Hi everybody!

[Annette]

Hi, this is Annette.

It only took me 53 years to get here ?

 

I'm in the early stages of my MtF transition now. Looking back, life has been kind of preparing me for this current journey. I was born on the other side of the Iron Curtain. Then, in my youth, lived through the collapse of the communist system. I guess that counts as one transition.

I emigrated to Canada in late 1990s. The emigration was like another transition, scary and exciting in many ways.

Since then, I've had multiple jobs in IT, with each new job being like a mini-transition ?

Of course, none of those experiences were exactly like the current transition. But at least I know what it feels like to start a new life and learn the new ways.

 

To be sure, it hasn't been painless. I was bullied as a child, mostly for walking and talking "like a girl." It was hard to understand what I was doing wrong at that age, I was just being myself.

Then came the age when boys and girls started playing separately, and I got the first taste of loneliness.

I couldn't commit to a relationship and has never been married. To avoid dealing with identity issues, I've launched myself in the spells of many "avoidance activities": working crazy hours, buying things, exercising to the point of exhaustion, etc. Needless to say, none of that has helped.

I have come out to myself a while back. The big revelation about my gender identity happened around 20 years ago. On the internet, I came across the life story of Lynn Conway and was completely blown away. There was a highly successful and respected individual who just happened to be born in the wrong body. So, oh my god, the transgender people were not just some sad individuals with exotic mental problems living on the edges of the society (my best guess I got this notion from mass culture ?).

So, the feelings that I've had with various intensity for most of my life, were valid. It took a bit of time, but the true identity did sink in and I have accepted myself. I thought of transitioning right there and then, but then I've got cold feet. There were excuses, of course. At the time, there were not nearly as many TG resources available. And also, various life events have interfered. So, I decided to continue my "male" life to the best of my abilities for as long as I can.

 

Last year, my dad passed away, then pandemic happened, and I decided that I had enough living a pretend life. 

I haven't started the medical transition yet. Still need to get a clean(ish) bill of health from my family doctor. And all medical things take much longer during the pandemic.

But I've already had several psychological consults. It didn't take long for the therapist to confirm my "suspicions" and to give me a reference. Now I'm doing voice training, going through facial electrolysis, and trying to learn the infinite ways of the feminine wardrobe, makeup, and presentation. The latter seems like a life-long exercise ?

 

I'm looking forward to have interesting conversations, share experiences, and maybe meet new friends.

 

Cheers and Happy Halloween everybody!

 

P.S. Sorry for the imperfect English, it is my third language ?

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Annette.  Welcome!  Congratulations on understanding yourself and getting your transition started! 

 

No need to apologize for your English.  It is excellent.

 

You will find that there are many people here who can relate to your story.  Your description of your awakening resonates with me: my experience was very similar.

 

Regards,

Kathy

 

 

[Annette]

Thank you Kathy!

It's good to know I'm not alone ?

[Susan R]

Welcome @Annette, Thank you for joining our ‘big happy family’ here at TransgenderPulse. At least, that’s part of what we are all striving for…happiness!!

 

7 hours ago, Annette said:

It took a bit of time, but the true identity did sink in and I have accepted myself.

Well you’re way ahead of me, Annette. I was 56 when I finally accepted my identity and started moving forward. You have plenty of quality years left to become true to yourself. It’s a difficult but extremely fulfilling journey.

 

7 hours ago, Annette said:

Last year, my dad passed away, then pandemic happened, and I decided that I had enough living a pretend life.

My condolences for your Dad’s passing. I call these “life is too short” triggers. I had the same thing happen to me in 2017 with the passing of my very close younger brother. I knew life was too short when that happened. I saw my own mortality looming closer and didn’t want to pass without living at least part of it authentically. Also, I didn’t want to pass without my loving wife knowing who I really was. At that trigger moment, nothing else seemed as important as accepting my real self and dealing with it like you have. I believe you’ll be much happier in the end for what you’re doing for yourself.

 

Thank you again for sharing here with us today a little about yourself. Hope to read more about you soon.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Heather Shay]

@Annette welcome and so happy to meet you. What Susan indicated goes for me as well.

Heather

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Annette,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf?

[Charlize]

Welcome Annette.  Im glad you joined us here.  I also remember the time the girls and boys were separated and somehow i bhad to go with the wrong group.  63 years later i started rejoining the girl group and the last almost 10 years has been wonderful especially now as i gain comfort in simply being myself.

My time here helped me a great deal so i'm glad you found us.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Delcina B]

Welcome Annette! Glad you are here. Acceptance was the key for me as well after decades of hating & hiding how I felt. I'm happy you found this journey of gender.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Ivy]

Welcome Annette

[Annette]

14 hours ago, Susan R said:

I call these “life is too short” triggers.

So true Susan! Moments like these cast your whole life in a different light. And for me, that light put in sharp relief the fact that I've been living a "half-life." Which, in turn, brought up the question: "Is it worth it?" And my answer to that was a definite NO. 

 

Thank you for the kind words and for welcoming me to the happy place ?

[Annette]

Thank you everybody for welcoming me here!

It feels very validating to be called by my new name. As someone who hasn't come out socially, that matters a good deal.

Warm fuzzies all over after reading your messages ?

[Deanna Celia M]

21 hours ago, Annette said:

Now I'm doing voice training, going through facial electrolysis, and trying to learn the infinite ways of the feminine wardrobe, makeup, and presentation. The latter seems like a life-long exercise ?

@AnnetteYes I know how overwhelming it all can be!! I feel like I need to enroll in trans university or something!

 

Welcome here and congratulations on finding your real self!

[Annette]

On 10/31/2021 at 2:12 PM, Deanna Celia M said:

I feel like I need to enroll in trans university

LOL! I think I will be ok with a bachelor's degree in femininity. Have to keep the goals real, right? 

Thank you Deanna! ?