Week 5 HRT - Mood Swings or Rough Week?

[Saoirse 2]

Just wondering if my sense of "I'm OK" swinging rapidly to a pessimistic sense that "transitioning for me is pointless" is more the E talking than the rough moments with my wife this week.

 

Honestly, I was feeling great or at least confident I could get through anything until this week. If this is E, is this downward mood swing going to be weekly following my injection cycle? That thought is overwhelming!

 

Hoping I feel better again in the morning.

 

 

[Guest]

Give yourself a few months before you start to attribute changes to HRT. I’m sorry you’ve been having trouble. 

[Kelly2509]

Week 5 is still relatively fresh in my mind (I just hit 10 months on injections) and looking back at myself I would say what you're going through is most likely just a rough patch with just a touch of hormone swing.  Those first couple months can be tumultuous as far as relationships go and as far as feeling like you'll just never get there (I had/have a LOT of imposter syndrome).  I had a lot of weeks those first 3 months or so where I would swing from "this is great" to "this is pointless".  I was having a rough time with my partner and I couldn't see "her" in the mirror yet so things would get me down pretty easily.  That said, I did tend to have "down days" the day before my next injection, so while I think it was just rough times for the most part I think that did contribute a little bit.

 

The good news is if you're patient (and this journey is ALL about patience) you should be in a better place in a few weeks.  Once I hit 3 months things started to improve mood-wise, once I hit 8 months I've started seeing "her" more often and as time has gone on my partner has come around a bit and things have smoothed out so my outlook has definitely improved over time.

 

One way I dealt with those early months was I increased the frequency of my therapy sessions and my therapist would reel me in when I started getting too "out there".  I know not everyone has the ability to do that, I just had some favorable circumstances that allowed me to.  We totally need a hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy type handbook that just says "Don't Panic" on the cover.  

[Saoirse 2]

Thank you! It may be too early to think Estrogen is contributing, but I really appreciate your understanding and supportive answers. It really helps me to know I can continue.

 

Imposter syndrome? Yes, frequently

 

Seeing her in the mirror?

Only if I close my eyes (or focus on small parts)

 

But most of all wanting to bring my wife with me. It's hard to think I may lose her after 32 years.

 

Thanks again!

 

[Heather Shay]

@Nimue all you responses I can relate to especially your wife. I've been married to a wonderful woman for 29 years and the wear and tear of the past 1-1/2 years since starting HRT has been incredibly hard on our relationship and there's still no telling whether our marriage will survive but I'm doing all I can to stay true to my path and being as truthful honest and helpful to hopefully have her stay the course.

Hugs

Heather

[Heather Shay]

@Nimue getting back to your initial question. Yes it is normal to have your inner dictator telling you you can't do this. My therapist has helped me understand Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). A wonderful book that explains your primitive survival instincts and how to defuse bias The Happiness Trap" by Russ Harris. Easy to understand and extremely helpful.you can get cheap used one at Amazon.

[Saoirse 2]

Well, I'm now just past 12 weeks, and I have to agree that the rough times were not driven by Estrogen. If anything, I have found, so far, that E helps me stay on a more positive and even keel.

 

I suspect everyone's experience with emotional changes are different and develop at different rates. And at this stage I am still very new to E and it may be many more months, possibly even years before I can say definitively how E affects me emotionally.

 

Physical changes are ongoing and so incredibly relieving! I realize now that my "rapid" breast growth was not nearly as rapid as I thought. But the slightest change early in does seem huge after 59 years of knowing your body in its AMAB form. So now I definitely fill A cup bras now and I am hopeful that I will see more development in the future.

 

I won't go through any more detail,unless asked. But I just feel so fortunate to be able to experience meaningful changes to my outward presentation if my true self this late in life!

 

Considering previous negative or panicked posts I have made, I did want to share a positive aspect of my transition so far and thank everyone for their patience and support!

 

Many return hugs!

 

Nimue

[Guest]

The longer you block T and have E the more evident it becomes. I’m just over 9 months and I’m happy with the progress at my young age of 52. It really helped me to do a lot of YouTube research to learn if other opinions and experiences. This allowed me to temper my excitement and expectations and helped me in the patience department. I’m happy you have found some peace and clarity in your journey.

[Kelly2509]

Glad to hear things are looking up @Nimue!