Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Straight cis woman dating m-f partner


Heather0585

Recommended Posts

Hi everyone! I'm new here seeking advice, insights, resources, etc, for navigating the world of dating someone who is trans. I'm 36 and have always identified myself as an open minded straight cis woman. I've also been an LGBTQIA? ally pretty much my whole life. My dating and relationship history up until this point has entirely been heteronormative. Recently I met the most amazing m-f woman and my world got flipped upside down in all the best ways possible. ? I'm looking to connect with anyone who has had a similar experience, whether it be a cis person who has been in a relationship with someone trans or vice versa. Thanks in advance and I'm looking forward to chatting with you all!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Well, a lot of us have (or had) partners from before we came out who identify as straight. My own spouse is an excellent example. Full disclaimer: This is my situation and my observations. They don't apply to everyone.

 

Romantically you'll need to be more on your game than you would be with a cis-man. She likes attention and being romanced just as much as you do. She might also want you to be the "aggressive" partner from time to time. There's also a certain amount of "best friend with benefits" going on.

 

On the plus side, communication. Both of you are fully able to communicate your wants and needs. Use that. Your partner might need a minute to realize that she CAN communicate her wants and needs (if she was socialized male... well, actually TALKING out your problems isn't allowed).

 

In the bedroom. Here's where that whole ability to communicate comes in. Tell your partner what she wants and encourage her to do the same. Hopefully she'll be as into it as you are and... well, lesbian sessions tend to last way longer than what you get with cis/het men. My spouse had no idea she was living the good life. I always thought sex was SUPPOSED to last a couple of hours because I never compared notes with anyone else. I mean, why would you? That's private.

 

So yeah, that's us. My spouse currently identifies as straight plus me and I'm fine with that. 

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
On 11/15/2021 at 6:06 PM, Heather0585 said:

? I'm looking to connect with anyone who has had a similar experience, whether it be a cis person who has been in a relationship with someone trans or vice versa.

Hello Heather, It’s a pleasure to read your post here. It’s not as common to have significant others at any point as active here, looking for answers. Jackie, as always, has given you some good advice. There are some additional specifics that I can recall in my own journey that would have helped my fully supportive spouse when I came out to her 3 years ago.

 

Transition is very fluid. Your partner may know where they want they want early on….but not everyone knows right out of the gate. So if you ask your partner, are you going to transition medically, surgically or just live and present as a woman part time or full time, their answer today might change a year from now. Mine did. Also, in these difficult times with a pandemic, many like myself, can be frustrated when things don’t go as planned with one’s transition. Timelines change. Relationships can change and struggles can ensure between family, friends and coworkers. Appointments, surgeries, expectations, etc…can be delayed or even canceled and that can make a transitioning partner struggle and sometimes become more emotional. Giving a partner a little extra grace and having a little more patience is a big plus for you both. Transition will be, at times, difficult for them just as it is for the significant other.

 

I don’t want to sound like the world comes to an end because that is not my intention. I am a realist and I like to tell it like it is. It is a difficult road and many can’t handle it but with love and a great deal of open communication relationships can blossom into something wonderful. I can tell you that my relationship with my wife is strongest it’s been during our entire 23 years of marriage. Many things have changed for my wife, she made adjustments along the way and now we are in a much better place. She had support of family and a few close friends which helped. So if you love this person now, transition can make this person even better and most importantly…happier.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment

Thank you both for replying! I want to preface by saying I'm still not sure what some terminology is yet, so if I say something wrong or off putting, please correct me. ? Your insight has been helpful! In my specific situation I would say I'm lucky, I met her while she is already transitioning. (At this point she has been on hormones for 2 years and has had top surgery. No plans on bottom surgery, but that could change farther down the road.) This is who she is now. Her transition wasn't "sprung" on me or anything. I guess for me, I am looking for ideas and insight as to help make sure she feels supported as a woman, even though her masculine qualities attracted me as well. I like the whole package! I've only sexually been with cis men. I'm just trying to navigate how to make sure her feminity is respected and appreciated, especially in intimate moments. Kinda like, I don't want to be seen for just my boobs or my butt, even though I know that that's what some find attractive. I don't want her to think that her penis is what I care about, even though at this point in dating I kinda really like it. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Oh well, that one's easy. Treat her like any other women you might find yourself dating. One of the best things I've experienced since transitioning is just being one of the girls.

