (secretly longed to be held etc) but yet I did not feel the same sort of visceral attraction to the male body as many of my Gay friends (indeed women too) did.?

 

How do you reconcile these two diametrically incongruent feelings? At once attracted to the attention of men yet repulse by their physicality?

 

Later I divided up the physical aspect of attractions into 5 parts base on the senses to try and make sense of where I  was on the spectrum :

 

1) Visually - More attracted to looking at female form than male by far but much of it seemed mired in Envy, projection of being that body.

 

2) Aurally - Neutral to both Male or Female voices. I love the melodic qualities of the higher pitch female voice but there are also many examples of grating voices from that sex. I'm not particularly attracted to male voice (Hating my own with a passion) but there are times when certain men speak to me in strong low confident voices that makes me all gushy.

 

3) Scent - Prefer the Female scent. Can't understand the attraction to male scent women have particularly as I have been subjected to many a bunk full of stinky men (Can never go to a gym,off putting smell for me)

 

4) Touch - I love the softness of female body but something about the strength and solidity of a male body just does it for me. I get really gushy. Don't understand why since I hate the look of the body but the touch...

 

5) Taste - I'm not sure how to categorise this one beyond X rated ... I suppose this is the more nebulous aspect , the inner feelings between  attraction to male or female energy that is a whole different kettle of fish beyond the purely physical.

 

Bearing this in mind, I felt I came out fairly neutral which may explain why I was ambling along in a sort of half state favouring on male (Thanks to my opportune meeting with my partner) for the longest time. She made me feel comfortable enough and that the internal conflict was less relevant for a while...

 

Yet as I physically softened with time, I felt I was mentally also travelling toward the other side. In your 40s and still looking slim and feminine despite all the male physical work...I think it was time to reconcile to an unavoidable truth.

 

Its about balance.

 

I don't know if in a way, the rearing of children also had its effect unleashing the latent feminine side further since I took an extremely (some would say) over active role in this. ?

 

Perhaps my childhood with a strong mother figure also doubled down on the strength of my internal feminine character.

 

And with my spouse passing, all this has resurfaced like a ball being pushed under water for only so long.

 

The embrace of the other self now seems doubly important with the critical reminder of aging to come and the finite nature of time.

 

As Astrid says, I have avoided labels.

 

I got a 'Miss' again today (not bad for over 50), if I got a 'sir' , sometimes they apologise but I always tell them better that than calling me 'hey -censored-'.☺️

 

As for my friend, I feel such an -censored- with him. I'm still in no ways attracted to him ? but its on my bucket list to one day sooner than later track him down and explain what I've discovered about myself.

 

 

 

[rainflower]

It sounds like you are really trying hard to logically work it out. There is nothing wrong with that, but also remember not to focus too much on the past. How you feel now matters, too.

I went thru some phases where I thought I might just be bi/gay male. I found that when I was with men, I wanted to be the female role and didn't want to be treated or seen like a man. Some men I found attractive, many others not so much. I think that had to do with how men see women and how everything is based on looks. There are other qualities in men that I find attractive that oftentimes more than make up for them not looking like a model, most important being making me laugh, treating me like a lady, and having a hunger for me. Men can have an effect on me that women have not been able to.

Either way tho, you don't have to be into men to be a transwoman. In fact there are many trans lesbians.

[swallow]

You know...its very odd my attraction to men...

 

I don't even know what qualities turn me on to (some of them)...it seems so random.?

 

I remember once an officer in the Army, we were both crossing the field in opposite ways, him toward a Company waiting for him, me towards the cookhouse for my breakfast.

 

I've seen him around the lines vaguely but never spoken to him ever.

 

As we passed he gave me a simple smile and said 'Hi' as I saluted him (I was a Sergeant). It was such a disarming smile. So friendly and such a reassuring friendly "Hi". I was all gooey inside after that. ?

