What tipped you off on being trans?

[Drake]

I bring this up, because I know a lot of people are really confused and have self-doubts. The main thing that tipped me off was that my inner monologue was male, and I pictured myself as a man. However, this was only most of the time, and my dysphoria was spotty. Turns out I fluctuate between masculine and androgynous, so I just identity as transmac to make it easy, since that's what I prefer most of the time. Also growing up as I teenager, I would try to make myself look as much like a man as possible without really thinking about it. Then I noticed my video game characters and my dungeons and dragons characters were also usually male. My favorite stuffed animal growing up was nonbinary, because I didn't feel the need to assign her a gender. There's lots of things that sort of tipped me off, I just wanted to make a space to share for those that are still questioning.

[Jackie C.]

7 hours ago, Drake said:

Then I noticed my video game characters and my dungeons and dragons characters were also usually male. My favorite stuffed animal growing up was nonbinary, because I didn't feel the need to assign her a gender.

 

That was one of my first clues too. I just felt COMFORTABLE being female.

 

Also, please respect your favorite stuffy's pronouns, unless they give you express permission to assign female pronouns, you should refer to them as, well, they/them. Stuffies have feelings too. (Obviously I'm joking about the last bit... mostly... it's good practice and in real life I stumble over they/them pronouns a LOT. I always apologize all over myself, then I drop my vigilance and it all comes crashing down again.)

 

Hugs!

[KaiTheGreater]

The first signs I remember are my bemoaning my lack of beard as a kid (lol), and getting sad while watching couples because I deeply resented that I could never be in the man's shoes, holding my wife in my arms (or so I thought). And as a kid I was always proud of being seen as boyish, because it was obviously better than the alternative option.

[Summerlithi]

Maaaaaaaaany years ago, can't remember where I was, who I was with, or why I was out. Just remember the guy at the train station calling me 'Sir' whilst trying to explain why we couldn't onto the platform right at that moment. I used to laugh about how I 'got a kick out of it' but the fact I continue to remember that otherwise unremarkable event, think about it, and enjoy the memory of being called 'sir' made me think, 'there must be something deeper going on here.' Took me the last five years to make an actual decision though.

Also the video game thing, looking back on it, yeah that scans. I haven't used my real name for a video game character since I was in primary school, and it didn't take long before all my characters were male if I had a choice. If there was a choice and a second save slot I might make one of each to check out all the customization options, but other than that 90% male.

[Ivy]

Welcome Summerlithi 

[Samuel William]

As a kid, though I didn’t have the words to express the idea of being trans, I had SUCH fixed ideas about what felt right and didn’t (short hair felt right, long hair didn’t; pants felt right; dresses didn’t), and also envied the boys I knew their anatomy because it felt like something I should have had, but didn’t.

 

Then followed a couple of decades of repression, because it felt like I just had to stop wanting that and be ‘realistic.’

 

As an adult, in the last few months, what’s really tipped me off is the things I keep getting random urges to Google. Stand to pee devices, packers, transition videos…I’m fairly sure 40 year old cis women don’t have the faintest interest in any of that (unless they happen to be trying to support a trans child, I suppose). And then, when I started taking baby steps towards choosing what felt right, it just confirmed everything: masculine underwear, ticking ‘male’ boxes on online survey forms, stuff like that. Every time I make one of those little choices, it feels so incredibly significant. 

[Jackie C.]

17 hours ago, HarryT said:

I’m fairly sure 40 year old cis women don’t have the faintest interest in any of that (unless they happen to be trying to support a trans child, I suppose)

 

They might if they hike or camp a lot. Squatting in the woods SUCKS. 😉

 

Hell, campground toilets... dicey toilets in general... my mother-in-law actually had one for when she and her husband would go on road trips to avoid planting her butt on dodgy facilities.

 

I utterly get what you're saying though. When I admitted to myself that I was trans, I must have watched the "how to" on penile inversion vaginoplasty a million times. The idea of getting what I was missing just felt so GOOD, y'know?

