Becoming myself

[Jamey-Heather]

I have wanted to be physically a woman for as long as I can remember. But I have also been keenly aware of the privilege that comes with the body I have. I feel like a coward for not wanting to give that up: like I'd rather have this body that isn't me just so I don't get treated badly.

[Charlize]

What you describe is just how i felt.  There is certainly no rush in changing.  You may want to see a gender therapist.  My therapist as well as reading and sharing here helped me make my decision.  Regardless of your path please don't feel you are wrong.  As a transgender person i will always live in that "between" zone.  Time has given me comfort here most of the time.  I was also fairly comfortable as a man i guess.  Today i guess the middle seems just fine.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jamey-Heather]

So yo still feel "between"? I was kinda hoping maybe someday I'd just feel great being a man, a woman, or just genderqueer. I will proceed slowly, but I feel more and more that I AM a woman, and everything else is me rationalizing.....

 

[Sally Stone]

Jamey,

 

It took me a while to decide to add my two-cents here because I didn't want to add confusion, but I think it is better to hear numerous experiences.  So here goes.  For a long time, I thought I wanted to be a woman physically, but after many years of soul searching, I realized I could be happy and fulfilled being a woman part of the time and man the rest of the time.  Yes, there are compromises that come with this arrangement, but overall, it has worked extremely well for me. 

 

Until you have had the time to discover how far you want or need to go, you can very effectively transform yourself with without altering your body.  Then, as you become comfortable and decide what is right for you, you can add actual physical changes if you need to. 

 

You also need to know that you are not a coward.  It is your body and nobody else has the right to make you feel bad about what you do or choose not to do with it.

 

I have also learned that being a woman is more about how I feel on the inside than it is about the actual physical changes.  Of course, it is quite obvious that looking feminine significantly enhances my inner woman.  Whatever you decide, it is all up to you, and as Charlize said, "sharing here" is a great way to support your journey.

[Trista1]

don't let anyone but you set the pace of your transition or where you want to go with it. Your feelings are valid because they are yours and yours alone. don't be afraid to be what you feel you are but a therapist can help you figure out what you want be and help you work through it.