 

If her genitals give her dysphoria, don't bring them up. Personally, I'd straight-up ask. I was pretty ambivalent about mine, but I'm much happier with them gone. However, I know girls who really dislike them and girls who are just fine with them. We're all different.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

You could too, Susan! I welcome all the insight and support I can get. She is very supportive of the fact that I am straight and have no experience with this. She deserves, and is totally worth, any work it takes on my part to make sure she feels supported and accepted as well. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, Heather0585 said:

Would you mind PMing me, Jackie? (I haven't unlocked that feature yet.) 

 

You've got ONE more post before your PM feature is unlocked. Almost there...

 

Or, I'd love to, but it's not going to help until you post again. ?

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Okie dokie! Being honest, I've never been a part of a forum before either so I'm super out of my element here. Kinda love it though, I'm already learning a lot! I know so far I've only interacted with 3 people on here but it's the most welcome and accepted I've felt in a long time! ❤️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi, Heather.  I am in a similar position to Jackie: I am still married to my wife from before my transition.  I just want to thank you for being open and for reaching out to help you support your partner.

 

I don't have much advice for you about bedroom stuff, though.  We are both seniors - 'nuff said. ;)

Link to comment
1 hour ago, KathyLauren said:

Hi, Heather.  I am in a similar position to Jackie: I am still married to my wife from before my transition.  I just want to thank you for being open and for reaching out to help you support your partner.

 

I don't have much advice for you about bedroom stuff, though.  We are both seniors - 'nuff said. ;)

Hi KathyLauren! Thank you for reaching out! I'm enjoying getting to know you all. Honestly just chatting and getting your perspectives is helping greatly. Hearing about your struggles through your transitions make me want hug you all. ❤️ That's mainly why I'm here. My partner and I haven't been dating very long and I want to do everything I can to help her transition be as easy as possible, starting now. Talking to others who have transitioned gives me insight into what the process is like from the other side so I can love her best through this.

 

I think I've got most of the bedroom stuff mostly covered. ? Your comment made me chuckle so I had to respond to it. I love a good sense of humor. ?

Link to comment

Just asking and knowing where your partner wants to go with her transition can go a long way in reliving a lot of stress in the relationship. Just be respectful of each others Ideas and feelings surrounding her transition. be as open and honest as you can. It will be difficult at times but there is a lot of good that can come out of a relationship like this one.  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 140 Guests (See full list)