 

I mean, I pass by Officers all the time, all sorts, why this guy? I could not even work out whether I found him handsome or something. I was certainly not lusting after him. I just felt very 'taken'.☺️

 

Its was like in "Eyes Wide Shut' when Nicole Kidman related to her Pilot...

 

Then there was this older Korean man my Dad introduced me to. He was a well renown Artistic/Stage Director back in Korea. He did not speak much English. I don't speak any Korean (besides the menu and some important swear words I learnt for a laugh)?

 

He had an instant hold on me when we met. He didn't say anything I understood.????

 

Years later we would meet in Korea where he would take me out to dinner. I could not read if he was interested in me since he was reserve in manner and of course the language barrier. I allowed myself to be plied with drinks (It was a restaurant specialising in 18 different varieties (or more) of Soju (Liquor...Korean Monks are apparently like Trapist, experts at this) and Monastery food an odd mix but delish...best Korean food I ever had.?

 

After which when suitably plastered, he mentioned taking me (by now the middle of the night) to (close to the DMZ...which turned out to be true) to check on his Theatre's rehearsal of MacBeth (in Korean! Lordy!)?

 

I dunno what it was but I was ready to give in to him.

 

Its sooooo RANDOM!

 

Other times I simply have ZERO interest in men.

 

I thought maybe one thing that gets me about Men is when they (Gently) 'take control'. Ironically my wife found that 'sexy' with me bc I was always decisive when it mattered (since I was trained in 'crisis' management' in the Military which later also worked into film production). Its always fight or flight for me often fight.

 

Yet (as you can discern), I'm quite a chatty individual and I'd talk through my problems have a million and one ideas.

 

These men I seem to be drawn to seem like the strong quiet reassuring type that don't say much but when they did it, mattered (perhaps in some form of Intellectual superiority over me, or maybe it was something missing in me as a man?)?

 

I was once with a very well known British Film critic who invited me to dinner in London.

 

He was terribly busy with (several) deadlines but made time for me and we snuck down to Chinatown for a meal which he bought me. This always gets me when a man buys me a meal (sounds so cliche)...I'm completely at the mercy?

 

What's more, he was such a Gentleman, let me do the ordering, wanted me to be happy with the meal first and foremost.

 

He let me do the talking (as a good film critic would I guess), didn't say too much but was disarmingly friendly to me and charming with that strong silent smile. I don't remember much of what he said. I felt like a right ditz.?

 

Again I would not have thought twice of 'going further with the evening' but for the fact of course I was married (must be a good woman) and I felt/rationalized he had better get back to his deadline.(nor was I sure if there was any interest on his part or it was on purely my own desired conjecture)

 

The other half of it of course was I felt inadequate in those circumstances bc I wasn't a woman for them.

 

If they were Bi-Sexual or were into Men, that would not do it for me. I wanted to and was ready to give them something as a woman but painfully, I wasn't one.?

 

I had to swallow the 'disappointment'.

 

So strange.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kiera]

4 hours ago, swallow said:

You know...its very odd my attraction to men...

 

I dunno what it was but I was ready to give in to him.

 

Its sooooo RANDOM!

I thought maybe one thing that gets me about Men is when they (Gently) 'take control'.

These men I seem to be drawn to seem like the strong quiet reassuring type

 

This always gets me when a man buys me a meal (sounds so cliche)...I'm completely at the mercy?

What's more, he was such a Gentleman, let me do the ordering, wanted me to be happy with the meal first and foremost.

Again I would not have thought twice of 'going further with the evening'

If they were Bi-Sexual or were into Men, that would not do it for me. I wanted to and was ready to give them something as a woman but painfully, I wasn't one.?

 

So strange.

Great Read @swallow not strange at all so what is it exactly that makes a girl say "no - maybe - YES!" I suppose it is "random" in the sense that there's nothing quite like a lover finding you! I also like, am attracted to, men who are friendly, chatty, polite and who, in a round-about-sort-of-way without being too aggressive, also know what they want of us!