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

For me, it wasn't just one thing, it was a multitude of little things as I traveled through this life till finally it dawned on me. One of the first clues was when I was about 7 yrs. old my 2 older sisters and I got big teddy bears for Christmas. One pink, one tan, and mine, brown and tan. Of course, I wanted the pink one and wasn't satisfied till my oldest sister traded with me. Another older memory was when my two older sisters dressed me up in the cutest little yellow sun dress and walked me around the neighborhood. I loved it. At that age I looked a lot like Opie Taylor on the Andy Griffith show. I had orange banana curls. 

 

I've watched similar videos also, kind of like training. I was going to attempt a similar surgery on myself. Almost did. I'm going to leave it to the experts now. ❤️

[Ivy]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

I must have watched the "how to" on penile inversion vaginoplasty a million times. The idea of getting what I was missing just felt so GOOD, y'know?

Yeah.   I feel like my equipment is kinda inside-out.

But with my age and financial situation, I believe surgery is out of the picture.  I can live with it I guess.

[ashsfire]

I think I always knew, somehow, deep down inside. I never really knew the word "trans" existed until I got into college, and then my world exploded into chaos. Growing up, I was treated as a son by my dad and as a daughter by my mom, but both were totally fine with me doing all the "boy stuff" that most girls wouldn't want to do, so it took until middle school for it to really dawn on me that I wasn't a boy, and that was extremely upsetting, and from that moment on I knew I definitely didn't see myself as a girl. I figured there was something terribly wrong with me (I grew up in an extremely small, extremely backwoods town and there was no such thing as internet), so I tried to pretend and do the girly things while inwardly dying inside.

 

When I got into college, I was finally free to actually be myself, and that was amazing. That's when I learned about the term "trans" and have slowly been making changes ever since. I've since burned my high school pictures, but I remember looking at them right before I burned them, and it's kind of hilarious. I had pictures of me from stupid school dances, all dressed up for my boyfriend-at-the-time. I looked awkward as hell. Then I had pictures of me out in the woods with a close friend of mine, dressed in guy's clothes, and just looking completely happy and content. It's kind of interesting to me how even though I didn't seem to know exactly what was going on at the time, I knew what felt right and what made me me.

 

All of that was years and years ago. I still haven't officially really said anything to anyone, but I've slowly been making what changes I can afford. I keep my hair extremely short, I get to wear sexy guy clothes, I do the things that make me feel great...

 

On 1/31/2022 at 4:50 AM, Jackie C. said:

They might if they hike or camp a lot. Squatting in the woods SUCKS. 😉

 

Hell, campground toilets... dicey toilets in general... my mother-in-law actually had one for when she and her husband would go on road trips to avoid planting her butt on dodgy facilities.

 

HA! I am in the woods every weekend (camping, hiking, etc), and I used to work in the woods full time. I totally hear you there. Screw squatting. Not only is it a pain to find a place to do so without being seen, it can be so uncomfortable! Especially if it's snowing or raining 😂 Don't even get me started on campground toilets -shudder- I once had a friend who would call it "pants-down-hover-time" because she would absolutely not have her butt going anywhere near that toilet seat.

 

Right now, I'm saving up to buy myself an STP that I really want, and I am literally so excited about it that I do a little jig when I think about it 😆

[Jackie C.]

18 minutes ago, ashsfire said:

HA! I am in the woods every weekend (camping, hiking, etc), and I used to work in the woods full time. I totally hear you there. Screw squatting. Not only is it a pain to find a place to do so without being seen, it can be so uncomfortable! Especially if it's snowing or raining 😂 Don't even get me started on campground toilets -shudder- I once had a friend who would call it "pants-down-hover-time" because she would absolutely not have her butt going anywhere near that toilet seat.

 

It's why I work my quads. This girl can hover for as long as it takes.

 

Hugs!

[Davie]

Five years ago I got a new therapist. Her first words to me were "So what gender are you?" I was shocked. How could she ask that? I thought to fire her. Then I considered the question. Then I questioned my answer. She never asked me again, but I questioned my answer for a whole year. I came to love her. That question was my greatest gift. 

— Davie

[Jackie C.]

18 hours ago, Davie said:

Five years ago I got a new therapist. Her first words to me were "So what gender are you?" I was shocked. How could she ask that? I thought to fire her. Then I considered the question. Then I questioned my answer. She never asked me again, but I questioned my answer for a whole year. I came to love her. That question was my greatest gift. 

