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What gave you the courage to finally face YOU?


Shay

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For me it was that everything else I tried didn't work and that was an amazing amount of therapy with many different therapists that treated everything else BUT gender....

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1 hour ago, Shay said:

For me it was that everything else I tried didn't work and that was an amazing amount of therapy with many different therapists that treated everything else BUT gender....

Yes . . . Thanks, Shay. But for me it was coming here and listening to good advice. I'm lucky to have a therapist who's fine with me talking gender all I want--it's the basis for a lot of other issues. And in the Fall sometime I'll get a fully-qualified gender therapist. Guess what I need most is to pay attention to the day, the next word, the next note. And learn from them. I have a poem up today:

cheers,

Davie

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I really like it and I love the multi-levelness of it.

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I think it was a combination of things.  First there was 30+ years of therapy and hospitalizations for my various mental health and substance abuse issues.  The things that finally pushed me over the edge and forced me to face the facts of who I am were 1) When my roommate at the time intervened when she realized I was seriously considering suicide again, and helped get me back into recovery so I could work on myself and 2)  when I was diagnosed with cancer and was really face to face with how short and unpredictable life really is.  It made me realize that if I was ever to have any chance of being comfortable with myself, I had to start making strides to make it happen or I may never get the chance.

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KathyLauren

I had toyed with the idea of being transgender for a long, long time, but I had always squelched it down hard.  I coudn't face the idea of being one of those weird people!  So I convinced myself that I wasn't.

 

What changed was that I attended a science lecture by an astrophysicist who happened to be transgender.  It was an interesting talk, but I was more interested in the reactions of the audience members.  So afterwards, I hung around in the lobby, listening in on people's conversations.  Everyone was talking about the subject matter of the talk.  No one was talking about the presenter.  No nudge-nudge, wink-wink.  Nothing.

 

It was my first indication that a transgender person could live a normal life.  When I got home, I signed up on a transgender forum and started asking questions.  After a few months, I knew I was transgender.  I came out to my wife, and here I am.

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@MiraM thank you for sharing. I have similar past and last year after 68 years of denial I dove into life.

 

@KathyLauren what a wonderful revelation and spark to lead you on your way. If you haven't I think it would be treasured to her if you contacted that lecturer and told her your story. I think she'd love to hear it.

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On 6/9/2021 at 3:26 AM, MiraM said:

2)  when I was diagnosed with cancer and was really face to face with how short and unpredictable life really is.

 

This did it for me, too.  Also other health problems including a failing thyroid that caused my body to start making it's own changes toward transition which I could no longer hide or deny.  Both were shocking enough to wake me out of my apathy, fear and denial.  Fear of not fulfilling my destiny far outweighed my fear of social and emotional turmoil.  I think it's both unfortunate and fortunate that it can take a fear of death to overcome some of the obstructions that we encounter and construct in life.

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KymmieL

There were things I just never understood why I did certain things in my life. I had thought I was just a crossdresser. I never knew the reason I joined the military. My dad always asked me, my response was always I don't know. until I read somewhere that transgender people often join the military for the manly thing to do. To be manly. 

 

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. Hey idiot. you are a woman.  With the help of the VA and those here on trans pulse. I am becoming the woman I need to be.

 

Kymmie

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Thank you ladies so much for sharing and being so open. We have many things in common in our journeys and many trials and tribulations that are ours alone that no one but us can understand or have empathy for. I applaud your courage and strength.

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Jackie C.
On 6/8/2021 at 8:56 AM, Shay said:

For me it was that everything else I tried didn't work and that was an amazing amount of therapy with many different therapists that treated everything else BUT gender....

 

Wasn't a choice for me. It was face who I was on the inside or face the OTHER side if you know what I mean.

 

Hugs!

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LusciousTheLock

I didnt want to accept the truth. My counsellor essentially had to provide me proof.

 

I just thought I was insane lol

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@LusciousTheLock Thank you counsellor for giving us an amazing woman.

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For me, it was a dream.  A dream where I had a woman's face, but when I checked down south, I still had male parts.  In the dream, I shrugged it off as no bg deal, and went out to show the world m new face.  The dream sparked an internal revolution, where I realized I had spend two-thirds of my life expectancy playing at being male (even while vocally protesting that I just didn't get it!).  I knew I would live the rest of m life in regret if I didn't make an effort to be the woman in y dreams, who went out proud into the world despite not being completely female.

 

It has made all the difference.  I spent some time rejecting my masculinity wholesale, until I decided I was non-binary.  A strong feminine leaning, to be sure, but I am not wholly male or female.  If I could wave a magic wand, I would love to be a cis-girl, but there is no magic wand, and that dream made me feel like it would work for me to straddle  both worlds.  So far, it has.

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I think it came down to there was thing one thing that kept popping up that I new needed attention, and was harming me. So that is when I decided to start talking to my therapist about gender and asked the question of myself and to her, am I transgender. From there it has been a journey of self-discovery into who the real me is. I have historically dealt with pretty bad depression, and still combat social anxiety. The depression has become better, and the social anxiety has kind of gotten worse. Just learning though how to manage the social anxiety is becoming key. I am hoping my depression cycle this year that hits October won’t be as bad.

 

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Knowledge is power. Knowing your issues is the only way to face and conquer your issues. Congratulate yourself for all your progress.

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For me it was at a race track, dirt oval racing is my passion and I have been helping a father son team for the past couple of years on their race car's so a few months ago we were in north Texas at a race and the son and I decided that we needed to change the rear end gear in his car. This race car has what is called a quick change rear-end  so you can change the ratio quickly. So I am under this race car changing the gears and this female voice said to me I can do this just as good as you can. I was shocked looking around but no one was there and with out thinking out loud I said oh hush, and the driver says to me did you say something and I said just talking to your race car(note: we do that all the time) that experience pushed me to get with a therapist to find out who this mouthy girl was. Now that I am getting to know her I really like her and now I want to be her. After keeping her pushed back for 50+ years I am finding a real piece at letting myself be her.

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It was the possibility of having a male child. This didn't occur to me before our first was born (who I assumed would be a boy given family patterns) who turned out to be presumably a girl. I thought "what if he's like me?" and how to not discourage and shame, but support any "feminine interests." Then I thought what if this child, who unlike me would be raised in a loving, supportive, and progressive family was like me and certain they were trans. What if I had seen myself so clearly in this child who was from my perspective obviously a trans girl? Then I couldn't live with it any more.

 

then I thought, what if I saw myself in him and I felt more comfortable as a man than I thought possible? Too late! I had already just confirmed I was definitely not cis!

 

Then I went, "oh -crap-, I know NOTHING about boys!" I never was one, I have no idea what it's like to be one, how am I supposed to raise one?!

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