 

As it is I've only slept with guys who knew me "as a guy" but always made it Crystal Clear that they are making me feel like "their woman" too so . . .

 

Take It or Leave It!

[swallow]

Hi Kiera,

 

(I hope I don't offend anyone...following can be a bit X rated... but honest)

 

I like your quote.

 

I've felt trapped straddling both worlds.?

 

Men...

 

Invited a good friend (He's Irish Irish) to my apartment today since my son and I were catching a soccer final on TV.

 

I was hoping his wife would come along for lunch (First time since Pandemic we were having people over) but she was too tired from the week. My friend, he's so oblivious. They're really open minded people (Biologists) but I was wearing a Bra today goodness (albeit a padded 34A)... didn't bat an eyelid focus straight into game mode.?

 

...and it looks like the floodgates are now open, tomorrow another has invited himself bearing gift (a meal) I can't really say no to that.?

 

I told another if he wanted to come by, he'd need to get naked at the door bc I have a new velveteen sofa and he has a dog (Dander is his middle name).?

 

I think I can be a little too frisky if I don't watch myself. Fortunately my horrid voice is both a curse and a lifesaver.

 

If I cross the hurdle on that, who knows? I might be less restrained and get myself into trouble.?

 

I often think had my voice been a pitch higher...(I don't speak in an effeminate manner by any means but its fairly neutral ...Slightly Tomboyish would be the approximate)...where would it have led to?

 

In the Army there was this Senior Drill Sergeant, a Special Forces guy who looked a bit like Freddie Mercury that I was both fearful and in some ways turned on by.

 

I wouldn't go to bed with him for a Million bucks but he would EMBARRASSINGLY announce across the parade square each time I went down to Company lines (which I tried to avoid), that he was coming over to -expletive- me that night!?

 

SOOOOOO embarrassing! I could still hear the rest of the soldiers having a good laugh (echoing through the years) as I kept my head down pretended I heard none of that!?

 

These Special Forces males, I dunno what's up with them. He was not the only one. Somehow they must be the Alpha of Alphas or something, it seemed they were SOOO Alpha from whatever they must have been put through (surviving the horrors out there) they would screw ANYTHING attractive regardless...?

 

I was assigned to (ridiculous) 'Special' orders by the CO to help with training up the Boxing team for an important tournament...guess who was one of the top Boxers doing the training...this crazy, brutal, handsome Drill Sergeant!?

 

I was so fearful each night bc I had a single room by the gym assigned to me by my own senior Sergeant (another who like my Irish friend seemingly oblivious to the Drill Sergeant's less mainstream sexuality)....going to the bathroom at lights out each night was a stealth operation and nerve wrecking to say the least.

 

Yet  I would feel if he came for me, I would put up a fight if he was aggressive.

 

If he was approaching me softly, I was prey and would (almost as much) likely succumb to his advance.?

 

Watching him work the ring (as he took time to come and wink at me...idiot) was a bit of a turn on if super embarrassing. It did not help of course I got flush which he said was turning him on even more which he blamed me for distracting him.

 

The nerve.

 

As I said before I'm not visually stimulated by men but perhaps as you said it was the attention heaped on to me stroking my hidden female ego?...combined with the incredibly fluid movement of his body that was kinda hot...☺️

 

OTOH, I was conflicted with him since he seemed (understatement of the year) a tad unstable...the number of crossed out or burnt off names of ex girlfriend tatts a sure warning sign...(never mind potential STDs, he said he had of course, conquered all of them...good grief! What a character). ?

 

Yet I felt a certain pity for him (Florence Nightingale issue) and wanted to in some way, provide him some softness...make him heal.

 

Once in a quiet moment, I saw him just staring out to yonder with such sadness in his eyes.?

 

Then again, it was straight back to shouting after how he wanted to put his -penis- in my sweet mouth, so lewd...I didn't know what to make of it, back to complete turn off.

 

Perhaps if I felt more of a woman then, I would have been able to soften him up a bit, he was so on edge (no pun)...but since I had to defend my male persona (bearing in mind the environment), it was difficult.