    • EasyE
    • Betty K
    • KayC
    • MaeBe
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.5k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,029
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Selkimur
    Newest Member
    Selkimur
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. BraxtonLee
      BraxtonLee
      (26 years old)
    2. Bryanna
      Bryanna
      (45 years old)
    3. Jayde1
      Jayde1
    4. Mireya
      Mireya
      (66 years old)
    5. Shellianne_Kay83
      Shellianne_Kay83
      (41 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mirrabooka
      Voting is compulsory here, for better or worse. Would doing the same in the US snap people out of their apathy?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I am noting you use CRT terminology.  The comment is not out of the blue.  Some of your remarks on religion suggest atheism.  So it is believable that you are a Marxist, knowingly or not.  Are you?
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Congrats to your family on the new addition!
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Funny you think that I would be able to get through more than two sentences with how bad my stutter gets (joking, of course)   My topic would probably be mythology, random Japan factoids in my mind, or a favorite story   (Best option would be a fave story of mine including a lot of factoids on Japanese myths-)
    • Willow
      Congratulations @ivy. Nothing beats a family growing two feet at a time!
    • April Marie
      I read each of your entries and learn so much. Thank you, especially, for the TransCentralPA info. I have been looking fora group and activities where I could express myself safely and with support. I missed this year's conference but next year might be possible and I am going to look at their other events, too.
    • April Marie
      Leadership and Management, the differences and similarities between the two as well as the applications of military leadership principles across the spectrum of professions.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I have read numerous accounts of trans folk no longer being welcome among evangelicals.   I am here for help and fellowship not to rebuke anyone.  I can take a pretty high degree of insult, etc., and you haven't insulted me, to my recollection anyway :) and I usually let it go.  But I thought I would let it all out there.   I am sure I disagree with you on numerous issues.  I appreciate other people's viewpoints, including those who radically disagree with me.  Intellectual challenge is good. One thing I appreciate about @MaeBe.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Congrats!
    • Sally Stone
      Post 8 “The Ohio Years” We moved to Pittsburgh because of the job with US Airways.  The job involved classroom instruction and simulator training, but no actual flying, so I kept looking for an actual pilot position.  A year after signing on with US Airways I got hired to fly business jets.  The company was located in Cleveland, Ohio, but I was flown commercially from my home in Pittsburgh to where my aircraft was located, making it unnecessary to live near company headquarters.    My flight scheduled consisted of eight days on duty with seven days off.  Having seven days off in a row was great but being gone from home eight days in a row was difficult.  For the first few years the flying was fun, but after a while the eight flying days in a row, were taking their toll on me.  Those days were brutal, consisting of very long hours and a lot of flying time.  Usually, I came home exhausted and need three days just to recover from the work week.  Flying for a living is glamorous until you actually do it.  Quickly, it became just a job.    After five years as a line captain, I became a flight department manager, which required we live near company headquarters.  That meant a move to Cleveland.  Working in the office meant I was home every night but as a manager, the schedule was still challenging.  I would work in the office all week and then be expected to go out and fly the line on weekends.  I referred to it as my “5 on 2 on” schedule, because it felt as though I had no time off at all.   About the same time, we moved to Cleveland, my wife and I became “empty nesters,” with one son in the military and the other away at college.  Sadly, my work schedule didn’t leave much time for Sally.  Add to the fact that while Cleveland is an awesome city, I just never felt comfortable expressing my feminine side.  Most of my outings, and believe me there weren’t enough, occurred while I was on vacation and away from home.   One of the most memorable outings occurred over a long weekend.  I had stumbled across an online notice for a spring formal being held in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, hosted by a local trans group there.  I reached out to Willa to see if she was up for an excellent adventure.  She was, so I picked her up and we drove to Harrisburg together.    The formal was held on Saturday evening and we had the absolute best time.  It turned out that organizers were a group named TransCentralPA.  Everyone was wonderful and I made a lot of new friends that evening.  We learned the spring formal was one of the group’s annual events but for the following year, instead of a spring formal, the group wanted to do a local transgender conference.  That local conference would become the Keystone Conference, and I would attend every year for the next 12.  My move to the west coast was the only reason I stopped attending annually.  I went to the first annual Keystone Conference as an attendee, but in subsequent years I served as a volunteer and as a workshop presenter; more about those in the next installment.   For my Cleveland years, the Keystone Conference would be my major outlet for feminine self-expression.  Yes, I did get out on other occasions, but they were too infrequent.  The managerial job just didn’t allow me the freedom I needed to adequately live my feminine life, and my frustration level was slowly, but steadily on the rise.  It amazed me how adversely not being able to express the feminine half of my personality was affecting my happiness.   However, a major life change was upcoming, and while it would prove to be a significant challenge in many ways, the events would ultimately benefit my female persona.  First, my mom and dad got sick.  They were in and out of the hospital and required personal care.  My wife and I did our best but living in Cleveland, we were too far from them to give them the support they both needed.  Second, I was experiencing serious job burn out.  I decided I need to find another job and I needed to be closer to my parents.    Things changed for the better when I got hired by an aviation training company as a flight simulator instructor.  I would be training business jet pilots.  The training facility was located in New Jersey, which put us much closer to my parents, and the work schedule was much better for quality of life.  Most importantly, this life change would help Sally re-emerge and once again flower.    Hugs,   Sally       
    • Mmindy
      I made a living talking about bulk liquids in cargo tanks transportation as a driver and mechanic. Safe loading/unloading, cleaning and inspecting, as well as emergency response scenarios.   Hazmat and fire behavior in the fire service as well as emergency vehicle operations and safe driving. "It was on fire when they called you. It will be on fire when you get there." Arrive ready to work. I could also talk about firefighter behavioral  heath and the grieving process.   The real fun thing is I can do this for people who are not Truck Drivers or Fire Fighters. Girl Scouts, Boy Scouts, Citizen Tax payers about Public Safety Education.   I love public speaking,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Congratulations to the mom and family @Ivy on the addition of another child.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      Congrats to you and yours!
    • Ashley0616
      YAY! Congratulations on a granddaughter!
    • Ashley0616
      I recommend CarComplaints.com | Car Problems, Car Complaints, & Repair/Recall Information. A lot of good information
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...