Self-doubt

[Jazz-per]

Sometime yesterday I was watching just some videos of people transitioning (ftm and mtf) and kind of got struck by the strong realization that this is real. Very very real. I know I'm trans. I know I would be miserable living as a girl and yet that terrified me yesterday. Even today I woke up to an anxiety attack right off the bat. I know at least a tiny bit is religious guilt, but the rest... I just don't know. Maybe its just uncertainty, but is this really what I want? If I was a braver kid I could technically go an look at getting T without my parents knowing... but... I'm not. I want to transition. I want to be true to myself, but I'm scared of it. Then on the other hand I'm equally as scared of staying as is. I know what I feel. I know it's real, yet I still doubt myself. Does anyone have any tips on combatting that feeling?

[DeeDee]

Break down where the anxiety comes from. Fear of the unknown is a powerful paralyser.

For me there were two distinct areas

1>rejection from my children (which hasn't happened)

2>rejection from my colleagues. 

I have lived my life trying to fit in and fly under the radar and I know that my transition is not going to let me do that, I work as a minister in a mainline faith community so it will be polarising.

The way I have gotten past the fear to contine is by knowing I am raising my kids to accept that they are exactly the way they are meant to be, and not feel a need to change for anyone. How can I say that if I am not willing to live my life that way?

As for my work, discovering the sheer number of people rejected by family, friends and their churches when we were commanded to love one another without any conditions over the last few years has literally broken my heart and will inform what I do moving forwards. That far outweighs taking crap because someone has been indocrinated to be bigotted.

 

Once you name your fears you can overcome them. When do you feel the most at peace inside?

Good luck with your journey!

[Charlize]

Anxiety about being honest about who we are is something we all go through.  I know i did.  Being here and seeing a gender therapist helped me find a path to self acceptance.  I do not know your home situation but an increasing number of parents are accepting.  Simply hiding and taking T is dangerous and you may well not achieve the results you seek.  Please be safe.  It may seem that you "must" transition now but many folks wait until they have become secure out of their parents home.

Time often gave me answers and showed a safe path.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[TrIIIy]

There's no hurry to start transitioning -right now- if you are feeling uneasy about the situation or are unable to transition yet. There's nothing wrong with taking your time and exploring your options and what you want to do in the future. Living with your parents when you want to start transitioning can possibly be a barrier, but you really won't know unless you talk with them about it. Which you don't have to do if you feel unsafe. However, it is very unsafe to self-medicate with hormones, so please don't take any backroads to get on T.

My personal recommendation would be to talk to your parents after you feel more comfortable with it yourself.

[stveee]

The path to true belief in one's self is sometimes riddled with doubt- faith and doubt, two seemingly opposing sides, when seen from a more "centered" point of view. ..they actually are interdependant, they nurture each other.

It's a riddle, but a common one. It is a part of the path, so know you are not at fault for doubting. It takes great courage to question and inquire of yourself! 

Progress does not always feel like going forward. Becoming is often quite painful. Have faith that your heart and True Self is leading the way, although our minds cannot comprehend it. 

[DonkeySocks]

On 9/16/2021 at 4:56 AM, Jazz-per said:

Sometime yesterday I was watching just some videos of people transitioning (ftm and mtf)

 This might be part of what sent you into an emotional spiral. Videos of people doing something that really pulls you toward it, but you're not ready yet to begin. You don't have to doubt that you're trans, just because you're not at a certain level of transitioning.