Am I Trans Enough?

[Faye1972]

How many of us have asked ourselves that question?  Why do I not fit in to the normal spectrum of what people expect? Why didn’t I play with dolls as a child (we didn’t have any in the house)?  Am I femme enough?  Why do I like sports?  OMG it’s a minefield. 

[stveee]

I did play with dolls, but they were GI Joe's. 

See how that works?

[Faye1972]

Ha ha. Yes I did the same. Our equivalent was Action Man. Let’s just say he was more of a man about town than a trained killer!

[Sol]

I played with Barbies and legos, mostly. And toy cars. I hecking loved toy cars. And for me, it's Am I masculine enough? Because I have zero bottom dysphoria (period dysphoria sucks butt, though), am okay with my breasts sometimes, like pretty dresses (as long as they aren't form fitting), and feel kind of numb to she/her pronouns. The only one allowed to call me a girl is my mom, and she uses the collective when referring to me and my sibling, so it's not just me. 

Identity crises are so fun, aren't they?

(Also, I would recommend Captain Planet, that is a wonderful cartoon about environmental health.)

[Marcie Jensen]

This topic begs the question, what constitutes "femme enough" or "masculine enough?" I've been through that with my therapist several times. We finally agreed that it's more important to simply be one's self, and forget about the labels. For example, I still love sports and my daughter and I are huge Chiefs and Ravens fans. Similarly, I'm pretty handy with tools and enjoy target shooting. (But don't ask me to hunt.) 

 

On the flip side, I like flowers, poetry and feeling pretty. I also love to cook, go shopping and sappy romantic movies.

 

Do these things make me too butch or too femme? I don't know what the answer is. All I can say is that I am me; a woman and darned glad of it. Some of my friends still refer to me as my old self, but I've learned to live with it. Life's too short to worry about how society perceives me. It took me too long to find myself to waste time worrying about how others perceive me.

 

Am I "trans enough?" As Helen Reddy proclaimed (yes, I'm that old), "I am woman hear me roar!"

[Faye1972]

7 minutes ago, Marcie Jensen said:

This topic begs the question, what constitutes "femme enough" or "masculine enough?" I've been through that with my therapist several times. We finally agreed that it's more important to simply be one's self, and forget about the labels. For example, I still love sports and my daughter and I are huge Chiefs and Ravens fans. Similarly, I'm pretty handy with tools and enjoy target shooting. (But don't ask me to hunt.) 

On the flip side, I like flowers, poetry and feeling pretty. I also love to cook, go shopping and sappy romantic movies.

Do these things make me too butch or too femme? I don't know what the answer is. All I can say is that I am me; a woman and darned glad of it. Some of my friends still refer to me as my old self, but I've learned to live with it. Life's too short to worry about how society perceives me. It took me too long to find myself to waste time worrying about how others perceive me.

Am I "trans enough?" As Helen Reddy proclaimed (yes, I'm that old), "I am woman hear me roar!"

Love it….. perfect reply xxx

[KathyLauren]

On 11/30/2021 at 9:59 AM, Faye1972 said:

Why do I not fit in to the normal spectrum of what people expect?

 

If I ever dared to ask that question out loud, my wife would either chortle and say, "Normal???  Hah!  You've got a nerve asking that!"  or else, "Normal is a setting on the washing machine."

 

I am past caring what people think of me.  Mostly, I get gendered correctly.  That's all I care about.  Do I fit into someone else's preconceived notion of what a trans woman should be?  Meh.  Not my business.

[Jackie C.]

On 11/30/2021 at 8:59 AM, Faye1972 said:

How many of us have asked ourselves that question?

 

I'm pretty sure the answer to this one is, "All of us."

 

My therapist just shook her head and expressed disbelief that anybody could think I wasn't trans just from my handwriting. I learned calligraphy in 3rd grade. You know. For fun. That's apparently not something most boys do.

 

I do not like getting dirty. I've never liked the feeling of mud on me. Just ew.

 

I loved playing dress-up and house with the girls.

 

Never liked anything violent.

 

The list goes on for a while, but I still have family that thinks AMAB is where it begins and ends. I mean they're mistaken, but there it is.

 

Fun little anecdote from today: I was approached, again, by my personal transphobe. Today he asked, "Do you feel better now?" I thought that was a super weird question. I haven't been sick and I don't know how the heck he'd know if I was. It EVENTUALLY dawned on me that he meant after transitioning. I'm like, "Bitch, about 1% of trans people aren't happy with their transition. Do I LOOK unhappy?" Some people.

 

Hugs!

[Jamie68]

4 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

It EVENTUALLY dawned on me that he meant after transitioning. I'm like, "Bitch, about 1% of trans people aren't happy with their transition. Do I LOOK unhappy?" Some people.

No doubt. It may be difficult, but soooo worth it.❤️

[Jamie68]

8 hours ago, Marcie Jensen said:

All I can say is that I am me; a woman and darned glad of it. Some of my friends still refer to me as my old self, but I've learned to live with it. Life's too short to worry about how society perceives me. It took me too long to find myself to waste time worrying about how others perceive me.

Am I "trans enough?" As Helen Reddy proclaimed (yes, I'm that old), "I am woman hear me roar!"

I have no doubts about my gender. I'm a WOMAN. I may not look or sound like one. I've had 68 years of acting like a man, but inside I'm all woman. Who cares what other people think. What we think and feel is what's important.

[Faye1972]

Thank you for the replies to this. Just to clarify, I do not question my gender, I know I am a transwoman. But I guess it is about those times of self doubt, denial and fear. 
 

Hugs to all you amazing ladies 

 

xx

[Audrey]

Hi @Faye1972, I have also wondered about this one especially after first coming out and early in transition. The conclusion I came to is, "yes, I am ME enough!" Yes I am a woman who likes fashion, but I am also a woman who likes retro video games. I make no apologies to anyone about who I am. Once I stopped caring what other people thought of me or my transition, it became much easier to shake off the doubts, build confidence, and move forward. Sometimes it is not easy to turn off the voice of doubt in my head that asks, "am I ___ enough?"  I got better at challenging that voice with positive affirmations and that helped quiet it down. I hope this helps! ❤️

 

Love,

~Audrey.

[Sally Stone]

Faye, like Jackie said, "All of us" have this thought, but I want to add that self doubt is part of the normal human condition, it is not unique to those us who are trans.  So, on occasion, whether someone is cis or trans, we all have to deal with self doubt and fear about not measuring up.

 

As a woman, I may not be the prettiest, and I'm fairly certain most everyone I meet can tell I was AMAB, but I have learned to overcome any self doubts by focusing on the woman inside, not the one other's initially see.  And if someone takes a minute or two to get to know me, they ultimately start seeing the woman inside as well.  Shania Twain said: "Man, I feel like a woman."  She got it right, because that is really the best way to counteract fear and self doubt.

[Jamie68]

10 hours ago, Jamie68 said:

I have no doubts about my gender. I'm a WOMAN. I may not look or sound like one. I've had 68 years of acting like a man, but inside I'm all woman. Who cares what other people think. What we think and feel is what's important.

I guess I should have thought over my response a little more. I suppose I DO care about what other people think. I haven't been called she, or ma'am, or her out in public yet. It gets real frustrating. I'm just recently getting the courage to use the womens restrooms in stores. If I don't have my purse with me I use the mens room. I'm ashamed of my cowardice. I have 2 wigs. Neither one is colored or styled right for me. Waiting for the budget to allow me to fix this. Once I can cover my bald arse head, I will feel much better in public.