 

I suppose that's the other half of being 'female' one may have to take, the (sometimes constant) harassment.

 

With women, it seem less complicated for me, it was a straight visual attraction.

 

But with men, such a mix bag of emotions.?

 

Maybe some of it was due to my own inhibitions not really being feminine enough always second guessing or having to accommodate the other half...one foot trying to balance each world.

 

If I transition further with maybe some of my hang ups (My voice) worked out better, have a clearer defined identity in one camp, it might hopefully get less complicated...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[KayC]

1 hour ago, swallow said:

These Special Forces males, I dunno what's up with them

That's a very interesting story, swallow.  Did you ever think maybe your Drill Sergeant could be struggling with gender dysphoria also?  What else could be the best "cover" for a male not being able to accept their gender identity.  Its not uncommon .. as I assume you understand.
There are many good articles about this .. here is one
https://sofrep.com/news/is-lifting-the-transgender-ban-good-for-special-operations-forces/

 

I have similar feelings of not being physically or emotionally attracted to cis-men, but to fantasize about being desired by one is something I cannot let go of.

 

Thank you for sharing your experiences for everybody here.  I am sure some others may have similar feelings.

 

[swallow]

Hi Kay,

 

There was likely a lot of issues with that poor man.

 

I felt like being there with a hug in a feminine way for him but there was that male bravado facade that's so hard to break down and had I been female, maybe both he and I would not have had that barrier.

 

We all entrap ourselves in some way or other.

 

I'm glad to have this site to work out my own 'modus operandi' of feelings and identity.

 

Hopefully it will help others too.

[swallow]

2 hours ago, swallow said:

Hi Kay,

 

There was likely a lot of issues with that poor man.

 

I felt like being there with a hug in a feminine way for him but there was that male bravado facade that's so hard to break down and had I been female, maybe both he and I would not have had that barrier.

 

We all entrap ourselves in some way or other.

 

I'm glad to have this site to work out my own 'modus operandi' of feelings and identity.

 

Hopefully it will help others too.

"I've been to paradise but I've never been to me"

[DeeDee]

Hi Swallow, I think the dissonance between our gender and our attraction is something that colours every relationship that we have.  On the outside I have always looked masculine, but my emotional presence and energy has always been soft and feminine. I am known for hugging and having a deeper connection to my friends, male and female.

One of the first things I was asked when I came out to a friend of mine was, "does that mean you're gay?" (I had been in a cis marriage for 14 years until my ex left me for someone else)

Honestly I am probably similar to Kay, I have always found women attractive, but have also always been drawn to the fantasy of being perceived and treated as a woman by men. So in all honesty I am probably bi or pan, but in the big scheme of things I do not really care. I peeled my hetro, cis label off and the rest will work itself out in the wash as I am more and more able to live as myself and to finally become comfortable in my own skin. ?‍♀️

[swallow]

Hi Deedee,

 

Great points. We get caught up in these labels too much some times.

 

Currently I find it difficult to 'advance' towards my next step which is reconciling my voice to a more female pitch.?

 

I know I can do it bc I do it in private late at night.

 

But when it comes to show time, there is a mental brake. Part of it could be simply down to confidence.

 

But part of it is also a hesitancy on my part to shed my old identity which I'm also to some extent maybe too comfortable with.

 

My interactions with old friends and family are characterised by my old voice. Of course I'm still waiting for them to point out the obvious that I am dressing (more and more) unabashedly feminine (My sister was the first and only one thus far to point out I was wearing leggings... but she's like that bless her)?

 

Just had a friend over for again today (Brought a duck for lunch!)... was again wearing my modest but obvious 34A bra underneath but not a mention...he's an ex Chef so he was more concern about the duck and that it was heated up right!?

 

I think I will need to put on the full frock, some falsies, lip gloss and make up next if I want to force the issue...even so...?

