Online dating

[Dana Michelle]

 

I'm 39 years old and have no friends and have never dated. It is difficult for me to leave the house because of disability issues. I've been social distancing long before the pandemic started. I was thinking about trying to start dating once I have FFS, but I need to lose 50 pounds first and am having a lot of trouble. Lately I've been thinking that I might not want to wait until FFS to start dating. When I search ads online, I find a lot more bisexual and pansexual woman than lesbians. Maybe bisexual and pansexual women wouldn't have an issue with me still appearing male since they are attracted to both males and females. When I start dating, I plan to tell them from the beginning that I am transgender.

I find very few results in my local area, and I have difficulty with transportation because of my disability. I think I would prefer get to know each other online before meeting in person. I'm not sure very many people would be interested in starting to date online, but I really don't think it will be possible to find someone in my local area. One thing I worry about is if I contact someone, and they are not interested in me because of my situation, if it could prevent me from contacting them later if/when my situation changes. Some dating sites are set up so that someone pushes the decline button on someone who contacts them, the system will not allow them to make contact again. I also wonder that even if I could contact them again, the fact that I had once contacted them before would discourage them from being interested the second time, or if it would seem tacky to contact someone twice (even if it was months later).

I think it would be hard to find someone willing to date a 39 year old disabled, overweight, transgender person who is unemployed and lives with her parents. I also have political views that clash with a lot of people.

What does everyone think? Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I start online dating?

 

 

 

[Carolyn Marie]

I am not familiar with online dating, and can't offer any specifics, other than these two words:  Be.  Careful!

 

It is risky enough for cis gen, fully able bodied women to date via online apps.  More so for trans folk, who are often the prey of online predators, nutjobs, chasers and "admirers" who are more interested in what's in your pants than what's in your mind or your heart.  I don't recommend them.

 

Far safer methods of social interaction exist, even if your community doesn't have a lot of trans resources.  If you are able to leave the house, why not look into social clubs that interest you?  There are clubs for almost every interest, including books, going to movies, stamp collecting, sewing, pets, etc., etc.  It is a relatively safe space and doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol consumption, and you start off with people who share at least one, and perhaps many, interests in common.  Zoom clubs are probably also common. 

 

Lastly, if there is even one LGBT center around town, they probably have social groups or meet ups, and from what I have read here and elsewhere, finding a trans person of either gender is often results in real dating success.  I know of many folks IRL who dated or are married to another trans person.

 

I hope this helps.  We want you to be happy, as well as safe, and preferrably both. 

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Dana Michelle]

11 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Far safer methods of social interaction exist, even if your community doesn't have a lot of trans resources.  If you are able to leave the house, why not look into social clubs that interest you?  There are clubs for almost every interest, including books, going to movies, stamp collecting, sewing, pets, etc., etc.  It is a relatively safe space and doesn't involve copious amounts of alcohol consumption, and you start off with people who share at least one, and perhaps many, interests in common.  Zoom clubs are probably also common. 

 

Lastly, if there is even one LGBT center around town, they probably have social groups or meet ups, and from what I have read here and elsewhere, finding a trans person of either gender is often results in real dating success.  I know of many folks IRL who dated or are married to another trans person.

How would I find clubs in my area? I have searched meetup for clubs in my area and have not found much. I have also searched Google a lot to find other resources to find clubs and I have found nothing.

 

My experience with LGBT meetings is that people want to discuss political outrage. When I go somewhere to listen to people talk about how outraged they are that not everyone agrees with them, and I don't agree with them, it makes me feel more isolated.

[Dana Michelle]

12 hours ago, Carolyn Marie said:

It is risky enough for cis gen, fully able bodied women to date via online apps.  More so for trans folk, who are often the prey of online predators, nutjobs, chasers and "admirers" who are more interested in what's in your pants than what's in your mind or your heart.  I don't recommend them.

I'm only interested in dating women. Is it common for women to prey on transgender women online? I also would want to meet on video chat before meeting in person to verify that any pictures they show me are pictures of them, and not men using a woman's picture to take advantage of people.

[Red_Lauren.]

Honestly online dating was horrible as a man, and I was trying to find a woman. I have trans friendly dating apps, but I refuse to pay what ever they want. With out paying they are completely useless. On top of only getting male attention. When I state not in to men in my profiles. I get more messages from men then woman, or trans woman. 

 

I'm taken though, so the dating apps aren't useful to me.