Hi Everyone :) (MTF)

[RachelGoods90]

Hi Everyone,

 

Thanks for accepting me as a new member of the forum.  I only recently started MTF GAHT (or HRT if you prefer) and laser hair removal. I'm in my early 30's but I realized I was trans since High School, or maybe earlier. I was raised in a pretty conservative household so I repressed this realization until a little over a year ago. I feel like I was trying to stay as a boy just to make other's happy basically but I finally came to the conclusion that my happiness matters too actually lol.  I think the main things that held me back from transitioning earlier are that used to feel like it was selfish to transition (but why would it hurt anyone anyways? like, some damaged pride or something I guess) and I also used to think that I would never be passable (I'm 6'2"). I'm over those hurdles now, and I'm making slow progress on my journey, finally as the correct gender.

 

More about me: My ex-wife supported me expressing my feminine side while we were dating but I didn't really accept that I was trans while we were still together. She wound up dating trans girls after we broke up. Then I finally started accepting that I'm trans as I was single and could focus more on myself. I always knew but I finally started accepting it and started feeling like it's actually okay to be trans. I started dating an MTF trans girl and she has been really supportive of my transition (not pushy about it but supportive). I'm not out to many people as of yet but the people that I've come out to have been really supportive so far.  Everyone knows I date a trans girl but not many know that I'm trans too though lol. Anyway, I hope everyone is having a nice day!

 

Thanks Again!

Rachel

[Charlize]

Welcome Rachel, glad you've joined us.  I was much like you in not wanting to "hurt" others.  Instead i hurt myself for years and lied about my issues.  Fortunately today i am able to live as myself and am still with those i love and who fortunately still love me.  Being here and sharing helped me on that journey.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[RachelGoods90]

Thanks for your reply Charlize.  I still only live as myself around certain people out of fear of coming out to some of the people I love. I'm still pretty early on in my journey though. Your response is pretty reminiscent of what my cousin said when I came out to him. His mom is a lesbian and he was saying all those years of her trying to hide that about herself only hurt her and when she came out about it nobody treated her differently or anything. I guess I have that in common with his mom/my aunt now. We're both lesbians basically. 

 

Thanks again!

Rachel 

[Delcina B]

Welcome Rachael! You described my earlier life perfectly, the knowing early on, repressing & thinking living as who I am inside is selfish. I think you'll find the loving support, advice & acceptance here as I have.

[Ivy]

Welcome Rachel

I can identify with much of your story.

[Kelly2509]

On 9/10/2021 at 8:46 PM, RachelGoods90 said:

I still only live as myself around certain people out of fear of coming out to some of the people I love.

I totally get this!  I'm in the same boat, only my close family knows and I'm not out at work. I'm at almost 9 months myself, I still consider myself in the early stages.

[RachelGoods90]

Thanks so much for the replies Delcina, Jandi, and Kelly!  I definitely still consider myself in the early stages as well, and It's so nice to find some solidarity in all of this.

[Susan R]

On 9/10/2021 at 5:46 PM, RachelGoods90 said:

I still only live as myself around certain people out of fear of coming out to some of the people I love. I'm still pretty early on in my journey though.

Hello @RachelGoods90. I’m so glad you’re finally helping yourself and doing you’ve always deserved..to become fully who you are. I know it’s still early but with the wonderful support that you’ve placed around yourself, I have no doubt that you’ll get there very soon. It is a journey that requires a lot of time and patience as so many parts of it are out of our control. I can attest to that much. The journey seems to crawl sometimes but in the end, I believe you’ll be much happier and feel so much more freedom. You have so much to look forward to and I am glad you’re here to share it.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Aoife]

hi rachel! always good to see some other girls in their 30s here! ?

[RachelGoods90]

On 9/13/2021 at 9:33 PM, Susan R said:

The journey seems to crawl sometimes but in the end, I believe you’ll be much happier and feel so much more freedom.

Hi @Susan R. I sort of have a love/hate relationship with how slow things happen with my transition (being on GAHT). I guess it's nice that I can still easily present as a cis male to my coworkers and some family members that I'm not ready to come out to; but then I'll come home after work and sort of wish things moved along faster lol. I'm totally looking forward to (and I like to imagine) when I'll feel more confident and when I'm out to everyone. The freedom (like you mentioned) is a very powerful source of motivation for me to continue coming out to friends/family and something that I greatly desire. 

[RachelGoods90]

Hi @Aoife.  I really like the diverse age range on this site. It's neat to get the perspective of girls that have moved a bit further along in their transition than me. I do agree with you though that it is pretty nice to see other girls in their 30s here!  

[Susan R]

On 9/14/2021 at 9:33 PM, RachelGoods90 said:

Hi @Susan R. I sort of have a love/hate relationship with how slow things happen with my transition (being on GAHT).

Rachel, It seems so much slower for me during covid too. It has caused soooo many delays. I hope you have better luck than I as of late.

 

My Best,

Susan R?