Hi I'm Melanie Mirthan-Nelson

[MelanieMN]

 

Hi.  I am Melanie- Mel to most of those that talk to me more than once.  I have been reading some of the intro postings to   get an idea of what I might share of myself, as well as what need not be shared.  While there is nothing of me I have any desire or reason to hide, I have found that ‘all of me’ can be ‘too much of me’ at times. In reading through a sampling of the postings and replies on  this forum I have found common ground, shared feelings, a sharing of support and understanding, and an honest openness I think I need-want to be a part of ,and I feel to do that I need-want to show you who Melanie-the transgender woman is. This is my story. (Warning -this became a lot longer than I planned.)

I am a 68 year old pre/mid ? op transgender woman. I began HRT about 6 ½ years ago at which time I boxed up my male identity and  began to live 24/7 as Melanie  and to be legally recognized  as a woman. I  have lived in a remote, rural area of  Northern California known as the ‘Lost Coast’ for the past 35+ years as an artist/musician, alternative farmer/political activist and part of the Northern California cultural sub group that has given the world Hunter S, Wavey Gravy, Deadheads, The Hells Angels and Humboldt Sinsemilla. 

I am single, having been widowed twice and divorced once.  I have no children of my blood but do stand as parent/elder to two grown ‘children of my spirit.’ I am of Welsh/Scottish ancestry and though I do not consider myself a religious person , I do hold faith with the indigenous (pre Christian)  beliefs of my ancestors and the   spirituality of the first peoples of the land on which I live. I was born and raised in Alaska, lived in NW Washington state attending University of Washington and working for Boeing Aircraft and as a musician prior to relocating to my current location in 1984.

I first became aware of my ‘difference’ at about eight years of age.  I did not frame my different nature in the context of gender at the time (this was after all 1960) but I became increasingly aware that I didn’t think, trigger, react like boys did. I didn’t understand the male language.  It was at that point that I first started forming a male self identity based on what I saw as an acceptable male behavior rather than a self identity based on what I felt was right in me.

I became sexually active at 15, engaging in intimate relations with girls of my age as well as with older men. That also marked the beginning of my engaging in the sex trade. I use the term ‘sex trade’ as that was what I did. I traded sex for what I wanted. Which was for the most part to be acknowledged, pampered, desired, treated as special. To be treated as a desirable woman.  While never defining my life, this was an integral part of my life for the next 20 years. I was very lucky. I never had a really bad experience. Many young people that engage in this behavior are not so lucky.  So while I do not condemn the behavior and feel no guilt I do not recommend it in any way.

I was twenty when I first embraced the female me.  I had come under the influence of an older man who saw the female me and encouraged my presenting as woman.  I loved it. The awkward, feminine ‘looking boy became a happy, outgoing young girl.  Unfortunately the wardrobe lasted longer than the relationship and I ended up on the street in San Francisco.  I met some really good bad guys and spent the next year and a half as a ‘party girl’, living 24/7 as Melanie.   This was 1972 in SF and while there was an existing sizeable population of what would become known as the LGBTQ+ community, there was no acknowledgement of sexual and gender variant people as a valid cultural/social group within the larger society.  Anything other than traditional heterosexual behavior was considered abnormal, deviant behavior indicating mental illness and sexual perversion.  Any biological male that presented as a woman was assumed to be a guy that got off sexually on dressing as a woman and considered a pervert.  I don’t ever remember even hearing the term ‘transgender’ or the idea that it wasn’t all about sex.   Ironically a primary reason for resuming my male identity was that presenting as a woman was one of the few things in my life at that time that was not sexually driven. It just made me feel better about myself-no turn on, no sexual arousal so I kinda felt I was wearing my dress under false pretenses. I know that’s weird-ya had to be there. And I spent the next 40 years proving I could be a man.

About 8 years ago I stumbled across an article discussing the concept of gender identity conflict, the meaning of  transgender, and the various physiological causes. And finally everything began to make sense. Please note ‘Lauras Playground’  was a primary source of good, factual information for me-Thank You. For 40 years Melanie had been kept in the drawer with the sex toys. To be taken out for the pleasure of various partners but never allowed a life beyond that. Boy was I happy to finally be able to see myself as me, not just a sex toy. And the rest is history.

Why am I here?  Because there is a big difference between being accommodated and being accepted.  I am accommodated without prejudice in my community, everyone makes a point of being nice to me. But there can be no acceptance without understanding and my neighbors really don’t understand how-why a man they have known for 30 some years trades his Stetson for a bonnet and a different pronoun.

I am tired of standing alone. Thank you for allowing me to tell my story. I hope to listen to yours. I invite any and all dialogue. I do not bruise easily and believe me, as a performance artist since the age of four, I have been shredded to many times to let anything ‘get to me’. I  have lived in silence too long. And I’m really tired of being the only -transgender- in town. …..Mel

 

[Melissa Mazurek]

Thanks for sharing.  I am originally from the Central Valley, and there is a ton in your story I relate to.  

[Heather Shay]

@MelanieMN welcome Mel. I just turned 69 Saturday and so it's nice to hear from someone who has gone through the same time frame and societal issues.