 

But my conversations with him seem so much more comfortable in my old voice and its the same with many others which I fear if I switch (too abruptly) may make it an issue where (if it isn't to them) we can concentrate and enjoy our conversation otherwise (without additional 'distractions')

 

So in two minds with mix emotions on this.

 

I think I'm on the crossroad bc I feel incongruent looking increasingly more feminine visually but sounding still masculine.

 

Certainly for strangers, it is becoming jarring bc they perceive me as female then when I open my mouth, they have to make adjustments. But for old acquaintances, if my visuals are not offending (and I don't think I am), then the voice becomes less of a concern for them I suppose.?

 

All the same, I wonder if there will be an attitude adjustment on their part if my voice moves toward a more feminine pitch.

 

I certainly feel it may make a fundamental adjustment to me personally.

 

Because with a softer higher feminine voice married to my visuals, I think I will appear much more 'vulnerable' to them all of a sudden (justified or not)

 

I already see 'adjustments' by strangers in every day life, doors opened for me by men. ☺️

 

One of the perks of appearing feminine behind the wheel is I get a lot of men giving way to me at intersections (They are far more patient). One of the negatives is when I adjust my hair at the stop light and am just a second late when it turns green, I get a honk and men shaking their head as they pass me.??

 

But if I start to put in the voice, I think my interactions may get very different.

 

Particularly the 'sex (appeal)' bit may come into play and I'm mixed about whether this is a good thing or bad. Perhaps some of my history may be the reason for my hesitancy, OTOH you don't know what's on the other side till you cross the bridge as they say, nothing ventured nothing gain.?

 

Honestly at this point, I'm not looking for relationships. It happens if it happens.

 

But I have thus far (perhaps bc of history) felt far more security and safety in relationships with women.

 

I have issues with women as well not least the pressure of having to 'deliver' which I have never been able to get over. But I feel easier conversationally in a relationship with females. Whether I am providing them enough with just the comfort of conversation alone is of course another thing.

 

I'm not so sure if I will be as comfortable in this regard with men. I can talk to men all day but I'm not sure being in a relationship with a man is something I can sustain. OTOH short term dalliances may be OK.?

 

Small steps as they say. I'm not trying to force anything and all in good time.

 

As many may seem to have alluded to here, I need to not over process things as well.

 

My partner was always good with 'go with the flow', I've always been a more cautious and tentative individual, she more "shoot from the hip, let's go for it"... me the nervous wort.?

 

I think my most important priority right now is to also come out to my children.

 

They are older now and although they are fans of 'Pose' and 'RuPaul's Drag Race' (which leads me to believe they are trying as well to process probably me), I am most nervous with them particularly my daughter. She can get very curt with me.?

 

I don't want to force it and have to find the right time to have the conversation.

 

I don't think I will ever stop being 'Dad' to them and I want to be a role model (whichever sex frankly) for my son. I don't want to make my daughter feel like I am replacing her mother either in any way. These are strong considerations for me which has led me to take a more gradual path within the household. With their acceptance, I feel I can then move forward.

 

 

Maybe that will remove the roadblock and allow me as well to transition my voice further.

 

I will kid myself if I will say I would ever be totally a woman. I will never have many of the experiences a woman will go through. Labels are not important for me. The reality and how people want to perceive me is up to them, I don't have much control in that right?

 

If I pass as female/woman for everyone (which will make me more comfortable) great.?

 

If not I am what I am. Just being authentic. I was made this way.?

 

I wonder if this makes sense...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[swallow]

My approach should be summed up in my interaction with some boys once in my son's junior school.

 

6th Graders are such pest...they could not resist the urge...came up to me and asked me if I was a Boy or a Girl...

 

I told them "What do YOU think I am?" (followed by silence and whispered discussion) ...on hindsight I may have been too 'aggressive'

 

Much later I found out there was always confusion at pick up with the kids at school, they assumed I was (5'9) Mommy (with my low voice?) and my chirpy partner (She's barely 5 feet) was the husband! Kids.?