Hi from Hanna

[Hanna]

Hi! I'm Hanna and I'm new here. Hanna is a feminized form of my male middle name and it's spelled the way it is in my own language without an "h" at the end. Pronouns? At the moment any is fine, he/she/they, it does not matter to me.

 

How did I end up here? Well, exactly a year ago on Christmas Day I registered myself on the asexual network AVEN when I had realized that I'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I'm demisexual, which means that I need to have a strong emotional bond to the person I'm intimate with. So far my only sexual partner has been my wife.

 

On AVEN they also discuss gender identities and after a while I realized that I'm non-binary. My gender identity is androgyne but lately I've been thinking that I'm possibly gender neutral. My gender identity seems to be shifting over time and that would make me genderfluid. I did some online psychological tests and in many ways I think like a woman. However, even though I'm still questioning my gender identity, I would find it hard to identify as female only. My male side is still quite strong after 50 years of identifying as a man.

 

Anyway, when I started to discover my feminine side I bought some female underwear and I immediately felt at home in my body. I remember the first time I dressed up like young women do in my country, wearing fashionable sneakers, tights, a puffer jacket and thin wool gloves. It was in the middle of winter and I went for a walk in the center of the city. It was so exciting! I didn't even mind it was a bit too cold wearing tights only, haha. It was late at night and I could not stop looking at my shadow in the street lights. My legs looked so thin. I felt wonderful!

 

Some time ago I realized that I'm also attracted to men and that I'm obviously bi-curious. However, I'm monogamous and I have not yet had the chance to find out if I actually could be intimate with a man or an AMAB. Being on the asexual spectrum would certainly be a challenge for me during an encounter.

 

Well, all this has been too much for my poor cishet wife. First discovering my asexuality, then finding out I'm non-binary and finally finding out that I could be into men also. She is now leaving me and she will move out in a few days. I don't really mind anymore, because my love for her has never been very strong during our 20 years together and it has now finally faded. She does not support my self-discoveries and she is actually both transphobic and homophobic. This past year has been rough but now I look forward to finally being myself and I will most certainly start crossdressing at home. Who knows if Hanna will grow and become the woman she was meant to be and it turns out that I'm transgender after all. That would be the greatest challenge of my life because my body looks very male. I think I will need all the support I can get on my continuing journey.

[Elizabeth Star]

Hello Hanna. You've found a great place that is full of helpful and friendly people.

 

 

[Heather Shay]

@Hanna welcome and on this Christmas day as I open my first post I see your introduction. I'm sure about you and wife parting but it sounds you are resourced to that and I hope she is doing okay as well. 20 years is a long time.

I think you'll find TP a wonderful place to explore and find kind compassionate and supportive people.

[Charlize]

Welcome Hanna.  Sorry to read that you are breaking up with your wife.  Even though you've grown apart i'm sure it is difficult for both of you.  I transitioned and have lived full time for some time now but certainly understand you when you mention living 50 years as a male. I have come to accept that part of me will never disappear.  

Enjoy your journey of discovery.  We are here to help as we can.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[KathyLauren]

Hi, @Hanna. Welcome!

 

I am sorry to hear that your wife is having trouble accepting you as you are.  That is always a hard part of this process.  But congratulations on exploring and finding yourself!  I wish you well on your journey.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Hanna,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

[Ivy]

Welcome Hanna.

[Hanna]

Thank you all for the warm welcome! I will probably have a lot of questions in the near future as I continue on my journey. Browsing this forum has already given me some valuable insights. I love this friendly atmosphere!

[Delcina B]

Welcome Hanna! Glad you're here. This journey exploring our gender does seem to have the ups & downs of a rollercoaster. Sorry to hear of your separation; I am in the same place as well. I hope you find the loving support, advice & acceptance here, as I have.

 

Hugs!

Delcina

[Susan R]

On 12/25/2021 at 11:13 AM, Hanna said:

Browsing this forum has already given me some valuable insights. I love this friendly atmosphere!

Welcome @Hanna. Thank you for joining us here. Like you, this forum has been a blessing. It’s filled with so much experience and love. It’s a nice place to share without feeling judgement or shame. Many of us here just want to help others with our friendship, advice, information and stories about our journey’s. I think you’ll find it a very helpful resource if you give us a chance.

 

I hope you enjoy it here and look forward to reading more about you in time.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R🌷