Period Dysphoria?

[Sol]

Hello, I'm Sol!

I only started thinking that I wasn't a "girl" (AFAB) recently over these past couple of months because my whole life I never really dedicated any thought to gender and how that related to myself. I've started getting this suspicion that I might be trans, as I'm vastly more comfortable with more masculine pronouns and being called a girl, lady, or woman has started to feel off and kind of demeaning? I've already posted about instances where I became upset or uncomfortable about certain body parts or pronouns (I sometimes want my breasts completely gone and I started talking to my dad about how being called a girl or she/her is starting to really stand out and I almost started crying), and one of those major things is my period. Since I've gotten it, I've always felt anxious and uncomfortable with the entire thing. Pads are super uncomfortable and I got the heavy flow overnight ones just so I don't have to change it more than twice a day, and I'm always hyper aware of its existence even when I'm sitting down. Tampons are okay until I start noticing them, which is when I start getting really uncomfortable and sometimes I'm aware of every little movement. I've described my period as feeling wrong and unnatural in a way I have a hard time explaining, but I want to try explaining it because it may help me in the future and in therapy. 

I always felt like my period was some sort of roadblock, and something holding me back whenever I got it. I couldn't do the things I wanted to do and at one point, the cramps got so bad I had to leave school and go home. Thankfully, that hasn't happened since, but fingers crossed it won't happen ever again. I started looking up things like birth control and even sterilization when I was in middle school because I knew I just wanted the period gone. I've been discouraged about sterilization later in life because apparently menopause feels really bad, but I would take hot flashes (which I already get due to anxiety) over feeling a weird pressure under my skin. My whole body feels bloated in a way and it causes this strange floaty experience where I don't feel fully present in my body. It's like I'm too big for it and I've started pushing on the skin from the inside. 

I think this might be dysphoria, but I'm really not sure and I feel like I'm not fully qualified to answer that question myself. Has anyone else felt similar before?

[DonkeySocks]

This could be dysphoria but it could also be abnormal periods that could be addressed medically. However, it could also be typical periods and the way you respond emotionally to the cramps is to feel kind of out-of-body. It used to happen to me, when I didn't just get downright sick. Don't hesitate to talk to a doctor if you are concerned about anything to do with your period. Any doctor you see, including if you get a referral to a gynecologist, it's totally okay for you to tell them you are potentially trans and that you have emotional problems with having conventionally female-type examinations.

On 11/12/2021 at 8:41 PM, Sol said:

I always felt like my period was some sort of roadblock, and something holding me back whenever I got it. I couldn't do the things I wanted to do and at one point, the cramps got so bad I had to leave school and go home.

Unfortunately, this is common for persons of any gender identity who have periods. The bleeding and cramps can be debilitating. Again, don't hesitate to talk to your doctor, but also have patience with yourself and your cycle, because it sucks and there isn't necessarily an easy way to control it.

 

Birth control pills that regulate the bleeding can have some nasty side effects, but for some people they do work. It'll be difficult to get surgical intervention if you're young, since doctors won't believe that young people know what they want.

 

And it's a fact that period pads are uncomfortable. Can you snag some cheap or free cotton, such as old T-shirts, someplace, and cut bits from those, to line your pads with? It makes it much more comfortable to wear them, when you have cotton actually against your skin. I suggested free pieces of cotton because I presume that with your discomfort with thinking about the whole thing, you would want to discard the cotton fabric and not wash and re-use. (That sounds gross but in practice it works fine as long as you rinse them well in cold water before adding to a regular load of laundry.) And make sure you're not using those pads with the plastic-type, non-breathable stuff against your skin. Use the ones with a soft-feeling material. If I recall correctly, Always has the awful plastic and Kotex has the better-feeling soft stuff. Try different brands. Even with the softer ones, adding a soft material on top of it can help, especially since then you can fold it over when it gets uncomfortable. If you don't have easy access to fabric, try thrift shops that sell clothes out of discount bins. Then the period pads do the waterproofing because of the plastic underside, but you have more comfort.

[Sol]

I haven't thought about putting cotton over the pads before, @DonkeySocks, but I'll definitely try it. I do have an old cotton shirt that I don't wear, so I'll use that as a test run and I'll see about trying a different brand. I use StayFree, but the plastic on the sides is really uncomfortable and anything without wings are just bulky and hard to wrangle.

As for bad periods, mine are relatively tame (cramps only on the first day, heavy flow on the second and only lasting five days instead of seven). I should probably go to a gynecologist anyway, and I want to try birth control because it could potentially give me more control over how I feel. And I don't expect to have a surgical intervention for the next few years at minimum, because a lot of women and AFAB people tend to have a lot of problems when trying to get it. From what I know, it is a lot of 

20 hours ago, DonkeySocks said:

doctors won't believe that young people know what they want

 and general sexism about "What if you want kids when you're older?" or the (what I consider to be) worse "You don't have enough kids," if the person in question already has a child. 

I already know that I never want to become pregnant at all (I find the whole thing riddled with more cons than pros and it's very damaging to the body as a whole), but I know that I'll most likely have to fight to get someone to listen to me when that time does come. 

[DonkeySocks]

On 11/14/2021 at 4:39 PM, Sol said:

I should probably go to a gynecologist anyway, and I want to try birth control because it could potentially give me more control over how I feel.

Yes, and while the exam will possibly be uncomfortable dysphoria-wise, the gynecologist should be respectful and not give off any bigoted vibes, and if you want to for any reason, you can ask your GP to refer you to a different gynecologist the next time. I hope, though, that the first one you get gives you good information about meds and is a good listener.

 

On 11/14/2021 at 4:39 PM, Sol said:

I use StayFree, but the plastic on the sides is really uncomfortable and anything without wings are just bulky and hard to wrangle.

Ugh, I know! The wings fold up wrong or come unglued, and irritate your skin. Unfortunately you can't wrap the soft cotton around, or the flow will follow it, so wing-flaps are a necessary evil.

 

On 11/14/2021 at 4:39 PM, Sol said:

and general sexism about "What if you want kids when you're older?" or the (what I consider to be) worse "You don't have enough kids," if the person in question already has a child. 

I already know that I never want to become pregnant at all (I find the whole thing riddled with more cons than pros and it's very damaging to the body as a whole), but I know that I'll most likely have to fight to get someone to listen to me when that time does come. 

You will have an uphill road advocating for yourself. But it is worth it to try and to keep on showing your doctors that you know your own mind and have done your homework on all this.