Thanks…I think?

[Lenneth]

I found myself in an odd situation recently that had me looking at the issue from 2 different sides of the issue.  I’ve been putting a lot of effort into my appearance through clothes and makeup/nail polish.  Because I am not on HRT, nor likely to be for some time yet, the extent of my passing is limited to my fashion choices and body language.  Many of you keeping up with me over the past few days know I had embarked on my epic journey from Florida to my new home in Massachusetts.  So on the tail end of that trip, my partners and I had to get a storage unit for my stuff.  I go in with one of my partners and I filled out all the paperwork.  At the tail end of it all I had to do the one thing I truly hate doing.  He needed photo ID for the rental.  I hate providing that because I have been quite successful in presenting, and socially navigating as a woman.  Situations requiring ID shatters that in the eyes of the person seeing it and I feel extremely uncomfortable.

 

The guy asked for that and my method of payment.  I may hate it, but there’s not exactly anything I can do about it.  So I give it to him and sort of put my head down.  Well apparently he didn’t actually look at the ID when I handed it to him, which led to the reason I am writing all this.  I hear him say something to the effect of, “am I seeing something wrong?”  He walks back to the window where my partner and I are standing and is bouncing his eyes between me and the ID.

 

Quick aside: My driver’s license photograph is a few years old and taken well before I had been open enough to be more feminine in any way.  Full beard, thick, curly hair…the works.  There is nothing even remotely feminine in that picture.

 

So this guy is clearly confused and not believing I am the person the ID is showing.  Ultimately I have to pull my mask down and own up to being the one on the license.  He has this raised eyebrow look, shakes his head a bit, and we finish the legalities so I can get everything stashed.  I wasn’t thrilled because I could see the change in his expression, but it wasn’t something I could really do anything about.

 

 In the end I realized I had two distinct thoughts about the entire exchange coming from two trains of thought.  On the one hand, I was exposed, and subject, to the all too familiar judgment and disdain immediately coloring the body language, tone, and expression of someone clearly not “supportive” of my identity.  That painful disgust you know is lurking just behind the artificial politeness of a business interaction.  Politeness motivated by necessity.  I hate it, but I am not surprised by it.  Par for the course right?  It’s not like it won’t happen again in the future.  It wasn’t exactly a crushing, emotionally negative situation, but it wasn’t one I actively put myself in when it’s not required.

 

On the other hand, it occurred to me a silver lining in the situation came from a different perspective.  Like I said to @Elizabeth Star over in the “Good Morning All.  Coffees On” thread, at least there was something positive to be found in a difficult situation.  In this case, the thought was, yes it was uncomfortable and I was confronted by a myriad of negative emotions, but for all of that, the guy’s legitimate confusion when looking at my ID, and subsequent questions about it, meant I was presenting as female so convincingly, he couldn’t immediately tell I was the same person on that license.  That does give me a boost in confidence.  At least I have so successfully settled into myself I no longer look like the person on that license.  I take quite a bit of comfort and affirmation in that.

[Elizabeth Star]

I'm happy you able to find the bright side to the situation. And since your moving to a new state you'll have to get a new ID, with an updated picture.🙂

[Lenneth]

4 minutes ago, Elizabeth Star said:

I'm happy you able to find the bright side to the situation. And since your moving to a new state you'll have to get a new ID, with an updated picture.🙂

Something I am so looking forward to!

[Charlize]

Your story reminds me of an experience i had at a long weekend seminar on raising meat goats that was followed by an auction. The event took place in south central Virginia and the term "redneck" seemed very appropriate.  People had treated my wife and i very nicely throughout.  The only question to me was about my "relationship with the other woman".  "My best friend" covered that question.   After the auction as i paid for the buck we had purchased i had to provide my id and credit card.  The look on the tellers face let me know we needed to get out of town quickly.  

Life is so much easier with my id matching my appearance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Sally Stone]

Lenneth, I have always thought that trying to find a silver lining in any cloud is good therapy.  I'm so glad it what you did in this situation, because it appears to have made it more bearable for you.  I also know that little tests like this tend to strengthen our resolve and our self-confidence.  

[Artpetal]

It's very difficult dealing with these situations, as all of us know. I'm glad you're seen as the true you today much more than you were in the past.