Should I or shouldn't I be more serious about transitioning

[HaraSurya]

About a year ago I started to wonder what life would be like as a woman seriously and kind of "sat on it" for a year. I've read some of the books people have recommended here about gender identity. I've realized that while I've not had life-long feelings I was misgendered, that the older I get the less I feel comfortable as a man. I'd almost be willing to say that after 43 years I'm bored with being a man and I'd like to try something different. I'm a fan of science fiction and fantasy and thought for years that if I could take a pill, or cast a spell, and reversibly become a woman I would do it without hesitation.

 

I think part of why I have those feelings is that in a relationship I prefer the intimacy and closeness, rather than sex, which is part of what led to getting divorced. Intercourse has always been a problem for me and as I've gotten older, and because of other health issues, it's increasingly simply not an option. (Viagra gives me a headache, not an erection.) I'm at the point where I'm tired of playing the dating game, have stopped looking and I'm happier for it.

 

I don't have many close friends and when I told my best friend he kind of shrugged and said, "and...?" (Which is our code for it's not a big deal.) One night I opened up to my mother over SMS messaging and her response was that she only wants me to be happy. I severely doubt my workplace would have any sort of problems. As for other parts of life I don't see myself dressing overly femme anyway since that's simply not how I view my female side.

 

But after a year of on-and-off thinking about it, I'm really thinking my curiosity has won out and I think I'm ready to talk to my primary care doctor about it. At the moment, all I'm interested in is HRT and seeing how that affects me. (I'm not bothered by the fact my "downstairs bits" don't match how I view myself.) I'm on a Medicare Advantage Plan and it seems they cover HRT pretty well. My biggest concern is how it might affect my other health issues. I'm not going to make a special appointment, and won't be going in again until mid-March so I have more time to think about it.

[MirandaB]

The sad thing about HRT is how long it takes for most of us.  The good thing about HRT for some of us is it takes so long that you can start it and not experience any major changes all that fast but still get an idea how it feels for you. Hopefully the primary care doc helps you get there if that's what you want when March rolls around. 

[Charlize]

I would suggest that you seek the help of a gender therapist to explore your feelings about gender prior to starting HRT.  My therapist helped me a great deal in understanding and accepting my gender.  I grateful that when i joined here some time ago seeing a GT was suggested prior to moving on.  In fact at that point many physicians required therapy. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[stveee]

In general, I think transitioning as a whole is fairly serious, given we are talking about biologically rearranging a Windows operating system to a Linux, so to say. The length of time it usually takes for most effects to run to completion is years- so naturally, the more profound changes are generally slower, and even unnoticeable.

For some, it can be totally upending their life in every aspect. People may fantasize about living as a different person, but don't consider just how much work it is and how much pain may be involved. And in most cases, it can literally mean life or death. 

We all need some kind of vision to start any journey, but usually the journey takes on a life of its own. There are setbacks, disappointments, uplanned detours. There are times of darkness when it seems the way is impossible. It's in these times most find out rather quickly how serious they are.

 

[Elizabeth Star]

3 hours ago, HaraSurya said:

About a year ago I started to wonder what life would be like as a woman seriously and kind of "sat on it" for a year. I've read some of the books people have recommended here about gender identity. I've realized that while I've not had life-long feelings I was misgendered, that the older I get the less I feel comfortable as a man. I'd almost be willing to say that after 43 years I'm bored with being a man and I'd like to try something different. I'm a fan of science fiction and fantasy and thought for years that if I could take a pill, or cast a spell, and reversibly become a woman I would do it without hesitation.

It's all good. I sat on it for over 25 years. I would constantly look for or create situations that were more important than spending any time on self reflection so I could avoid the obvious issue. When I was in my 20s I had extremely long hair and a higher pitched voice so was constantly misgendered, or so I thought. It wasn't until my body fully matured and I cut off my hair that I realized I missed being misgendered. The movie Otherlife kind of pushed me close to the edge.

3 hours ago, HaraSurya said:

 As for other parts of life I don't see myself dressing overly femme anyway since that's simply not how I view my female side.

I felt the same way until my supervisor, at work, asked me why I never wore skirts or dresses to work. Since then I developed a serious dislike for wearing jeans.

 

I don't know if your state requires a therapist letter for HRT. If they do you'll obviously need to find a GT. If they don't and use the informed consent model I would still find one. At least a regular therapist to unload on.

 

[Artpetal]

3 hours ago, HaraSurya said:

My biggest concern is how it might affect my other health issues. 

Don't be afraid of this. That's all I have to say. Assuming that you feel a pull toward being a woman, I encourage you to do what you feel is natural and right. There are people who transition a little and there are people who transition a lot, and in the case of a lot, it's because it's what we absolutely need and it makes our lives that much better. 

[HaraSurya]

I've been on the hunt for even a "I'm mentally ill and want more than just med therapy" for years now, but no one seems to take my insurance. I'm on Medicare Advantage, Indiana Medicaid and most therapists near me are in Kentucky which adds an extra layer of complexity to the situation. I'd complain about healthcare in the USA, but I already have nearly-free government provided healthcare and, apparently, on this topic I'm better off than someone in a lot of other countries.

 

I contacted one a few minutes ago after reading the replies who is a small town a couple counties over, but does video therapy. There were a handful closer, but the whole state-line thing would be an issue for being able to pay.

 

I'm aware that HRT can take a long time, if it has a major effect at all. It's my understanding that essentially a second puberty and can take just as long. If my mother and sister are any sort of reference point it might be surprising. It's probably something I'd keep close to my chest outside of people who "need to know" like my roommates and family at first.

 

As I said upthread, my idea of feminine is pretty androgynous so I wouldn't change how I dress terribly much in the short term. Most of my female role models dress don't dress very feminine. I can't remember the last time I saw my mother or sister wearing a skirt or dress. Heck, Annie Lennox rocking a men's style suit in the music video for "Sweet Dreams" is one of my ideals of feminine beauty. (I also think she looks like a Dominatrix, but I digress.)

 

Like I said, though, I won't be talking to my primary care until March and, hopefully, I'll be able to speak to a gender therapist before then. I'm planning on using some of my income tax return to get better quality breast forms and some of what I'd consider more expensive women's clothes like fashionable shoes. (I have some low-quality breast forms and want to "upgrade.")