— Davie

 

I think my favorite question from my therapist was, "OK, what kind of woman is Jackie?"

 

Turns out that the answer was, "an amazing one." Go figure.

 

Hugs!

[SheenaT]

On 7/2/2021 at 6:54 AM, Drake said:

I bring this up, because I know a lot of people are really confused and have self-doubts. The main thing that tipped me off was that my inner monologue was male, and I pictured myself as a man. However, this was only most of the time, and my dysphoria was spotty. Turns out I fluctuate between masculine and androgynous, so I just identity as transmac to make it easy, since that's what I prefer most of the time. Also growing up as I teenager, I would try to make myself look as much like a man as possible without really thinking about it. Then I noticed my video game characters and my dungeons and dragons characters were also usually male. My favorite stuffed animal growing up was nonbinary, because I didn't feel the need to assign her a gender. There's lots of things that sort of tipped me off, I just wanted to make a space to share for those that are still questioning.

Not an easy answer. I would say the first time I questioned it was seeing another girl (we were very young) naked was when I realized I was not who I thought I was. Many many situations, feelings, desires, all lead up to finding out in my late 30's it had a name TRANSGENDER. A hard pill to swallow when raised quite conservative. 

[Ivy]

30 minutes ago, SheenaT said:

A hard pill to swallow when raised quite conservative. 

This held me back for most of my life.

[Vidanjali]

Finally realizing that the tremendous effort I made & pressure I felt & pain I inflicted on myself to perform as gender normative was neither normal nor natural...realizing that there was an alternative to performing...considering that it may be safe to let go of performing...feeling excited for the first time about the prospect of being myself. 

[stveee]

No one else got the memo from Trans HQ?

Huh.

Apparently there is a committee, voting, area reps...even an afternoon lunch is provided. The coffee, I heard is fantastic- potent, but not that Folgers stuff they sweep off the floor at the factory.

HQ is also where they do all the planning and strategics for forcing our agenda on mainstream society. Great bunch.

No lizard people involved though, lol, I mean, c'mon....don't be silly.

[Jackie C.]

11 minutes ago, stveee said:

No lizard people involved though

 

Aww.

 

Hugs!

[DeeDee]

I have a mental picture of a woman peeking out at me from the shadows every time I pass an alleyway or aisle in a shop saying, "pssst!" to try and get my attention. It just took me a while to notice her!

[Davie]

4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Turns out that the answer was, "an amazing one." Go figure.

 

Hugs!

I figure that answer is right.

Me? I still find myself at either, neither, or both—not that there's anything wrong with that.

— Davie

[Jani]

No Lizard people?  Ok @Jackie C. Maybe one!

 

Jani

[Jackie C.]

45 minutes ago, Jani said:

No Lizard people?  Ok @Jackie C. Maybe one!

 

Jani

 

I, for one, welcome the arrival of my reptilian overlords.

 

Hugs!

[Kelli]

On 1/30/2022 at 1:31 PM, Samuel William said:

As a kid, though I didn’t have the words to express the idea of being trans, I had SUCH fixed ideas about what felt right and didn’t (short hair felt right, long hair didn’t; pants felt right; dresses didn’t), and also envied the boys I knew their anatomy because it felt like something I should have had, but didn’t.

 

Then followed a couple of decades of repression, because it felt like I just had to stop wanting that and be ‘realistic.’

 

As an adult, in the last few months, what’s really tipped me off is the things I keep getting random urges to Google. Stand to pee devices, packers, transition videos…I’m fairly sure 40 year old cis women don’t have the faintest interest in any of that (unless they happen to be trying to support a trans child, I suppose). And then, when I started taking baby steps towards choosing what felt right, it just confirmed everything: masculine underwear, ticking ‘male’ boxes on online survey forms, stuff like that. Every time I make one of those little choices, it feels so incredibly significant. 

I'm in my early 30s and I'm doing this right now. Looking at packers, underwear, and binders. Also, thinking that most females don't do these searches online. 

[Ivy]

47 minutes ago, Kelli said:

Also, thinking that most females don't do these searches online. 

This is true.

As a rule, cis people don't do this.

[Drake]

Lol most women want to be women I suppose. I was always dying to be something else, literally anything else. I'd rather be an orange O__o